Honor: 0 [ Give / Take ]
11 entries this month
Life sucks, and its still falling apart around me....
04:37 Jun 28 2005
Times Read: 597
I hate this life! I seem to be pushing everyone i care for so much away and its not fair. I don't mean to but i find everyone leaving me, telling me i asked them to leave...i don't know how, or why but i am. Even some who have told me they'll love me and never leave are starting to drift away. Friendships i've found i've had for a while and those which i charish most are falling to pieces around me and i cannot fit it back together...
WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? my life is falling apart...i guess when you find that perfect life just to be forced to leave it to come back to a home where there's nothing but...crap...depression, stress, and anything far away from the life you know could be yours....someday...but you have to wait for you're "too young to go there now" and i should just "lay back and live each day at a time and enjoy my young years while they're still here. Some day you might want to go back" yea whatever i've heard enough....
Seriously wanting to run away back to missouri...everything is perfect, my reason for living, and my love...all is found there, 7 hours away...just out of my grasp...
*sigh* i hate days like today...
02:18 Jun 27 2005
Times Read: 599
Today's just been one of those "fuck everyone" days...life sucks and i miss luke. I seriously wish i could just pack up and leave for missori tonite, or tomarrow would probably be a better idea.
I've not cut for weeks...yet I'm hurting again...don't worry i'm trying not to...
*sighs* well not that any of that was very up lifting nor descriptive...i'm done..........for now.
Losing a friend....
20:20 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 603
I hate when you have a friend, but it feels like they're gone cause the friendship you had will never be the same...even if it was perfect just the day before. They go from being the perfect friendship to being blown up in your face cause you realize a true friendship can only last if you and your friend(s) try hard to keep it up. Yes eventually we grow up, and most become busy with boyfriends/girlfriends and eventually get married....friends have to share the time with them now but it doesnt mean you cannot still be the best of friends. Yes normally a family starts to come 1st, but friends will be right up there with them.
But no, no matter what i say...you have changed the friendship we had. It can be changed back but not with that attitude about it you have right now...i hate looking back on yesterdays for it only makes today even worse...
I love you sara, i always will...but you have to see that won't change even with my love for Luke....
Not fun anymore....
05:08 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 606
Perhaps you are right yet again...you have finally hit me over the head with a reality stick, you have made life kick me in the ass and tell me..."EVERYTHING SUCKS AND ITS JUST GOING TO GET WORSE...WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REALIZE IT!?!?!" Why did you have to go and bring it up, you knew i was in a bad mood and if you didn't perhaps you are right again and we're falling apart faster than i ever thought we would. I never wanted to lose you, in fact i still don't but you obviously have your heart set on us falling to pieces and i can do nothing to stop it.
i know life sucks, and yes i even knew that possibly life would take us slightly apart but that doesn't mean we had to completely slip...or that we couldn't still be the best of friends right now. Why did you have to do that? Whatever...hell with it, i'm tired of trying to hold something together when your so...so set on us falling to pieces..........
Just pretend we're still the same?
05:03 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 609
You think its that easy to pretend you didn't just say the things you said? its not that easy...you cannot say that our friendship means nothing, that you know someday it will end or at least be hanging on by a thread yet i'm supposed to just pretend everythings ok? I'M TIRED OF F***** PRETENDING EVERYTHINGS OK....I'M TRIED OF PRETENDING LIFE IS PERFECT. YOU URSELF SAID I BELIEVE LIFE IS "PEACHY AND PERFECT" THAT MY FRIEND IS ME PRETENDING...I TRIED TO TELL YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO THINK OF THAT HAPPENING...HAVING A BF DOES NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MY BESTEST FRIEND AND MEAN THE WORLD TO ME...please, please, either realize our friendship can last and can stay strong if you try...if you've given up then yes you are right, our friendship is doomed....but it doesn't have to be that way......
It doesn't seem right...
04:10 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 612
It doesn't seem right that the people you love the most should be able to push you so bad. I swear it seems like stress and bitchyness is contagious...its all around me and there's nothing i can do about it so what do i do...i give in and become a bitch as well. Its just not right, i feel like i should be able to chose or that i can and i choose what seems natural to be a bitch and yell back...to push my boundries and hurt those i love because they hurt me........or worse i not only hurt them but hurt myself as well which only hurts them more. I know they care but sometimes i wish they could just show it a little more than they have been...
Is that so?
03:28 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 622
If i hurt you so much, and everything...then why do you put up with it. Go into your own little corner of life like you always do...or better yet you can just enjoy your life while i get out of it...is that better?
NOT FAIR!!
13:35 Jun 24 2005
Times Read: 625
Not fair I cannot see you
not fair i cannot touch you
not fair i cannot be with you
not fair i had to leave
not fair i got to come home to an empty life
without you in it
not fair you're not the 1st and last thing i see
everyday, just the last thing i hear
not fair that life has to be so cold and put us so
far away from eachother
not fair...
YA KNOW WHAT....LIFE ISN'T FUC*** FAIR!!!!
Sry you guys who actually read this (if anyone) i just really really needed to right whatever the hell came to mind...and at 7 in the fricken morning when all i can think about is my boyfriend because i know he's up, yet i cannot talk to him...grrrr...when i was there it was wonderful now LIFE JUST SUCKS AND I'M SRY YOU GOT TO READ SOME STUPID A** WRITING ABOUT IT WHEN I'M SURE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS...i could added other stuff not about my bf but then that stupid thing would have gone on and on forever, kinda like this stupid paragraph afterwards is...ok i'll stop there so i'm not boring you to death!!!
interesting....
03:01 Jun 23 2005
Times Read: 630
while were at it...must i always headline my entries GRRR?
...GRRR!
03:00 Jun 23 2005
Times Read: 631
Dont you just hate it when you have plans with friends and one cant go so the other gets mad...then the whole thing is screwed over? Come on, it can still be a party with 2 cant it? we do it all the time! Just because its only 2 of us doesnt mean we cant still goof off and have fun. Only 2 of us means more water balloons and snacks for us :P...but whatever ruin the whole thing the nite of....
While i'm at it why don't i just let out the rest of everything...life sucks, i wish i were back in missouri everything was perfect there (yes even when you were in ur moods i could get past that cause i wasnt alone...), in fact maybe i should just dissapear back to there...i'm sure no one would even know the difference...
GRRRR!
21:03 Jun 04 2005
Times Read: 635
I'm so tired of "I promise i'll always be here" and then the person up an leaves...grrrr.
Ok...IF YOU DON'T MEAN SOMETHING....DON'T PROMISE ME! IN FACT JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT EVEN IF YOUR NOT PROMISING ANYTHING!!! I'M TIRED OF BEING LIED TO!
Promises mean alot to me...a promise to me is not something you can just break 2 seconds later. I take your word when you promise me something...if you break a promise...eventually i'm not gonna trust you very much....AND I TOO EASILY TRUST PEOPLE SO COME ON.
Sry if this was really stupid...but i'm tired of people promising and breaking it. It's happening more all the time....
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