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This has not been a very good week for me. Somehow I was able to pull through it and was able to enjoy small parts of it as well. Hopefully things will get better so that I don't have to hide out in my room all the time.

There are times in life that I feel like all I should do is try my best to succeed in whatever it is I want. But then again, there are other times that I just say to myself "to hell with it all."

What a weekend. I spent the three days at my aunt's place just spending time with my cousins. Its strange how the more time you spend with people the more you realize that fate put them to be your family for a reason.

One thing that I have noticed about myself lately is that I get irritated a lot easier tha I used to be. Even when I was angry most people couldn't tell because I was that good at hiding it and keeping it under control. I wonder what it is that has been setting me off lately.

Talk about being stuck. Everything that I had ever thought I stood for seems to be disappearing. I think I have to make a choice now, but I don't know if I want to walk the same path that I always have and know what is at the end, or walk down this new road that is looking more intriguing but I have no idea whre it will take me.

For some strange reason, I keep thinking that I should be looking for something. Not in literal terms of course but... I don't know it just feels like I was, one way or another, drawn to this website in order to help find it. Hopefully someone could help me, someone here, because I have really been feeling different and I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes its like nagging feelings, others its irresistable urges that I have never really been too drawn to before. What's going on with me? I'm not scared, but I am confused and like I said before its like a part of me is gone and was replaced with something else, but I don't know what. Maybe I am scared, I have no idea where this other "me" came from or what, if anything, it can be willing to do. I know it sounds kind of contradicting, but I think that one of the things that does scare me a little is that I feel pretty much alone right now. Its like family ignores me and friends have almost stopped talking to me...........man, now I'm starting to sound like a basket-case. But still man, what should I do?

Strange day for me, for some reason I didn't feel like myself. I'm not saying that I get scared easily, but I'm also not saying that I don't feel fear at all. The more I started to think about it though the more I start to believe that there really isn't a whole lot to be afraid of. I was right about gaining that new outlook also. If there ever is a time that you get even the slightest spooked about something, just think to yourself, "If it is my time, then nothing can change it and I will meet death with courage. But if it isn't, then there is nothing to really be worried about then, is there?" Who knows, maybe there was that one thing that you wanted to try but never could get that whole "it would be the death of me" feeling out of your head. Don't let the fear of dying keep you from living.

I woke up today feeling like there was something different, but not like the good or bad. It felt more like something was going to happen that was going to change my whole view on the way I look at my life. I'm not afraid of it, its just one of those things that won't stop bugging me. I don't know, maybe its just me.

Wow, I never thought that I would be doing anything like this. But I have to say that I am really enjoying it and it is helping me to better understand my thoughts when viewing them from the outside. Sometimes I worry that I might be crazy when I try to adress what I think from the outside, but maybe that is the best way to try to understand whatever comes up. Rather than acting on any feeling that comes up it gives someone time to think