Venting....
04:10 Feb 13 2012
Times Read: 418
I waited year after year, looking at the pictures of you, remembering all the things we said, all the things we did, trying to forget the bad, the negatives of my life. I wondered when you'd come back into my life, and when you finally did, you slipped right out my hands before I even got the chance to get a grip.
I'm hurting so badly with out you shane, all the problems you helped me through, seem to be creeping back up on me, For a long time I wanted to hate you, because it just made the pain seem less painful, I just wanted to have you back in my life, I wanted to be able to hug you again, and hear your voice, the day you wanted me to call you... I'm so sorry I never did, I had a guest over and I didnt want to be rude..... I tried to get ahold of you again, but I never got an answer, so I figured you just didnt want to talk to me.... God I miss you so much shane. I want you back, I need you there telling me your proud of me, that I'm doing a good job, I need you here so that you can just be there like you promised you always would be... You told me you would hold me up, when I couldnt, you said it was ok to have a broken heart, you would help mend it.
Shane, we had our rough patches, but you were the best big brother, and closest friend, I could of ever had. I miss you so much, my heart hurts not having you here, I kept having dreams about you too, and it was always in the same place, A halloween store, lol I asked why you wouldnt text me back, and how I always keep running into you there, and you just gave me this weird look. Guess I got to "see" you before you passed... and your damn skippy that Im going to come and visit your grave and talk to your head stone like an idiot.. cause I know your asshole of a family didnt actually bury you. :/ I'm hurting really bad with out you, I fell asleep thinking about you last night, calling for you, and I was jolted awake by this.. blockage?...
We want you back.... its just not the same with out you... and some part of me just doesnt want to believe your actually gone... it wants to believe the dreams, that your just going to show up with these random people in a truck or car to say hi to me and such... and it hurts cause I know it wont happen......
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