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The night was not a good one last night, for I didn't sleep at all and the visions that plagued me still confuse my all to numb mind.



The flashing, the voices, the extreme reality that it was all real and happening, it still confuses me yes, but yet again, it doesn't. It is something that I can't quite put my finger on at this moment, but I will write down a particular vision that struck me as odd.



I was doing a tarot reading, but I was possessed by spirits at the same time, so when I spoke my voice wasn't my own. Not only that, I wasn't using a typical deck, I was using a deck of nothing but astrological signs.



In this vision, they kept telling me to turn more over and over, so I did and when they said stop, my curioustiy got the best of me and I went to flip another over, when I hear them starting to scream and my room started shaking. I looked at the card that I flipped over and it was the Picese Sign that was upside down, a bad sign to say the least.



I had a chance to look at it and that's when I noticed in this vision that it was daylight outside, but when I looked to the moon, it was orange with a ring around it, a tigers eye. A really bad omen indeed.



So when I came to, everything was just like it was in the vision, my room a mess, the shaking had stopped, but I don't own a deck, so I was wondering where that came into the picture.



Not long after that I had another vision of the same sort, this time I flipped over a Tarus card, but it was sideways, and then that is all I saw when I came to once more.



I am confused right now, and trying to figure this riddle sent to me out. I don't know what it trying to be told to me at this time, but I hope I come to understand it soon.



Ah, I am babbling on again, I will leave this here and come back later to update more. Till next we meet.

I let my guard down once again when it should have been up, and then I took my only protection item off, and I was left open and exposed to anything that wished to do anything to me. An idiot, and I hurt for the ones that helped me because it was my fault that it happened in the first place.



I should have kept my guard up, I'm just glad it was me and not Andret, it would have killed and enraged me and caused me to access the darker parts of me, the things I have yet to control. All my fault, I feel horrible. I should've kept my guard up, but I grew lax in it.



If I would've kept it up, and put a barrier around myself like I normally do, everything would have been fine, but instead, my back got the point of a dagger and one wing was tore up from it. It hurt so bad, and it burned so much. It scared me, so much, so bad, I know I wasn't thinking clearly.



But as I said, I am glad it was me and not Andret, I don't want him to hurt, the good spirits know it would kill me.



I don't know what to do anymore...but..this is only the beginning, and I pray that all I care about is protected.



I'm so weak...so weak.....and I don't know what to do, and I can't afford to be weak...I can't.

While I sit here in a house that is dark except for the monitor in front of me that hums away into the darkness, the Moon glides faster to the top of the heavens to claim its throne for the few hours it has.



And while it is doing this, something in my blood is calling me to go out into the night and run with it, follow it to where it leads me or until my legs can no longer hold me up. I wish to be a part of the night, the night that I have been deprived of for so long now. Mother Moon is lighting her way for me, beckoning her chylde back to her, and I can do nothing but sit here because once the darkness settles in, I am forbidden by my father to venture out into it.



I miss the times were I dwelled in the cemeteries and talked with what creatures and entities dwell there, I miss the times where I felt like I was truely at home in the place where the ones who are no longer with us lie dormant and only the flesh of themselves.



Comfort is what I had when I was there, security and the feeling of being accepted by entities that understand me better them most do. I have so few out in this world today, so few, two sisters, one by blood, the other by soul, a man whom I love with all of my heart, and the few other family members that haven't rejected or disowned me.



While I danced and played in the cemeteries that I call my home, that was when everything seemed to be right and whole, but that is all taken from me.



Mother Moon is still rising and wishing me to join her out there, and I want so bad to follow her that it aches and I don't know what I can do. I pray to the good spirits as well as the bad for advice on this matter, but like always, I am given riddles back in return.



The wanting, the craving of being one, the feeling of hunger and the lust to be one with the night grow stronger after each passing night. What do I do now...?

While the sun sinks lower in the sky and the moon slowly slithers to rule the heavens in its place, I can finally sit back and relax after a day of running around town for the family and enjoy some time to myself.



Things today were alright, one could say, except the fact that I still have this lingering cough, but that seems to be clearing up as well.



I went to my little cousins nameday party, and she as grown into a young woman before my eyes. I remember when she was just a toddler and running around in her diapers, and here she is about to go into the 5th grade. Children do grow up fast, and for that, I hold pity for them because for many. . . the world and all its coldness will start to make itself known to them.



The heat here is blistering like always, and I felt like I was climbing into a portable oven on wheels when I finally got into my car to leave the place, but thank the good spirits for air conditioning, without it, I would have been a fried piece of charred flesh. Heh. . .imagine the cops walking into a scene like that. "Hey Al! What's this case about?" ". . .Flesh Charcoal" "Say what?" "All we have left is a piece of flesh that is charcoal." "No way!" "Dead serious".



Things like that that keep my mind turning, it's quite amusing, and I wish to try it sometime just to see the look on their faces, then to pop out of the backseat and saying surprise and watching them scream like swaddling children.



Ah, I've taken to babbling again, so I guess I'll take my leave for now. Blessed be, may many dark and light blessings fall upon each of you on this beautiful night.

Pleasant meet once again, and I hope everyone is fairing well.



Things are unfolding fine for the day that is ahead of me, blasted light burning my eyes in the morning waking hours while I try to recover from a rather interesting night.



As I said, I am pagan, not wiccan because I don't follow the three fold path, and worship the good and bad spirits, not the Maiden, Matrone and Crone. Back to the subject at hand, I was helping someone last night, and was called astrally over to his house because of some interesting happenings. It was extremely amusing and adventurious I might say, but I am left feeling a bit light headed, which is soon to pass.



Other then that, when I returned I feel asleep, but I am plagued with a sickness that clings to my body. It was weaker then I and I defeated it, but I am left with a lingering cough that fills me with frustration. That might be part of why I am feeling so light headed as of now, because I was accessing the astral plane while sick, hmms, it is probably so.



This may sound weird to most, but I had more memory dreams last night about a past life I had. It was intriguing but confusing at the same time. The time period was the Egytian time period and I was at a river where my guardian Jackles where watching over me. It seems I was in grief, and I think that was due to I was looking at my most trusted Jackle guardians body, but I do not know. I already knew I lived in the Egyptian time period and was in the noble house but not a noble. It seems I was well respected as a animal empath, so in turn, I was treated like a noble when in fact, I was not. Back to the subject, I found the way I died. I killed myself by drowning myself in the waters. It was very strange and I feel heavy right now because of it. Other then that, the items and things there have me wondering about them, so I am going to do some research to find out what is the meaning behind this.



Ah, I fear I wrote to much, so I will let this be until another time. Until the next we meet. Many blessings to those out there.

Pleasant meet to those whom stumble across this, I hope you are well and that everything fairs decently for you.



My name is Raine and this is where I will be expressing the many sides that I have, from the happy, to the sad, to the mad, to the glad.



I will most likely be placing pictures, poems, song lyrics, writings, emotions and other such things in here for it is a release of mine.



I will let you know right now that I am a pagan, and granted I am extremely open minded about a lot of things, but do not throw your religion in my face and say that it is law, because everyone has their own opinions and everyone was meant to believe in something different.



This is it for the update of sorts, I will update more later. Blessed be and good day.