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As I sit here trying to distract myself from the memory of my daughter being taken from me,the time goes slow and eventually my thoughts slowly drift towards my daughter who I happily gave birth to back in march on saint Patrick's day five months ago. I sit

here fighting back tears and wishing that we her daddy and I could hold her,bathe her and feed her and play with her. my days are so much more lonely and depressing especially now that her daddy and i are temporarely seperated till all this is over,that just makes it so much worse. yes I have gone back to smoking ciggeretes and who cares what anybody has to say at least I didn't just resort to drinking and harsh drugs. I needed something to help me relieve stress. well anyway just had to remove somethings off my chest so keep reading my journals cause there will be more

Well first I loose my daughter to CPS and when they ripped her from me that's when the pain began! My daughter is my life, my heart,my soul,and my reason for wanting to live. without her the pain is so deep that everyday I struggle to live,to breathe,to just get out of bed,and to keep fighting to win her back into my arms.I'm so afraid that the bond we shared will be gone when she sees me and won't even know me that it hurts bad. sometimes I wish that i could join my parents because loosing them is nothing compared to having your little angel wrongfully removed from u.even though she's still alive and I thank the Gods everyday it hurts so bad.my arms ache so bad cause I just want to hold my baby girl and be able to tell her,"mommy loves you angel,I'll always be here for you"and knowing I can't just pushes me deeper and deeper,closer and closer to the edge! But I promise u this we will not stop until she's back with me,I put that on my mother's and my father's graves. and if that's not bad enough her father decided he wanted to seperate for awhile,of all the things and times to do that,this wasn't one of them.So yes the pain just keeps coming and day to day I sit and wonder what I've done in my life to bring all this pain upon me? and with it when I am all alone in the dark house while her dad's out with his cousin I look at her pictures and then I cry and sometimes it takes a long time to come back to "earth".why won't the pain ever stop? somebody please just make it stop,make it go away please!All I want is my man and my daughter back in our lives and then i know I'll be happy again.I just want to be happy.