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my head's spinning round and round...it won't stop. i feel dizzy and light headed, like i'm getting a migraine. it's constant and doesn't want to go away. the pain, the hurt, the thoughts, the dreams, the nightmares, the love....everything i want, everything i don't want, my hopes, ambitions, and goals...who i am, what i stand for....what i want out of life, who i want in my life, and where my future is headed.....



all these thoughts constantly running through my mind. so much to think about and deal with. it just keeps being added on and added on....everytime i get one step closer to my goal something else comes up or goes wrong. it's like i'm not moving anywhere.



i'm so alone and have no one to turn to...no one to give me advice, love, and the help i may or may not need.



it's like i don't exist to them, like i'm a nobody...sometimes i wonder if anyone wants me, needs me, or even cares.



i know there's at least 2 people that need me and want me....my kids....but that's different...on a whole other level.



i just wish i had someone in my life...someone who cared, loved me for me, and wanted to be there by my side. it just seems so pointless, hopeless, and impossible at times.



everytime i meet someone i get the excuse "you're too perfect", "you're too good to be true", "a person like you don't exist in real life", "i'm gay"(that one was true), or "i'd love to be with you but your family is too much to deal with".....my family doesn't have to be a part of it....that's an easy fix...lol.



i don't know...it just seems like a dream that just won't come true....like a dream, and i'm living in a nightmare.

i feel so empty and like my life is being drained out of me constantly. there's an empty place inside me and it won't go away. the more i stay where i'm at, the more i feel that i'm coming apart and losing more and more out of me, but at the moment there's no where else i can go. there's no way out. it's like i'm trapped, confined, and locked in one place.



it just seems like everything's being taken from me, i'm being stripped of who i am and what i stand for, like i have to fight to get my point across and to prove myself...and i hate fighting unless it's absolutely necessary which is rare, but i feel like i've been doing nothing but fighting lately to make people see where i'm coming from, who i am, and what i believe in...like they are trying to change me and who i am.



i just want to get away, start over, and be free. i want to live my life the way i want, be who i am without anyone caring or changing me, and live by my standards, morals, and beliefs. can't they just understand that...this is my life, my family, and who i want to be....why change it?



they made me the person i am....they are the reasons i turned out this way. i became the person i did due to everything i've been through, everything that's been done to me, my life choices, experiences, and the hate i had in my life from others around me....but it made me the person i am today, and that's not a bad person....i just don't see things the way they do in some situations, and i didn't turn out like them, but i think that's a good thing. i don't want to be like them...i want to be different, be my own person, and live my life to the fullest and how i want to.

the world can be so dark and cold. it's like you're all alone with no one to hold you. you look around and all you see is blackness and the only thing you hear is silence. the cold gets worse, and the silence deadens...everything is still. there's no life form whatsoever, no sounds, no smells, nothing. just deep, cold, blackness surrounding you.



then you feel something drip down your neck, and you realize that the coldness has intensified but now you're shaking and trembling. you feel the tears coming on, but know that they'll never come as you have no emotion at this point. you rub your neck, but can't tell what it is as you can't see anything. of course, you already know what it is, so what's the point of caring...it's your own blood.



suddenly you can't bear to stand anymore, and you drop to your knees. you're getting weaker and colder. you don't feel much anymore as you're finally going numb. there's not much life in you anymore.



then it's done. you're just lying there, eyes wide open, blank stare, no breath left, and blood drained. there's only 3 things left that can happen...you go to heaven, hell, or the great unknown.

COMMENTS

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LifesHermit
02:05 Jun 24 2009

It's an interesting comment - "there's not much life in you anymore." I would question whether there was any life in you to end up in this situation?



Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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TheVampyreNico
20:19 Jun 26 2009

I really did enjoy reading this very interesting what the person feels and goes through as they are being drained of life blood. by an unforseen being a vampire in which they are in the hands of love and they felt the kiss that will lead them to three doors one is eternal life and the other two take you to the heavens and the hell below.

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