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Teddy i've been bad again,

my mommy told me so

I'm not quite sure what i did wrong

but i thought that you might know.



When i woke up this morning

i knew that she was mad,

cause she was crying awful hard

and yelling at my dad



I tried my best to be real good

and do just what she said

I cleaned my room all by myself

I even made my bed



But i spilled mile on my good shirt

when she yelled at me to hurry

and i guess she didn't hear me

when i told her i was sorry



Cause she hit me awful hard you see

and called me funny names

and told me i was really bad

and i should be ashamed



When i said "i love you mommy"

i guess she didn't understand

cause she yelled at me to shut my mouth

or i'd get smaked again



So i came up here to talk to you

please tell me what to do

Cause i really love my mommy

and i know she loves me too



and i don't think my mommy means

to hit me quite so hard

i guess grown ups forget

how big they really are



So teddy i wish you were real

and weren't just a bear

then yoiu could help me find away

to tell mommies everywhere



to please try hard to understand

how sad it makes up feel

cuase the outside pain goes away

but the inside never heals



and if we could make them listen

maybe they'd understand

so other childern like me

wouldn't have to hurt again



but for now i guess i'll hold you tight

and preten the pains not their

i know you'd never hurt me

so goodnight teddy bear

what are u suppose to do when your friends need you the most and yet your not able to help them?



i must make a confession



...i've gotten back my powers but it wasn't my decison to make

i did it for my friend but mostly i want revenge

i want to pay back someone who caused me a great deal of pain and suffering



the other night i felt so shitty and depressed ...maybe i needed a hug or maybe i just wanted to go home, but that's inmposible since i don't have a real home

i've been tossed back and forth between my parents that i don't know what to call home or who to call family

my old man started yelling at me last night and threatened to hit me

i called him a bad father and he tryed to him me but i ducked in time to miss his punch

he said i was just like my mother

later at 4 in the morning i started packing my shit and was gonna leave but then i broke down and cryed because i knew i had nowhere else to go

i'm stuck there and i have no money

i layed there in the floor curled up in a ball crying

later i noticed a pair of scicocors on my dresser and was gonna use em to slit my wrist but i didn't

if i did it would just prove to my dad that he was right and i'll be fucked if i'm gonna give him the satifaction of seeing me suffer





i stole $40 from my step mom before she left and when my mom picked me up we went to the mall and i bought me some pants from hottopic and a bookbag with skulls on it



they completely forgot about my birthday

ok so they didn't forget but they made up some lame ass excuse for not celebrateing it

i didn't even get anything on that day, no happy birthday or fuck you, nothing



i'm so tired of living there but i can't live with mom

she doesn't have the money



fuck this was the worst two weeks and birthday of my life

this is why i hate my birthday becasue to everybody else it's just another day and it means nothing to my parents



it's ok, i'll be alright, i'm just fucked up and everythings a mess



Raven

how could i not have known?

today i went to todds to swim, amy came and picked me up this moring and we stopped at crystals to eat

later i went swimming with Angelica and Chistain

but it began to lighting and thunder

Chirstan ran inside and left me and her in the rain

I got out of the pool and since she is afraid of storms i had to carry her inside

when we got there all the lights were off and it was kinda dark and depressive in the house

the tv screamed in the other room as we looked for the others

later i found amy and todd in Christans room togeather watching t.v

the door was bearly cracked open so i peaked in

a smile ran across my face because it remined me of when they use to cuddle togeather and watch t.v

but suddenly i became sad because i knew it would never happen again

they would never be togeather and Chirstain would have to live his life without his parents togeather just like me

i could see all the pain todd was going through

and i understood exactly what he was going through

he had put up some poems that he written on the walls in his room

one made me breakdown and cry

it was called : Me You and that Boy

i sat in his room looking at all the poems pics and memorys

his whole room was filled with her pic and memorys of her

it was so sad

i wanted to say something to him, to hug him or at least try to ease his pain but i know that i can't

he will always miss her and he will always mourn for her

he's still my brother-in-law to me but

i treat him like my fleash and blood

sometimes i wonder what the fuck happened to our family



It's not fair

damn you people for not trying

this is no longer fair

my grandmother has cancer and her chemo is it's toll on her

there is nothing we can do for her



i sat today at her beside till she went to sleep then i turned off her lights and left

later i drove home and it began to rain

i stopped at the grave yard and visted my friend

i was there for an hour but mom didn't even know i had left the house



later i got online and found out one of my friends or at least that's what they had me thinking

they stabbed me in the back

i won't go into detail but when i intercepted a message by accident...welll it hurt



anyway i later got into the shower but i remember staring down at the razor blade that sat on the counter

i wanted to do it sooo bad

to drag it across my wrist and get it over with



and yet somehow i'd still be stuck in this hellhole all alone again just like i was before



fuck it i don't need you anyway

bitch!!!



I HATE YOU