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There is a lot of stress in my home right now. My boyfriend is feeling stressed and angry about work situations and that stress and anger he is feeling is affecting our relationship big time. He had a big melt down today and now is feeling even more stressed and angry about his situation. Being an empath I am finding it very hard to be around him when he is like this. I can feel the anger radiating off of him and it is giving me a head ache big time and causing me to feel upset as well. I listened to him vent and tried to give him advice, but I have never been in this situation that he is in so I do not know what he should do. It is a very frustrating situation for sure.

I dont know what I can do, if anything to help him not be so stressed and angry all the time.

I've been feeling wickedly depressed and stressed today and I do not know why exactly. I woke up feeling this way today. I couldn't manage to sleep passed 9 am this morning and haven't been able to nap at all today, I tried but no luck.

I've been clenching my teeth all day and have been feeling sexually frustrated as well. Of course sex isn't an option because my boy friend is feeling too "Stressed and anxious". Last time him and I tried being intimate he had a panic attack. So that is definitely not an option. I will just have to suck it up and wait until he is finally ready, if that will ever happen.

I am feeling so hopeless, bitter, depressed, stressed, anxious, sad.. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't see many options before me.

Tonight my boyfriend and I are going to see the new Xmen movie, which will hopefully be good. It should be nice to go on a date night. I don't really want to go anymore, but will anyways considering we already bought the tickets. I just don't feel like being around people or going out of the house much lately.

I need to get over this horrible bout of jealousy. There is no reason for me to be jealous. There is nothing happening and there is no need for me to act this way. I am in the wrong, not my boyfriend. I need to trust him, he deserves my trust and loyalty.

I love him so much, he is very important to me and I want to be with him for the rest of my days. I want to marry him one day.

I am not feeling jealous anymore, I am feeling disgusted with myself and hate the person I've become. I have become such an angry, jealous, depressed person. I want to be better and become the best person I can possibly be. I want to be the best mother and girlfriend that I can be.

I am strong and I am resilient, I can get through this. I can regain my trust in my boyfriend that he had broken a whole year ago.

Next month on the 24th we will be our 2 year anniversary. I want to be happy and not so bitter by that time next month. I want to grow and mature from this trial.

Well I applied for couples counseling for my boyfriend and I. Now all I need to do is give them some more information on my medical coverage and then we will be set up with someone to talk to for our relationship issues.

Hopefully we can get this all figured out and will be able to be intimate again. I cannot even remember the last time we were intimate, how sad is that. A couple should be able to be intimate regularly without issue, without having to worry about one person being too stressed or scared that they wont be able to preform properly.

I don't know anymore, I am feeling rather hopeless about the situation. I've been feeling very bitter the past few weeks and jealous of my boyfriend talking with this other woman. When I asked to read the conversation he has been having with this woman, he said no and got upset. He told me its my fault that I cannot believe that nothing is going on with them. Well, when you cheated on me a year ago when I was 8 months pregnant with a woman on skype it makes it very hard to believe that nothing is going on when you seek out an old woman friend and talk to her every day.. I do not believe it is only my fault for my feeling this way..

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EmperorOfTheNorth
12:48 May 29 2016

So sad to hear about your troubles. I hope the counseling will work for you.

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The past two days have been really good. Yesterday my boyfriend, Audrey and I went to a friends house for dinner and a movie. Today we have been relaxing around the house and being lazy. Right now, Audrey and I are watching the movie Hook while my boyfriend plays a scary video game downstairs.

He is playing Dead Space 2 and I find it rather upsetting with all the children in it. I cannot stand seeing children hurt since having a child of my own. Before becoming a parent I had no issue with it, but now it really upsets me and I cannot stand it.

Tomorrow I go back to work, hopefully this week is better than last week. There was a lot of problems last week with the hood vents and with getting food prep all done. Seems something new breaks every week and it is getting stressful. Things will get better I am sure.

Tonight I am feeling quite on edge and tired. I am trying to relax and calm my nerves but am finding it difficult. Someone's car alarm keeps going off every few minutes and it is really starting to annoy me. My family came over for a couple hours because they had a showing of their house so they needed some where to go. They have been trying to sell their home for the past month. Hopefully they can find a buyer here soon.

I am finding myself clenching my teeth constantly tonight and I am trying to stop myself. When stressed or anxious, I have the nasty habit of clenching my teeth and then grinding my teeth while I sleep.

I was supposed to have today to myself, but only managed to have half of the day for me. It's better than nothing, but I was hoping for the whole day so I could unwind and gain some of my sanity. Tomorrow I will be hanging out with a friend and Tuesday I will go visit my mom, which will be nice.

I am feeling very on edge, anxious and stressed right now and I do not know why, and that is making me feel worse. I hate feeling a certain way and not knowing the reason for me feeling that way, it causes me more anxiety.

My boyfriend and I had a large argument the other night that seemed to relieve some of the tension I've been keeping locked up within me. I got some of my frustration and anger across that hadn't been made apparent to him. I got the points across that I needed to. We are going to seek couples counseling for the lack of intimacy issue we have been facing the past three months. I really hope the therapist can help us find the solution to this problem. I hate not being able to be intimate physically with the man that I love and adore.

Audrey has been asleep awhile now, which has been nice but not at the same time. I miss when she would let me hold her and cuddle her all day. We used to sleep together every night when she was a new born. I would sleep on the couch downstairs with Audrey in my arms. She is growing up so fast, too fast for my liking. She will be a year old in two months..

My depression comes and goes as it pleases, I don't seem to have much control over it. This morning I was happy and not depressed in the least, and now my depression is slowly creeping back in one me. I wish this depression would just stay away for good and never bother me again. Depression seems to be my curse in this life, a burden I have to live with forever.

I want to be happy and in a good mood most of the time and not depressed like I am the majority of the time now. I am trying to keep busy and I have a job so I can provide for my family. Nothing seems to be enough any more though. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless and helpless right now.

Today I am in a much better mood and I am thankful for this. I had been stuck in a depressed slump for such a long time. Last time my boyfriend surprised me with my favorite coffee drink, hot dog and candy. He made my mood so much better by such a simple gesture. I love him so very much, I don't know what I'd do without him.

Next month will be our 2 year anniversary of being together. I cannot believe we have been together for 2 years now. Where has the time gone? Feels like yesterday him and I met downtown for dinner and talked for hours about our common interests. I fell in love with him.

I fell in love with his smile, his laugh, his facial expressions, his thoughts, his feelings, and with his very existence. I hope to one day marry him and be with him for the rest of my existence on this earth. He has given me the best gift of all, and that is our baby girl Audrey.

Unfortunately the hood vents at work broke down tonight. We sat around for two hours waiting for the repair man to fix the damn things. After wasting all the time waiting for them, they decided to close the restaurant for the night. I am not too pleased that the hood vents couldn't get fixed. I cannot afford to not get my hours, I need every penny for bills and food for my daughter. I really hope the hood vents are fixed by tomorrow night! Two nights of no work would hurt me bad.





It was really weird getting home from work before dark. I am so used to getting home really late, when the world is quiet and when most are asleep. I like the silence that comes with the darkness of night.

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xRideTheLightningx
06:49 May 20 2016

Wow... You'd think they would at least offer to pay you SOMETHING. :/

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The photos turned out amazing! I cannot believe how well they turned out. I am so happy we finally got family photos done. Now I need to get them printed and hung on the wall in the living room. I want to send a bunch of pictures out to family and friends as well. I hope to get a family picture done every year from now on so we can see how much we have grown and changed over the years.



Also, I finally got my Younique Product! I am so happy! I already have tried to product and it is amazing and goes on so smoothly. I cannot wait to start taking before and after photos with the makeup and share the product with friends and family! I want to share my love of makeup with everyone I know. Once I find my camera I will start making YouTube videos of the makeup and such. I am so excited and so happy about all of this!

Today I am feeling very self conscious about my body and size. I have a photo shoot to get family photos done tonight and I am feeling very uncomfortable about my appearance today because of that. I know it doesn't really matter, but I want the pictures to be perfect. I don't know what to wear and I don't know how to do my hair or makeup. I don't want these pictures to turn out badly. I want to look my best so the pictures turn out great.

I know I just need to relax and wear what I feel comfortable in and everything will go great. I just don't like feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin. I am not happy with my weight at all and my eating habits have been quite poor. I need to lose at least 30 more pounds to be my healthy weight again.

I want to feel beautiful and I want to feel sexy again like I did before having my daughter. I will get back to that healthy weight again and things will get better. It will simply take time and I need to be more patient.

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xxSEXYxx
23:21 May 17 2016

Girl you are BEAUTIFUL! You have a GORGEOUS body. I hate seeing you write stuff like this. :( The pictures WILL be perfect!!! =)

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Today has been a wonderful one. I had my family over for a barbque, and watched a movie all together. My boyfriend made the hamburgers and they were fantastic! So yummy.

Now I am relaxing in my living room and posting here on vampire rave. Audrey is down for the night so I do not have to worry about chasing her around the house. Audrey is walking now and getting into a lot more things because of that. She is getting so damn tall as well. She can reach into things she once couldn't and it is freaking me out. Audrey is growing up way too fast for my liking.

So I have decided to join the makeup company Younique! I've been wanting to do this for a while and finally had the courage to jump in. I love makeup so I thought this would be perfect for me. I have a lot of friends who love makeup as well and I would love to share my love of makeup with them through this company.

I am waiting on my presenter package to arrive so I can start making videos, and posting on facebook and other social media about the product and make some money! This will hopefully put a little extra cash in my pocket to help pay bills and buy food for my family.

My friend is going to help me get started and show me the ropes so I know what I have to do to be successful at this. I know I can do this if I truly put my mind to it. As I said before, I am super excited about all of this!

Work was brutal today. The day just dragged on and on! I am so exhausted and grumpy and ready for sleep. It is 11:53 pm and I am trying to relax and unwind from work. I am feeling grumpy and on edge and hungry. I am waiting on dinner and then will be heading to bed hopefully. My boyfriend and I got home at the same time tonight, which was really nice. It is not very often that we are both awake when we are both home from work. We both work nights, but come home a different times.

On my days off I hope to catch up on my sleep and not feel so exhausted anymore. 3 more days of work until my days off though, so I have to figure out how to survive the next 3 days.

I've had a "friend" threaten to call Child Protective Services on me because of me having a fire in my fireplace. No friend threatens to do something like that. This hurts me badly that she would threaten to do something like that. I was breaking no rules of the fire ban, I was not putting anyone in danger and I am definitely not putting my daughter in danger.

This "friend" and her sister who is also my "friend" think I am a horrible parent or some shit. I don't need people like that in my life that think I am a horrible parent, when in reality I am not. I am a new parent and I have made mistakes, but none of which have put Audrey's life in danger by any means.

I am so angry, tired and just done with this bullshit. I am done chasing people to be friends with me, I am done putting all the effort into the "friendships", I am done having people in my life who don't give a shit about me, I am done...

I am a good mom damn it! She is happy, she is healthy, she has a roof over her head, she has food, she has loving parents, she has loving grandparents, she has everything and more! Audrey is in good hands..

My weekend has been a good one. I went to see the new Captain America movie yesterday and it was awesome! I really liked how they had spider man and all the other characters from other marvel movies in this movie. I am looking forward to the next movie for sure! I am also looking forward to the next Star Wars movie that will be coming out this December! It looks quite good as well! I am a huge star wars fan for sure.

My little baby Audrey has begun to walk, I cannot believe it! She will be a year old in 2 months. Where has the year gone? It feels like just a month ago that I was in the hospital having her. Before I know it she will be starting school!

There has been some drama on my Facebook the passed two days because I had a fire in my fireplace in my home. A "friend" got upset with me because there is a province wide fire ban for outdoor open fires because of the huge fire in a northern city within our province. I was not in the wrong and was sure to check the province fire ban website to see what is and isnt allowed during the ban. The site said only outdoor open fires are currently banned, so I went ahead and had a fire in my fireplace within my home. I can't believe how bent out of shape this "friend" has gotten over the fact that I decided to enjoy a fire in my home on a cold rainy night. Like fuck, if you have a problem with me and what I do why do you have me as a friend on Facebook? This isn't rocket science people! Just unfollow me or better yet unfriend me. This is not the first time this person has gotten bent out of shape over something I have done. She find the need to post on my stuff and show how "smart" she is and try to prove a point that really doesn't need to be proven. She is a very opinionated individual who doesn't know when to keep her opinion to her self. It is very aggravating and frustrating for sure.

My whole life I have had to deal with people picking me apart for everything I have done or choose to do. I am getting tired of it, but I know it is a part of life and that everyone deals with it. There just comes times when a person gets fed up with is.

Today has been a pretty good day so far. My boyfriend took me to my favorite breakfast restaurant and then took me shopping. He bought me an awesome pink purse, which I love! He spoils me so much :)

Tonight we are going out for dinner and to see the new Captain America movie with some friends. We may also try to be intimate tonight, but I am not gonna get my hopes up for that so I am not disappointed if it does not happen. He has been rather grumpy today and not feeling the best so it will most likely not happen, but we will see.

I am really excited to see the new Captain America movie! I hope it is really good! I am sure it will not be disappointing. The other movies were really good so..

I am feeling insecure about myself and my relationship with my boyfriend today.. He went to the doctors today to discuss why he hasn't been feeling like intimacy and the doctor said it is most likely from stress. My boyfriend told me about all the stress he has been under the past month and has said that he needs to get back to feeling "normal" again. He has said he hasn't felt like himself in a very very long time. I asked him if there is anything I can do to help him feel better and he said no.

I am feeling insecure because I worry that part of the problem is that he doesn't find me physically attractive anymore, because of how having a baby has changed my body. Since New years eve I have lost 95 pounds and I am working on losing 25 more pounds to get back to my healthy weight again. So far everything is going well weight loss wise, but still my body does not and will never look the way it had before Audrey. I feel really insecure about how my stomach looks, it is really stretched out and flabby. I seem to be losing weight every where but my stomach and it is frustrating me. I am eating better and being much more active and don't know what much else one can do to lose weight.

I can't wear the shirts I want or the dresses I want anymore because of my stomach and it is really bringing me down. I want to be happy and confident with my body, but am finding it difficult. I feel like I am doing all that I can and that makes me feel hopeless since what I am doing doesn't seem to be enough.

I've asked my boyfriend if my body is the problem and he continuously says that it isn't, but I am finding that hard to believe. I asked him if he likes that I lost a bunch of weight and he said yes and he encourages me to continue to eat healthy and be active to lose the remaining weight.

I am a control freak and hate this out of control feeling I've been experiencing for a while now. I don't really understand where this out of control feeling is coming from, but I can feel it and it is bothering me incredibly. I want to be able to control what happens in my life, but that isn't possible in some aspects. I can control how I handle things and how I feel about things, but that is about it.

I've been so stressed that it feels like my stomach is eating itself. It has gotten really bad today and I hate it. I want to feel happy, healthy and at peace. I am working my hardest to achieve all of this, it will simply take time.

The past has felt like a constant struggle to stay on top of the bullshit that life is throwing our way. I've been sick with the flu, a head cold, pink eye. Audrey has been sick with a head cold, yeast infection, and ear infection. My boyfriend has been sick as well and we have been struggling financially. On top of all this, my cat escaped yesterday from the house and came back with a severely fucked up paw. She had to go to the vet for surgery and now has a cast on her leg. The vet thinks someone either ran over her foot with a car or smashed her foot with something. People are fucked up... Hopefully May is a much better month for my family and I. I don't to feel stressed or feel like I am struggling to make ends meet any more. I feel like all this BS is taking its toll on my relationships with the people in my life. I have gone back on my antidepressant because I just couldn't handle all of this on my own. I was having extreme highs and lows and was taking it out on everyone around me. I need to accept that right now I need to be on my meds and when I am mentally ready to go off them, I will. Right now just is not the right time to go off of them and I accept that now.