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I spoke too sooon,, last night jd kept hitting me like he was the boxer and I was the punching bag. its just so crazy cause were crazy in love again and its like a vicious neverending cycle. me getting abused and everything being alright with us and were happy again. I wonder if its ever going to end? ive never felt so confused. today I had a couple friends backstab me. its like I'm watching them one by one walk out the door the whole word on facebook is against me and everyones talking about me even tho they don't know me. I don't understand why everyone is so offended by me just being...alive! soon I'm going to be all alone with just my husband to depend on and I knonw he isn't going to be here for me. maybe someday but I'm not counting on it

I spoke too sooon,, last night jd kept hitting me like he was the boxer and I was the punching bag. its just so crazy cause were crazy in love again and its like a vicious neverending cycle. me getting abused and everything being alright with us and were happy again. I wonder if its ever going to end? ive never felt so confused. today I had a couple friends backstab me. its like I'm watching them one by one walk out the door the whole word on facebook is against me and everyones talking about me even tho they don't know me. I don't understand why everyone is so offended by me just being...alive! soon I'm going to be all alone with just my husband to depend on and I knonw he isn't going to be here for me. maybe someday but I'm not counting on it

things have been so much better! not really sure how... but jd learned to communicate swallow his pride and let me cry on his shoulder. I finally feel cared for I feel needy for needing him but isn't that what marriage is? I used to be so independent until I met him I swear lol but falling in love makes you let go of those selfish thoughts and desires. I just hope it stays this way. I need many prayers and prayers jd will come to know god personally. the only way a man can change is if he follows jesus Christ. and I need changing too! I haven't been following god like I should. I feel like a slut tho I updated an old dating website but I uploaded pictures of us together and said I'm happily married lol I just miss talking to strangers they are so much nicer than people I know and talk to.

its sad I come here only when I'm depressed lol but here goes! so I was pressured to drive drunk by my husband and I refused to and he got so angry with me didn't care about my safety at all. honestly he doesn't care about anything. anything I tell him he makes fun of me about like my abusive parents and how I try to cope with it. ive lived in mental abuse for 18 years I'm 21 now and he expects me to be all better all perfect but honeslty I'm falling apart, I'm having flashbacks and panic disorders after many years of blocking out the abuse and my husband is not here at all to support me. this whole marriage ive been the strong one having his back and also having my own back. I want somone to care and nurture me not to use everything against me and see me break down to the point of suicide. honestly I fucked up my life with this marriage and theres no going back. unless I want to be single forever.