The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Snarfact
03:24 Aug 21 2013
Times Read: 562

For crispy is the way of the cracker...it is not proper to be stale for it is written....it is not proper to let ones self become soggy....For It Is Written...

Thou will avoid excess of salts upon they crispy self as it is written...it is not proper to be adorn with lavish spreads for it is written.



Go forth and be crispy...!!!Dive sir swan the well is dry and your toes are gangrene oh sterile gods strike this candy moody traveler.

errp amidil consortin attome



if the pain sweeps chill hear not thy' omen nemo



A strung out oracle sneezes and every one won a passage to early warning of a hoax happens that that fiend had a cold and needed money to "heal"



Pass the sacrament on the left.

Card Collection
20:32 Aug 17 2013
Times Read: 576










Thank you VB for coding.

Free Book
00:46 Aug 12 2013
Times Read: 585

Free Book

For those with an interest in studying Mythology, and Spirituality.

09:49 Aug 10 2013
Times Read: 605

This was posted by Nikki in The Sand Box Thank it really gave me a hoot!







What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?



Wipes his butt.

Not for the humor impaired
23:22 Aug 03 2013
Times Read: 621










A Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"



First little girl says "The sky is definitely blue."



Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."



Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green"



"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."



Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"



The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"



"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit in my pants."

Avenged
23:10 Aug 03 2013
Times Read: 625








Little Johnny's teacher asks the students to come up to the board to draw a picture that represents the word "panic."



First Susie comes up and draws a burning building and a person hanging out the window. "That's panic", Susie says with authority.



Then Mikey draws a picture of a guy going over the falls in a canoe. "Now THAT'S panic" says Mikey.



Finally Little Johnny goes up to the board and draws a single dot. He stands back with a self-assured smile on his face.



The teacher asks, "Johnny, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to explain why that dot represents panic."



Little Johnny says, "That's a period. And when my sister doesn't get hers, THAT'S panic."

Johnny strikesw again..
22:57 Aug 03 2013
Times Read: 630

Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:



"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare."

Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:



"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"

Little Johnny Warns His Teacher
22:23 Aug 03 2013
Times Read: 634






Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.



He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades.... somebody is going to get a spanking."

Atheisist humor.
22:15 Aug 03 2013
Times Read: 636

A Sunday school teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"







Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!"



The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.



Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.



Little Johnny said, "Well, every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, 'Jesus Christ! Are you still in there!