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Things are not so great at the moment.

I've been.. very depressed lately.

and insecure, it might be just a phase but

at the same time i just feel like i've lost myself

and im not quite sure where i went.

i feel numb, hurt, and empty.

Im not sure who i am right now at this

point in time, and i dont like it.



I don't think i can handle getting hurt again

right now, its too much for me.



maybe i need to paint, or draw.

or finish my dreads..

maybe get some more tattoos..

but in the meantime i'll just keep my chin up..

and hope nothing beats me down again..

cause next time im not sure if i'll be able to get up.

SO.. i decided to write in my journal because i'm slightly more or less intoxicated..

so i have been drinking since about 4 pm.

and i went to my first straight-friendly gay bar today. and it was pretty rad. So now i am at home drinking with my roommate and her boyfriend waiting for Dean to get off work.

This blog probably wont be too long considering im having a lot of trouble with typing.. and its taken like half an hour already to fix mistakes..

I also gave my roommate a lecture on Anal Sex recently, and she seemed to be mildly offended

by my opinions.

sex is sex.

explore, get off, have fun.

don't make it more complicated then it should be.



Anyways, theres only like 53 more days till we hit up edmonton to

see combichrist (again) and Rammstein.

I cannot wait, so far we have put around 650 bucks onto this trip, and thats just ticks and hotel, we still need alcohol smokes, gas and food.

but no matter the cost, it will be worth it.

Live.

love.

and fuck.