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4 entries this month
Saralen...Trisha...
22:03 Aug 26 2005
Times Read: 610
I'm sry for being negative...but maybe you should wake up and realize how you are being. Sometimes its not always just the other person...sometimes its you too. I know i've been rather negative lately, but you have been too...either that or you think everythings gonna come out perfect...i know you out of all people know lifes not perfect and that we cannot expect perfection out of anything. Saralen...Please forgive me, i do not want our friendship to end. my life would go with it...and that i swear to you in more than one way...If we both try to fix things than maybe it would work...if not i dunno what to do, but we cannot give up...in the end it might be better...things have to get worse, sometimes much worse before anything can get better...
Trisha...where do i start...i'm sry for "leaving you out" and whatever else i've done...really i am, but why didnt you come to me. I didn't know...when saralen says you guys talked and u said you were perfectly fine...and then pretend to be...i've come dependent on saralen, unfortunately i believe everything she says...i dunno what i 'd do without her...i've been blind to everything around me and wish you would have told me myself...I love you trisha! really truely i do. About Chris...saralen told me you were still upset about him and what we did...i'm sry about that too but you deserved and still deserve so much better...would you really have liked to become his sex slave? only there when he wanted something out of you? come on...Saralen and i love you so much more than that. I guess we could have let you find out on your own, but he scared me, and you should have told him sooner...A good friend steps in when needed...saralen and i needed to do that...if we hadnt you might not be here right now...you could be in north carolina (of whereever the fuck he lives) being alone, and only feeling loved when he wanted something...Trisha once again i'll say...YOU DESERVE(D) SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM and if i had the choice i would tell saralen to do the same thing all over again. Please forgive me...
To all the others out there who i've obviously only ruined their lives...i'm sry to you guys too. Perhaps a friend of mine was right...i'm on a path to self destruction...pulling my friends and people around me down with me....
because i'm afraid to be alone.............
read...important...
03:26 Aug 15 2005
Times Read: 612
Please go check my xanga at www.xanga.com/darkshadowvamp
I'm gonna write more often there than here...but i just wrote a new entry which those who actually care what i have to write might find interesting...except saralen...
Ok so i got this answer in a quiz and...
05:07 Aug 10 2005
Times Read: 614
I took this quiz and i got a very logical answer....in fact my best friend (menagerie) and i were talking about it on the way home the other day...the quiz answered me:
Your afraid of: Death. You don't want to die because you don't want the people around you to suffer. How sweet. You don't want them to go through any pain so you don't want to die. Or, you might have someone very close to you who you have to help and don't want to fail them. To you death equals failure. And you can't fail that person. Your strengths: Your caring, out-going and love those close to you with all your heart. Your weaknesses: You sometimes care a little too much and get hurt because of it. Also, sometimes you care for others far too much and forget to take care of yourself.
I found this very true. I'm terrified of death...why? I think partly it is leaving those i love behind, but mostly its my horror and confusion of whats to come. I'm scared of the unknown. There's no book i can pick up that will give me answers (the bible doesnt help *smacks head* dont u think that's one of the 1st places i would check them my family's christian?)...no one has died and lived to tell (hope that made since). It confuses me the more i think about it. It's unfair! How can you believe in things in which you dont know exist?
I'm terrified of dying...of the unknown....
Just felt like writing something...
04:10 Aug 05 2005
Times Read: 620
Ok, just felt like writing in green so get over it...
I've felt so lonely and far from everyone else lately. I dunno if i've pulled myself away from everyone else or if its like i've been rejected by everyone else and they dont even know it. Friends i had just last week...seems like they've vanished. Almost like they were never there. Its all so confusing. Lifes changed...teams change...people come...people leave...God gives me something to live for...takes it away...gives me hell...watches me fall into a deep hole...picks me up...start life all over again...must learn how to crawl...
doesnt understand anything...
why's life so cruel...
life must end...
My one year old sister might have a brain tumor...will try to keep updated...
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