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I got my surgery but I don't think I am healing right, I am still bleeding I thought the whole point of a hysterctomy was no more bleeding.





I have lost my sister, my home, and my husband was laid off.

I am really finding it hard to be happy here.

The lil girl that lives behind us, I have befriended her mother and i found out they only had 40

dollars to work with for her x-mas stuff.

So I used a toys r us gift card that i was not expecting to buy her some gifts.

That didn't make me happy either.



Is it selfish to do a good deed and find it makes u feel good to do it?

I mean I felt good about it when i handed her mom the bag of toys, so maybe that is selfish.

Maybe I am not happy cuz I ran out of xanex too early, but I doubt that.

I don't know what is up with me I just feel blah.

Maybe cuz I am 31 and stuck living temporarily living with my mother.

She drives me crazy, we are so different it's not even funny.

She hates to clean, and i hate a dirty house.

Why does this still bother me she has always been like that?

At least all my kids are here for the holiday, I know I will perk up when i get to see them open their

presents, but on the whole I have been thinking about my life and just feel....

worthless I guess.

I am 31 with no job, mainly because when i get one I get sick again I end up getting fired for missing

too much work.

My Ulcerative Colitis ruins everything.



I should prolly feel grateful I have 4 beautiful kids but I can't get out of this rut.

Oh well I guess I am just complaining.



~Akasha~