The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

This way of thinking helped me get through my abuse and the aftermath.



Look only to the past to learn not to stay..or you will loose yourself. Look to the future only for a moment to find hope.

Look to the now..find what is beautiful in the darkness and cherishit fforever..

This I share because without this.. I was lost

COMMENTS

-

---

Giftedfeelinglost
09:40 Dec 19 2017

Wise words. Completely agree with you

---

POST COMMENT

In this past year I have lost 5 people. Every year someone dies on me. Can you blame me for barely holding on. One killed himself on the phone with me. Another got ran over. Another shot themselve. Anothrr ddied from cancer. Now my uncle has cancer. My dads on oxygen. Everyone is,dying around me and I can feel it and it hurts so much.

Ive been sucidal for all my life. Everyone I cared about has died and/or given up on me. I cant do this anymore. It took one man to push me over the edge. No help for me. No one understands the pain. Dont say you do cuz you dont know anything about me.

COMMENTS

-

---

Theta
21:36 Apr 27 2015

I have noticed your Kismets and your journal entries, but I have remained silent because, you're right, I don't know anything about you. However, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I don't know your situation or your feelings, but I've been in a bad place (and that's just a nice way of putting it) myself more times than I can count. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed after a miscarriage and divorce. Dark, dark days. I managed to pull myself out of that funk (again, a "nice" way of saying it), but that kind of ... sadness never goes away. It just sits and waits. It's a constant battle.



Again, I don't know what you're going through personally, but I do know what I went through, and I just wanted to tell you that I hope it gets better for you. Truly.

---

POST COMMENT

You know.. people only gives a flying fuck if it works out for them or only will if you say sucide but no more then that. You do not know my problems and every fucking time I try I get broken promises. Lied to. Used. No its not the fucking same as everyone else. You dont know. You say you do but you will never know the pain I feel. I cant have one damn person to call my own without strings attached or judgement and if I do.. I mess it up or they die on me. All my fucking life ive had pills shoved down my throat. Shrinks examining my head and doctors looking at me like im crazy. Well im not okay. Fuck you if you think I am. You dont know my life so stop acting like you do.

The one thing I really despise is,being told I could never understand nor really know what it is like. Do not bullshit me. Wuite frankly you do not know who or what I am nor what I know and have experienced. You do not know what I am capable of. You do not know what burns inside me. What you think you know is only an inkling. You will never truly know. You are a child. Pray that you will never see it. Pray that your life is good and long and full. Stay away

There was a woman laying down naked in a rusted cage on wheels. Slim body with brown dirty matted hair. A noose around her neck and her arms hanging out front with flies around them. Two men are in there with her. In each of their hands is a huge metal rusted hook. They start from her skull driving it in blood squirting on both sides and they follow the spine down driving more into her body and she is screaming. Begging. Pleading. Crying. Writhing making it worse as it tears if she moves. They finish and climb out taking up ropes they attach them to horses and they pull on both sides. Her body is lifted into the air. Screaming and kicking blood is pouring out. Again the horses are whipped till the body starts to stretch..finally..it starts to rip her skin and muscles along the spine and skull apart revealing the skelton and organs inside. They tear her open and she lets out a final anguished scream. Silence as she is ripped in half and dropped. All is quiet. Eerily quiet. Not even the crows crow. You hear a squishy sound and she lifts her skull from her skin. Her brain falls out..her head turns upside down and she says..they will get you too. She starts to laugh and her head spins round and round...

What pisses me off the most is when people come onto me withba load of bullshit. You do not know who or what I am and you have no right to claim. You are playing a dangerous game and if you ever threaten me or my future children again ill fucking rip your throat out..cut your heart out and shove it down it and I will grin and laugh. ...



Mood: Pissed

Memory







Smooth white marble floors..glass windows and double doors..I close my eyes thinking I will fall..no..im floating. My eyes open and I see stars. They go on forever. Galaxies. Suns. Moons. Everything. Before me is a spiral galaxy..its purple and a pure white blinding light is emitting from the center. It engulfs me then it turns black. No stars. No sound. No light can penetrate. Then utter empty nothingness all around..am I awake or asleep. I cannot see. A voice. A warm gentle voice. Lips against my eyes..open them.he says. Thete he stands. Darkness himself..take my hand..do mot be afraid. I have been waiting for you. Come. It is time. I take his hand and I start to glow. A light is emitting from me. My soul. Passion. Such fiery passion takes control..lust. desire. Need. Over and over again. Screaming in ecstasy. Whispers in my ear of eternity of love. No matter what happens I will always find you. We are soul mates. The energy radiating outward and it all begins..

3



Im standing before a doorway. War is raging behind me and I do not know what is happening. I hear screaming. Pleading. Laughter. Soneone runs up to me. My queen he says. We are out numbered. I look at him. What did you say? Who did you say I was? He looks at me confused and asks if I am alright. We have to go he says. I turn back to the doorway. Its a stone archway with runes written across. Out of the doorway..steps me. Like looking into a mirror. She looks at me. Time to wake up she says. And cuts me down with my own hand and sword. I wake up in a field. A lush green field. Blue skies and a man is leaning over me calling my name. Who are you I say. Who am I. Where am I. 200 years later. You are my queen. Here. Drink he says and cuts open his wrist bringing my lips to it..it burns. Its sweet. Its full. I want more. And more. Hold on he says. I will find you. Rest.

Dream 2



Im falling and I hit the ground. But.. it was a soft squishy landing and it stank. Like rotting flesh. I stand up and I cannot see before me not even my hands. A street lamp flickers on and thats when I see it. I landed on bodies. Mangled bodies. Their eyes are open and staring at me. Im too frozen to scream. I stumble and looked into the eyes of the dead and I see myself looking out and grinning..I hear laughter above me and I look up. There he sits. Perched on a ledge looking down at me. He says...look. this will happen if you do not wake up. This will happen if you do not awaken. You are the only one to stop this. Do you see..and he points. The streets run with red. A red river. Wake up I tell myself. Wake up. You are awake he replies.

Dream #1: The awakening dream





It is dark. There was no moon. No sun. No stars yet a cloudless sky. The ground cold against my bare feet. Im running. The trees dark and half bare blurring as I ran. The darkness pressing in all around me. My heart is pounding..thundering in my chest. A voice I hear. Laughter. Its getting louder. All around me. In me. When I thought I could not run much longer as I was slowing down..I came into a clearing. A small church stood in the center. Overgrown with vines. All the windows dark and full of cobwebs. Yet. A single candle was to be seen in the side window. By the door. I run to it finding the door unlocked. Ahead was the alter. To my right stone stairs curling up around a statue. Lighted by torches. I start up. The stairs seem to go on and on. The torches go out one by one behined me. Hes here. Up I ran to find a black gate. I pause and turn around to look upon the facw of mary. Mary was the statue. Her head tilted and her eyes black and crying. Blood tears ran down her stone cheeks. Ahead the gate opens andI enter. In the middle was a tree. Full and its branches were thick and its trunk strong and rooted. At its base was a sword with four ruind upon it. Water all around. I enter the water and made my way to it. I stop..the water turns black and the tree starts to die..I turn and he is there. The man. Souless black eyes. A black book in his hand. With four elite daemons behind him. I pick up said sword and it fills me as if it has a soul of its own. Binding with me. As if it was mine to command and wield. He approaches. Taking his left hand in a claw form and digs in where my heart lay and turns counter clockwise. Chanting. The book open. He says after he needs my soul..it is the key. I wake up screaming. Hes in my room. It was real. Then everything fell apart from then. I am alone

COMMENTS

-

---

Uriel86
17:15 Apr 25 2015

That is a heavy burden to carry on your shoulders. Sounds like the dream I had 14 years ago. But instead of black eyes, there were red flaming eyes. We battled for what seemed to be years. The last impact was a dagger piercing my left hand. My mother saw it and know immediately what had happened. She washed the blood off my hand and arm, and bandaged my hand. I was questioned at school that day. I told everyone that asked that I fell off my bike and a carpenters nail went through my hand. If I'd've told them the truth, they would've laughed at me. Few months later, I was put into a mental hospital. Mom got tired of things happening to me. Started accusing me of being unstable. She recorded me speaking in ancient tongues. I told her what I am, and that's when she had me committed. I've never stopped believing in what I am. I am an Ancient Vampyre. This is Who and What I am. I will never change anything about myself, except for my memory loss. I want my memories back.

---

POST COMMENT