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Another weird afternoon. So it’s Thursday and I’m heading to the studio expecting that I won’t see Vergil given that he doesn’t work Thursdays.



I’m probably about 15 meters from the studio when I hear something strange. I can hear my last name being called but inside my head and not in my voice but Vergil’s.



I shrugged it off expecting to just see Tickle and Valkyrie; two more of my dancing friends. But to my surprise Vergil was there.



It’s not the first time I’ve been able to hear someone’s thoughts but it’s the first time I’ve heard one of his. Either our link is getting stronger or I’m getting more powerful.



Which one is more terrifying? I’m not sure anymore.

I’m currently waiting for my train home while my trance/dance music blasts through my ear giving me a high. After dance class in the evening you’d think I’d be wanting something soft and quiet. Nope. The harder and frantic the music the better. It’s like a drug.



It’s been a weird day. It’s nearly the end of the financial year here in Oz. Work is frantic and I barely have time to catch my breath. Even during lunch I’m not relaxing. But two more days and it will all be over.



But that’s not why today was weird. All day I had a weird feeling of nostalgia and longing that wasn’t mine. It took me about three hours to figure out the feeling wasn’t coming from me.



During group class in the studio tonight, Vergil took the class. This is a rare occasion these days as he has too many students now to teach group lessons. However I felt the emotions again and without thinking used my abilities to smell energy. I could smell the emotion and I knew then it was coming from Vergil.



I should clarify. In the last few months it’s how I’ve been hunting. I can smell normal odours but underneath the odours the energy is present. It’s much more efficient than trying to feel. I don’t even know how this came about but it seems to work.



The feeling had been so strong during the day that I wonder what he had been thinking about. I suppose I could just ask him but how would that even go?



“Hey Vergil, just noticing that you’ve been emoting more than usual lately? Oh what’s that? How did I know? Did I mention I drained you without your consent and you’ve been tied to me ever since? Whoops sorry!”



Yeah somehow I don’t think that would go down well.

Interesting day at work. Discovered that I am lusting after a work colleague.



Well maybe I am or maybe I'm just bored and horny. It made the day more interesting. Wondering what it would be like to have him push me up against a wall and....

So I finally told him. I finally told Vergil what I’ve been holding onto for months.



The first words out of my mouth were “We need to talk.”



I had been thinking about what I was going to say all day. The art of the carefully rehearsed speech was new for me. It started off well enough. I started by saying that I knew I wasn’t perfect but I worked hard and I thought he had been overly harsh.



Of course I did get a little worked up but I got the point across. He apologized. He admitted he had been hard on me and that he had finished my lesson feeling like he had been an ass.



I got what I wanted but I feel shaky still like the anxiety hasn’t fully left me. My hands are shaking as I type. I suppose we’ll be okay. We’ll go on as we always do.



I don’t like being angry with him like that. I didn’t like feeling more and more anxious the closer I got the studio to tell the man I love that he has upset me.

Grrrrr I'm feeling like an angry vampire once more.



Being a ballroom dancer is a hell of a lot of work. Firstly there's your posture, your dance frame, the correct positioning of your shoulders, tuck your butt in, bend your elbow and head left. And you haven't even begun to move yet.



So imagine the crap I am getting from Vergil when I don't always follow as well as I should. Especially at 9 pm after a full day at work and 4 hours of practice at the studio. I am trying. I work hard at this. I practice over and over again and I'm taking his shit.



The better you get the higher their expectations go. Then suddenly everything that was already "amazing" is no longer good enough and you have to keep climbing their ladder.



And the really fucking annoying thing? You don't know how many rungs are on that ladder or if it goes anywhere.

I feel like writing but I’m not sure what to write. Arms ache, butt aches and I’m fighting the urge to fall asleep on the train. Spent a good part of the afternoon showing Vergil ballet moves from when I studied contemporary ballet in high school. For once I get to be the teacher.



I love him. I love when he’ll wrap my arms around his waist and let me press my head to his neck. It’s like he’ll let me get close for a second but then push away. I wish he would just say whatever it is he’s feeling…if he’s feeling it all.

So I passed my exam. So happy.



Whenever you advance a level at my studio you get to do a spotlight or a solo performance to celebrate your advancement. I get to perform mine twice. Super happy!!!



Of course I have learned that there are those who do not wish to see me succeed. One of my friends said that there was the sentiment that I would not last I was too outgoing and almost out of place when I started.



But I'm used to being the weird kid. I'm used to not fitting in. That makes you thick skinned after a while and you learn to love yourself for who you are.

So tonight I have my grading exam for dancing. This will take me from Bronze 1 to Bronze 2 (the grading system that is used within dance schools that teach American Smooth ballroom and latin). That is provided I pass.



I have to pass. I can’t let my rival get too far ahead of me. I just can’t.

It's been a busy few days.



Four private dance lessons this week (Vergil is really pushing it this time), final exam for my financial planning course, Latin dress match comp, normal group classes at the studio and to top it all off it's end of financial year here in Oz.



In short I am exhausted. Thank god for the long weekend.

So I've been told that I need to behave myself more at the studio. That if I don't they won't let Vergil teach me. I suppose I'll have to. I won't have any other teacher. I would quit.



I suppose I'll just have to bite my tongue and think smugly to myself how much better a dancer I am than most of their clientele (mostly couples looking to dance for their wedding).



Yeah I know it's egotistical but I will be like Annette Sudol on the outside (amazing international ballroom dancer); courteous, graceful, elegant but myself on the inside; bitchy, foul mouthed and a tomboy.



I've read that vamps are always different from people who aren't like us. We're powerful, different and cut off from the crowd even though we know how to blend into it. I've always known I was different. I guess it's becoming more apparent as I get older.

I wasn’t like this before. I wasn’t so egotistical. I wasn’t jealous of others.



I worked so fucking hard for my grading exam. I worked for close to a year to be given the chance to take this test. And he just gave it to her like it didn’t mean anything. He pushed her ahead of me. And I just had to smile and laugh like nothing was wrong, like I wasn’t burning with fury inside.



Worst of all everyone has been lying to me, hiding the truth. Trying to “protect” me. Bullshit. Guess I’m learning that old lesson again. I’m re-learning that the only person you can ever truly trust is yourself.



I didn’t know until I was just practicing and I saw HER name on the board for the grade above me. I thought it was a mistake at first. But I asked one of the teachers if it was true. He said it was.



I texted her and then another friend. Neither of them have texted me back. I feel betrayed. I feel like crying. I feel stressed. I feel like once again the only person who I can trust is me and only me.

My exam has been booked for next tuesday night. Tink is coming to watch. There are few people who I would rather have there. I'm glad she'll be watching. I just wish Cheshire was able to come.



Vergil spent the lesson going over my school figures for the exam and practicing a little tango.



He rang me while I was still at work and told he hadn't been able to sleep all weekend because I had told him the magic words that every man fears hearing.



"We need to talk."



We didn't get to talk about the fact that I feel he has been extremely hard on me and I hadn't been enjoying my lessons for a little while now.



I do have two lessons tomorrow night. I know that I need to tell him this.

Just got home from another studio party. My feet are absolutely aching and it makes me glad that I have the weekend off from dancing. Tomorrow is my baby cousin’s christening hence why no dancing on Saturday like normal.



The evening started off normally enough. Straight to the studio from work for a group lesson. This evening however we took our group lesson on the main floor (we usually have these upstairs to accommodate private lessons on the main floor).



I got to dance with one of my fav male students KPo (not his real name). He is one of the most talented students in the studio and I always have an amazing time dancing with him.



I knew Vergil was watching. So I made sure I didn’t pay any attention to him whatsoever. Kpo and I danced waltz. Whenever we dance waltz together I’m more careful with him than I would normally be as I don’t’ want to get any steps wrong. I always feel like a star with him.



Towards the end of the class I was about to dance rumba with another partner when Vergil decided to tell me he had approval to put me through my grading exam. This came as something of a shock as I had been held back for months despite being the best student in my grade. Plus I had been wanting to talk with him about our relationship and about how for the last two months I had felt like I wasn’t having fun anymore because I was caught between my love for dancing (which is why I walked in the door to begin with) and wanting to be amazing. Vergil really only wanted the latter for me.



Him telling me he had booked my exam defused a lot of the angst I had. But I still want to talk to him about everything that’s bothering me. Of course being a woman I was angry that he had made me less angry…if that makes any sense at all.



After that Tink, Cheshire, Ballerina and I travelled over the studio where the party was being held. It was an international themed party. I went as a German beer girl. I got to dance with a teacher I have never danced with before. He was amazing!!! I did not have a foot out of place with this man. He was funny and talkative and I had a great time doing cha cha with him.



Well I should probably go to bed now. I have to be up in seven hours to go to this christening. Don’t particularly want to go but maybe I need a few days off from dancing to let my body heal.

After a rather harsh lesson on my posture yesterday I've been working on it. Of course it came with the warning that it would initially hurt while my body adjusted to it.



The area just under my neck is rather sore now.