The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Despite my religion, I believe I owe it to myself to learn about different religions and practices. Particularly one's that won't get me killed or maimed or some other crazy thing. Wicca for example, is one of the first things I would like to know about. I would greatly appreciate it if anyone worked with me on how to bind energy to Swarovski crystals as well. Other than that..I would love to visit Highgate Cemetery in England to see if I could possibly work on my energy detection methods. Other than that..I'm not sure there are many safe practices out there. Necromancy being one of them. Someone told me that it is an interesting thing to be able to conjure and speak to the dead, but I wouldn't mess with them if you killed me and forced me to live with them. So.. pointless journal entry? I think yes. lol

What do you do when the person you fell in love with a long time ago suddenly announces their engagement to another person? Someone that you hate..? 5 years and the feelings still havn't gone away..loneliness, anxiety. Someone that still makes you feel guilty as though you're the reason they're not in your life anymore. I'll watch both of them rot for what they've done to me... some people don't deserve to be happy....

Today my friends and I were walking along the railroad tracks when we came across a bridge over a river. Court and her bf sat down on one side and my friend and I sat on the other and it was freezing..about 40 degrees I would say, and getting dark within the hour. Stuff had been crazy so I decided for the first time to meditate. Inhale, build energy. Exhale, push it outt and feel nature around you. After a few reps I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful thing. Something was headed towards us on our side of the bridge. The water was rippling upstream like something big was swimming around. A few moments later, the cutest beaver (1st one I'd ever seen) swam right under us. Instead of bothering and trying to pet it like always, I was taken aback by it's beauty and coincidence. I watched it nearly swim under the bridge, then circle under me, then sniff the shoreline and flop up in the mud. It kind of..buried itself in the mud, gathered straw, and dropped it. maybe it was looking for food? rolling in the mud to warm itself? I have no clue but I was thrilled to see that my meditation worked. The whole time my friend was snapping silent pictures like any normal person would, but for some reason I couldn't do a thing. In my head I asked a silent prayer to give me someone that would show me the way that would make me who I want to be someday. Although not a prince in shining armour, the beaver was by far a beautiful miracle, and a sign. Last night, someone told me that I had perfect skin..just pale enough yet not pale enough to show veins. I was flattered, but kept my cool.. I love how everything is coming together so quickly. More practice and I'll be good at anything I reach for. tata for now.

~Love~

I would gladly sacrifice shortlived days for a lengthy stretch of eternity. Like a thorn in my side, I'm going mad searching. Waiting. The energy around me thrums in the air. I can feel eyes watching me, presences that have been there all along, waiting for me to mature, to mentally stabilize myself long enough to see the error of my ways. In reality, the more I will it, the further it will run from me. Someone will come, someday. I can only hope that in this day and age of mine, I will have the opportunity to see it fly by in a flurry of colors. My youth is draining from me, my existence becoming more futile with each passing day. So vain. Patience...

~Patience~

After having a long talk with my eleven year old sister about religion, spirits, psychics, etc. something clicked in my mind. Only yesterday I was talking to a necromancer who claimed that the spirits she had conjured up refused to answer her questions. I draw the conclusion that they were either angry or disturbed at being conjured up and were in no way the ancestors she had thought they were, or that they simply did not have the energy to do so partially due to the fact that she claimed to only be able to hold a connection up to a half an hour. She told me she was from Turkey. She also stated that Wicca was a child's religion and focused on natural energy too much which I believe to be a matter of opinion. Clearly this woman was in over her head, so I took leave and told her that I would occasionally message her to learn more about her and her meditation techniques, etcetera. Whilst my sister and I were talking I paused the tv show we were watching (conveniently deemed Child Psychics) and proceeded to talk to her about spirits and demons and the like. Moments later, the television continued playing the show. After trying the same thing three more times, she and I got for lack of a better term spooked. I thought perhaps it had to do with my amazing ability to destroy everything electronic I touch. Either that, or something was toying with us. Now that I look back on it, I feel like a fool for not listening to the times when the television would play and skip over entire minutes of live television. Perhaps there was a message to be heard..? Suddenly I felt an immense energy coursing through my body like I've only ever felt once before. I was at the local fair looking at Swarovski Crystals with Sam and I felt exhausted and inadvertently proclaimed it to everyone around. The woman's assistant asked if I needed energy and told me to hold my hands out, palms up. My stomach turned upside down and my hands felt like jolts were running through them. Simply amazing. Tonight I felt similar as though there were a lighting bold in my forearm. So. We experimented and went over to the touch lamp in my grandmothers bedroom. Of course, the lamps are designed to create a circuit depending on the capacitance of the human (or not so human) skin, however, we tried something different. We got a metal ring, a longer bobby pin, and a long metal fork and tried conducting our energy through it. the fork was the hardest object to conduct electricity through. By focusing my energy hard enough, I can make my whole body go numb and steal my breath away, and each time I tried (it was extremely difficult) I could turn the lamp from low to medium to high once, then twice, then rapidly without control. My sister tried it as well, and to my surprise, she surpassed me with ease. For an eleven year old that's pretty good. I blame being left handed since she used her right :) Plus she claims to be able to see ghosts and the future. Whenever she can't light the lamp, I touch her wrist and about 75% of the time, it lights up. Funny correlation considering my great grandmother considers herself to be "part-psychic" . the sad thing is, no one believes her :( I could tell from the day I met her that she had vampiric blood in her. I tried the lamp again using two forks. Left hand-nothing. Right hand-nothing. both-the lamp lit up once. After I took them off the lamp light remained and after I put both on again the cycle repeated itself. The circuit had been completed. I tried the same thing with my sister, first holding her right with my left and then holding her other hand. She nearly jumped and said that her stomach turned into butterflies. So many questions.. To be continued, in many shorter entries sometime later on. Alas.



~these things cannot all be coincidence~

About 2 days ago, my sister and I were engaged in a full-throttle pillow fight, when I bounded for the door and went to turn the light on. As soon as I touched the lightswitch the bulbs cracked like lightning flashed and 2 out of three burned out instantly. More insight later. 0148 hrs. 20120123

It seems like everywhere I go I can't help but find something malfunctioning. Electricity and I don't get along so well. Perhaps I'm an empath? no, vampire for sure. Honestly, I have no clue..seems strange that I would find myself here on such a website because despite everything that has gone through mine and countless others throughout the centuries, I can't shake the feelign that there's soemthing strange about me. something in my blood. My great grandmother is nearly 92 years old. not terribly unnatural considering she has many problems such as arthritis blindness etc. however she told me that she was related to a famous Irish king of Old. Not onlly that, but my great grandfather has 14 brothers and sisters and none of them lived to be 80, except for him. he's almost 96 and stronger than my grandfather. could this be biological? I walked into a store the other day and examined some speakers that shot water up with the bass of an ipod that you would plug it into. As soon as I touched it the water shot up to the top. My friend looked at me like I was crazy and touched it. nothing. I tryed again with one finger. it shot up like crazy. I put my hand on one oft those electric balls that have little lightning tendrils that stick to your fingers and put my hand on the speaker again. instead of shooting up. It skyrocketed and jetted out so fast it almost broke. so interesting. so much to learn about so little time. the question rings in my head..could this be biological?