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Learn to let go. More importantly, learn how to let go with grace. How to wish people well who decide to walk a path that doesn't involve you. Don't hold on to that which doesn't wish to be held. So much tragedy comes from trying to possess things which aren't possessions. The greatest control you can have is over yourself. Focus that instead of trying to control everyone else. Learn to gracefully let go, but also to gracefully allow people back in... if they deserve it. Sometimes people don't, they're better left exactly where you left them. But occasionally, especially through time, distance, space for self-reflection, people do grow. Choices don't have to last forever. Things don't have to be permanent. Things don't have to be absolute.
You know, I've sat with that question many nights over the last couple years. Did I genuinely love him or did I simply love how much he needed me?
I know the answer.
Do you really wanna know?
I miss him. Years later. Relationships later. A lifetime later. But I don't for a day miss the way we were. I wouldn't stop him from reaching out. I wouldn't deny him. I wouldn't turn him away. But it wouldn't be what it was. It couldn't be. I'm not what I was.
I never stopped, not even for a second, caring.
II never slammed the door. I never even shut it. I'm not the one who ran away. I'm simply the one who finally stopped chasing.
Becsuse my peace is important.
Here's the thing. I can't with people living in the past anymore. "What if," doesn't matter. It didn't happen. That's not the choice you made. You have to live with your choices. And if you want things to be different, you won't get there wishing things had happened differently. What you did is past, it's behind you, it doesn't matter. What you can do, the things in front of you, the choices you can make now, that's worth focusing on. Are you gonna whine, and cry your entire life over broken things or are you going to fucking fix them? If you want things to be different, make them different, but you can only do that by moving forward. If you're going to sit there, constantly looking over your shoulder, constantly mourning what could have been if only, I'm gonna have to keep moving forward without you, I'm gonna have to leave you there. My peace is important.
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