The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i just found one of the best bands ever.. there called DeadStar Assembly. and they fucking kick ass! yes im siting in class again not doing what i should be doing. i might come in here during animal science because i can not stand to be around krystle right now.. thats fuckin hoe.. i hate her.. she lied about everything.. shes doesnt know christain in real life they never had sex she was never pregnant with his baby and she has never met ville valo form HIM ( fuckin sick bad love them) she has never meet any famous person and she says she has never gotten high off her ass before because shes a good girl well she was with maggie and she came right up to me and told me how high she had gotten and everything she had done.. so i know she would lie to me and im not even sad that we arent together anymore she was a fuckin waste of my time. Well i had to go see my anger councler yesterday and it sucked fuckin ass so he has to see me again tomorow so i wont go out and kill someone.

Dear, Journal well i just got caught smoking off campus and the stupid peloice man aint even allowed to be off campus to catch the kids so now i have to go to court and take some damn class and shit like a damn tabbaco awareness class.. it sucks so hard.. i should be in the nurse's office running passes for her but i dont fucking feel like it.. and i wont go back to school today because i dont wanna put up with all the stupid teachers and all there bullshit! Jess was with us ( this new girl who likes me but i dont return her feelings and i dont think i ever will but thats cool.. so yea she was the one who got caught with possion and she should have let the guy search her but instead she pulled them out and he would have been sent to court if he had to search her.. its against the law to search a girl. god i fuckin hate this school thank god i only have one more semester to go and then im gone and outa here! see ya later assholes! i have something better to do than go to fuckin school anymore. God when my see's the ticket shes gunna be so fucking pissed off and she wont even talk to me for like a whole damn month and she'll make me feel guilty and shit... oh well.. i'll live.. its not like im goin to juvie or jail or anything. i'll write back and let you know how it goes in court.

Dear, Journal Well i just went to bathroom and cut my leg.. because i couldnt take it anymore... and its bleeding down my leg and my teacher asked me what i did and i said i fell and cut my leg on some glass laying on the floor... nobody will ever know... and thats the best part of it.. no one will know...

Dear, Journal i hate being in this class right now with krystle i know shes over there with her little gang and i know that im the main center of attention of there confosation.. it hurts.. i dont realy care that much for her but its just that i lost someone else again.. but thats not unusal is it.. becuase once you start to like someone they always leave you in the end.. thats why i never let my heart show anyone any love and i dont show my feeling its fuckin stupid beucase im about ready to cry my damn eyes out beucase of this shit.. she's not the type of person i would kill myself over.. i have differnt reasons to kill myself and they dont invlove her.. im always going to be alone...theres no geting over it.. its fine tho..i'll go home tonight and close my curtains blare music in my ear and take all the pain out on myself like i always do.... its always my fault... i want it to be over... over ... over.. .please.... im through.. i guess you could call this my suicide note to people who dont even know me.

Another song i like.

jordan sent it to me



Slit My Wrist



Paranormal chicken geek

Drugged up superstar fiend

Genderbending galactic freak

Sci-fi lobotomy



Exorcism, circumcision

Horrifying gruesome scene

Bloodsuckers, a motherfucking

Brain dead neurotic fiend



[chorus]

Sick, get sick on this

You motherfuckers make me

Wanna slit my wrist

Sick, so sick of this

I wanna slit my wrists



A basketcase stitched-up face

Be all you can be

Chiller, killer, monster thriller

Trigger happy zombie



Radiation, masturbation

Infect the other human beings

Supersonic, chronic, vomit

Barbed wire cock ring

[chorus]

Murder, murder, yes indeed

K.I.L.L.I.N.G.

Murder, murder, yes indeed

K.I.L.L.I.N.G.

Murder, murder, yes indeed

K.I.L.L.I.N.G.

Murder, murder, yes indeed

K.I.L.L.I.N.G.

[chorus]





nother one he sent me



White Wedding





Hey little sister what have you done?

Hey little sister who's the only one?

Hey little sister who's your superman?

Hey little sister who's the one you want?

Hey little sister SHOT GUN!





And its a nice day to start again

Come on

And it's a nice day for a white wedding

And it's a nice day to start again





Hey litte sister what have you done?

Hey little sister who's the only one?

Well I've been away for so long

I've been away for so long

I've let you cope for so long





And it's a nice day to start again

Come on

And it's a nice day for a white wedding

And it's a nice day to start again



(Solo)



Alright

Take me back home again

And there's nothing fair in this world

And there's nothing pure in this world

Look for something left of this....(Scream)

Start again!



Come on!

Its a nice day for a white wedding

And its a nice day to start again

Alright

Its a nice day to start again

Dear, Journal its so sad how someone you thought you could trust and someone you thought loves you can go behind your back and talk shit about you and then send you to the office and get you yelled at by the principal its fuckin bullshit.. theres so much going on in my mind right now that i cant fucking think straight.. jordan and me have no future and its fine with me.. i think.. krystle broke our frindship up over a letter and because i told her that her boyfriend deserved better..so last night i went in my bedroom curtains pulled closed and the song "ohio is for lovers" by hawthorne hights blaring in my ears and cut my wrists... when did it all get so bad.. when did it go all wrong... when did i fall down so deep and lose myself?

heres my 3 songs from jack off jill



Strawberry Gashes



Turn her over

A candle is lit, I see through her

Blow it out and save all her ashes for me



Curse me sold her

The poison that runs it's course through her

Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over



Watch me fault her

You're living like a disaster

She said kill me faster

with strawberry gashes all over



Called her over

and asked her if she was improving

She said "feels fine" it's wonderful wonderful here



Hex me told her

I dreamt of a devil that knew her

Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over



Watch me fault her

You're living like a disaster

She said kill me faster

with strawberry gashes all over



I lay quiet

waiting for her voice to say

"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"



Scold me failed her

If only I'd held on tighter to her

Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me



Watch me lose her

It's almost like losing myself

Give her my soul

and let them take somebody else get away from me



Watch me fault her

You're living like a disaster

She said kill me faster

with strawberry gashes all over all over me



When I am queen I will insist with perfect scars upon my wrists

that everything you once held dear is taken away from you



When I am queen sweet girlscout's face and not a one will fall from grace

If all their hearts I could replace, but until then I'll have to...



When i am queen



Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown



When I am queen on royal throne made out of parts of broken bones

of all the devils I have known that suck the angels dry



When I am queen I'll have my way I'll make it drowning Dollie day

and all the tears that we have cried will suck back in our eyes



Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown



Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown



Hush baby hush baby

Hush baby go to sleep

Hush baby hush baby

Hush baby I'll make it be



When I am queen I will not wait my body type will still be great

I will not leave it up to fate because I hate you too



When I am queen they all will see the patron saint of self-injury

the glitter sores will heal themselves I'll play the part of someone else



Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown



Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown drown drown myself

Drown



Fear of dying



I'm not afraid of standing still

I'm just afraid of being bored

I'm not afraid of speaking my mind

I'm just afraid of being ignored



I'm not afraid of feeling

and I'm not afraid of trying

I'm just afraid of losing

And I am afraid of dying



Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too

Without you yes I do

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too

Without you yes I...



I'm not afraid of being sick

I'm more afraid of being well

I'm not afraid

Put the gun in my hand

I'm just afraid it will hurt like (hurt like) hell



I'm not afraid of screaming

and I'm not afraid of crying

I'm just afraid of forgetting

And I am afraid of dying



Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too

Without you yes I do

Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too

Without you yes I...



Fear of

Fear of

Fear of

Fear of



I'm not afraid of looking ugly

I couldn't care what they say

I'm not afraid of happy endings

I'm just afraid my life won't work that way



I'm not afraid of forgiveness

I absolve you everything

I'm not afraid of lying...

But I am afraid of dying



Without you yes I do and I hope that you do too

Without you yes I do

Without you all I do is sit and think about you

Without you yes I...

*Bites lip to keep from crying*



i dont know what to do.. this person is not like me at all.. im not suppose to care what people think .. i shouldnt fall in love and when i get my heart broken i shouldnt care. im the type of person who shouldnt show emotion no matter what happens in my life. im strong and i dont cry.. crying is a weekness...but you know everyone crys sometimes... i just cry red..

i 'v been cutting every day now... it someting i just feel like i have to do.. to stay alive.. i dont want to cut i hate doing it but.. i have to.. or i'll die i know i will.. im nothing... seriously im nothing.. i dont know why people like me so much..

Dear, Journal Its the last day of school untill thanksgiving weekend and im siting in math class and we have to work on collage work.. me and jordan talked last night and hes trying to sound all innocent and shit... but i dont know if i should belive him after what he did and damn hes still with his wife even tho he says he likes me.. why the hell is he stalling? He jsut needs to dump her so i can have a chance becuase i can show him what real love feels like and i would never hurt him.. id show him respect... But im never going to get a change with him so i dont know why im siting her writing about him because well he loves his wife and there planing on killing themselfs to be with each other.. i dont realy think it would make a differnce heres my song to jordan right now..



Dixie Chicks

Not ready to make nice...



Forgive, sounds good.

Forget, I'm not sure I could.

They say time heals everything,

But I'm still waiting



I'm through, with doubt,

There's nothing left for me to figure out,

I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying



I'm not ready to make nice,

I'm not ready to back down,

I'm still mad as hell

And I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is

You think I should



I know you said

Why can't you just get over it,

It turned my whole world around

and i kind of like it



I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,

With no regrets and I don't mind saying,

It's a sad sad story

That a mother will teach her daughter

that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.

And how in the world

Can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they'd write me a letter

Saying that I better shut up and sing

Or my life will be over



I'm not ready to make nice,

I'm not ready to back down,

I'm still mad as hell

And I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is

You think I should



I'm not ready to make nice,

I'm not ready to back down,

I'm still mad as hell

And I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell

Can't bring myself to do what it is

You think I should



Forgive, sounds good.

Forget, I'm not sure I could.

They say time heals everything,

But I'm still waiting

i swear to god i hate this fuckin world and it can burn in damn hell for all i care.. jordan can fuckin go with it.. now everyones mad at me because he says i kissed him and thats not fuckin true he kissed me in his wifes damn fuckin car! im sick of everyone thinking its me who are breaking them up because its not me doing it! i cut myself in the bathroom today after lunch because i couldnt take it anymore and god it made me feel better to just see myself bleed becuase its been so long since iv felt alive and i had to see it.. my soul is cracing and my black shield is ,melting...



anyway



amey

Peices.





I tried to be perfect

But nothing was worth it

I don’t believe it makes me real

I’d thought it’d be easy

But no on believes me

I meant all the things that I said



If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I'm trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own



This place is so empty

My thoughts are so tempting

I don’t know how it got so bad

Sometimes it’s so crazy that nothing could save me

But it’s the only thing that I have



If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I'm trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own



(On my own!)



I tried to be perfect

It just wasn’t worth it

Nothing could ever be so wrong

It’s hard to believe me

It never gets easy

I guess I knew that all along



If you believe it’s in my soul

I’d say all the words that I know

Just to see if it would show

That I'm trying to let you know

That I’m better off on my own

I know it sounds stupid but im about ready to cry my eyes out... mine and jordans day went good untill i got home and he deleted me from his myspace page and told me not to talk to his wife again...



*Bites lip to keep from crying*



i feel like a fuckin fool. i dont know weither he likes me or not or if i was being used but on saturday he seemed like a differnt person than yesterday becuase last night we were at the mall and he was around his wife..and not even paying attention to me when we were arounf his wife. so last night i came home and went and had like 12 shots of whisky and smoked a joint cuz im a dumbass so now im flippin hungover and siting here rambling over stupid shit. We wernt even dating so why do i feel so sad now and why do i wanna cry my eyes out over some boy that iv known for about a week and 2 days? becasue i had feelings for him or did i just want one person who would maybe care about me someone that looked right with me.. krystle (x-g/f) makes me sick because she wants to be with me again but i dont want to be becasue i dont feel a conection with her and shes realy not my type.. unlike jordan who was my type.. nothings going right i broke down last night to my parents because i was shakin and i couldnt stay still becuase of the marijuana and whisky i took last night i smoked a joint also.. and then broke down last night and had to call my sister for help beucase she knows what the systoms are and i knew she could tell me what to watch out for so i wouldnt freak out and be sent to the docter.. i think i need to be on ainti- depression pills beucase im always sad about something maybe im emo.. becuase i cut myself but i dont want to die.. all i want is to find that one person who will love me... i hate walking down the halls of my mormen infected school and seeing everyone in love and knowing that i dont have that and wondering if i ever will. i havent felt good all day besides being hung over.. and its not a yuky feeling by its self its more of a dont touch me i'll fuckin kill you kind of feeling..

*Sigh*... I'm so stressed I want to cry...





~amey~

now im siting in math and we have to do a report about colleges and its fuckin stupid and it should rot in hell for all eternity for all i care. anyway i met a new girl about 4 days ago and im going crazy becuase i realy like her and shes so drop dead sexy and i would so do her on the spot. we talked for like 3 hours last night on the phone and it felt so right. maybe im in love at first sight like that saying goes. But i realy dont want to come off as stalkerish and scare her away because well hell i just met her and i dont want her to think im one of those crazy ego-trppin where-are-you all the time kinda girls becuase well thats not me and it never will be. Well i guess i better close for now becuase its geting close to next period and i dont want to be late. so i'll update again later tonight and tell ya'll how things went with jordan. hehe ^^



love always

~amey~

In siting in my BCIS class in my mormen infected school and i have all kinds of prepy people around me. i havent felt good all day and its not even a yuky i dont feel good feeling its a touch me and i'll fuckin stab you kind of feeling. Anyway g2g bell rang.