The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

'Parowan Prophet' Predicts U.S. Will Be Nuked by Christmas
19:59 Dec 16 2008
Times Read: 539

'Parowan Prophet' Predicts U.S. Will Be Nuked by Christmas................................











go here

18:59 Dec 16 2008
Times Read: 542

When four of Santa's elves got sick,the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.



Then Mrs . Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.



When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.



Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked,the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.



Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple

cider and a shot of rum.When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.



Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.



The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'



And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

The Global Facts .. At Any Given Moment:
17:04 Dec 16 2008
Times Read: 554








Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaged in intercourse right now.



Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.



Fact: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex ...



Fact: 1 lonely bugger is reading this post...







- You hang in there sunshine!

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85
18:37 Dec 12 2008
Times Read: 565

1950s pinup model Bettie Page dies in LA at 85

Dec. 12, 2008, 2:24 AM EST

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Bettie Page, the 1950s secretary-turned-model whose controversial photographs in skimpy attire or none at all helped set the stage for the 1960s sexual revolution, died Thursday. She was 85.







http://movies.msn.com/movies/article.aspx?news=343888>1=28101



She shall be missed

Health plans
22:43 Dec 10 2008
Times Read: 585










A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around

the hospital.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was

masturbating furiously.



'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's

disgraceful! Why is he doing that?'

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, 'I'm very

sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where

his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at

least five times a day, his testicles will rupture.









Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay,' said the woman.



As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient

laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again,

the woman screamed,











'Oh my GOD!

How can THAT be justified?



Again the doctor spoke very calmly: 'Same

illness, better health plan.'





LMAO :)

THE USED CAR
17:31 Dec 09 2008
Times Read: 598

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds.

As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two l ittle old ladies sitting in a used car.

He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car Were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no, we bought it.'

'Then why don't yo u drive it away.'

We can't drive.'

Then why did you buy it?'

'We were told that if we bought a Used car here we'd get screwed ..so we're just waiting.

The traveling woodpeckers
19:58 Dec 08 2008
Times Read: 605








A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck.







The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican wood pecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada t hat was absolutely 'im-peckable' (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challlenge.







The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'im-peckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.







Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?







After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.





LMAO

>God's Wings -
18:08 Dec 03 2008
Times Read: 644




A little something to put things in perspective...



After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park , forest rangers began

their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage.



One ranger found a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched

statuesquely on the ground at the base of a tree. Somewhat sickened by

the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a stick.



When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under their

dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending

disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had

gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic

smoke would rise.



She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her babies.

Then the blaze had arrived and the heat had scorched her small body,

the mother had remained steadfast ...because she had been willing to

die, so those under the cover of her wings would live.



'He will cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you will find refuge.'

(Psalm 91:4)





Being loved this much should make a difference in your life.

Remember the One who loves you, and then be different because of it.