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Lately I have been alone far more often than I should be. My mind wanders and for one like me, this it not good.



I am filling with doubts. Both inward and outward.



I begin to doubt myself and what I am able to do. I have worked so hard to be where I am yet things are still not right. I can't find work, I am now starting to feel like I have taken the wrong career path and am downing in failure. I can't pay the simplest of bills nor afford to go to a doctor when it is desperately needed. Failure surrounds me everyday.



In my life, I am blessed with an amazing husband that supports me and my decisions but now I doubt him. To him, I feel useless, a burden, and even unattractive most of the time. I begin to think he is with me out of convenience and not because of love. I know that I do contribute, clean, laundry, grocery shopping, helping my step son with homework and projects, but it feels like it is not enough.



I long to see my friends again. Many of them live in another state and some in other countries now, but I long for them. They are like family to me and I need them to lift my spirits. I am anxious to get away from here and be back with them, even if it is for a week.



I am stuck in a routine that is crushing me and my soul ever so slowly...

COMMENTS

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birra
19:41 Feb 09 2010

I can empathize, having once been there.



Best I can tell you is, when you feel like things need to change, don't sit around waiting for it to happen; it won't.



You have to make changes happen.



It might just start with talking to your husband about these feelings...

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everlust
19:59 Feb 09 2010

Thanks Birra. I was planning on it this weekend since he works all week.

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GalFriday
03:44 Feb 11 2010

I can't recall quite where you live at the moment but were it possible I'm sure MrD would share my sentiments in welcoming you to visit with us.



I empathize, I often felt this way and still do more often than I would like to admit.

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everlust
15:28 Feb 11 2010

Thanks Friday. It is nice to know there are people out there who understand how I am feeling.

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