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I am at a sad point in my life right now. I have just come to the realization that the women I love may never be able to return that love. She may always be in my life as a friend but she may never love me as much as I love her.



The question IS: Should I listen to my needs and wants or listen to my Head and not my Heart? Do I love her enough to let her go? I think this will drive me insane, oh too late. HAHAHAHA!



When is the point that you should give up your needs and wants. I am going to let her know how I feel and see what happens.

When it rains it pours! I went from being alone, to being way too busy for my own good. I have met some interesting people through a local group of pagans. Met lots of new friends. Have been doing too many things to do any writing on the story that I have started. Sorry to all that have started reading it. It may be finished by the end of the summer.

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Nepherus
15:54 Jul 15 2009

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Without friends one would truely be alone. Recently three old friends came back in to my life, it is certainly going to be a wild summer. It should be a summer to remember.



Yesterday at work a long lost friend came to see me. Not more than ten minutes before she arrived I was remembering the nite that we had spent together almost ten years ago. Just one of the best memories in my life. As soon as she noticed I had just fininhed waiting on a customer. She smiled and leaned down to place an item on at the checkout, thats when I knew who she was. It was her simle, one of the things that I will never forget about her. We talked for almost an hour anout anything and everything that was on her mind. She had to go and pick up some thing for her mother. She said she would keep in touch.

WOW, sometimes the mind is an amazing thing. Just to think of about a person just before they appear. Just like an early warning sensor.



As I was on the way home last nite, my exwife called and asked me to stop by her house. I was a little worried about what she could want. She just wanted to talk and convince me that all had been forgiven between us and that she wanted to be friends again. We watched a movie after we finished talking about the important issues that were on her mind. The new lost boys movie, was what we watched. It was ok, after the movie her son came home, he and I talked for a few minutes.

After that I went home only to be interrigated by my brother about my activites for the evening. I did not notice it was almost midnite when I arrived home. After telling him were i had been, he just laughed and said whatever make you happy. As he went to bed he said only one more thing, just be safe. That is as experssion that I have heard a lot lately.



Today as I got online a old friend hit me up on IM. It was nice to hear from her again. We talked for a little while. She was telling me about all the difficult times her is going through. All I could do is offer her a sholder to cry on and an ear to listen, so I did. It is good to try to help your friends out when they are in trouble.



The notion of friendship is the point of todays entry. What is friendship? Is it just the state of being friends. Is it just being not hostile towards another person. Is it just being kindly supportive towards another person. Is it being there for someone to help them through the bad times and be there for them to also enjoy the good times. Is it a combination of all of these things. Or is it something else altogether. If any of us figure this out the world will be a better place to live in.

Relationships are the most complicated things anyone will ever have to experience. They are the only thing worth the experience. Either a friend, companion, lover, or soul mate; all or any of the relationships are worth the experience. If one ever finds a person the you can feel all of these for and they in turn return these feelings; that is a magical experience indeed. Each relationships takes patience, time, and understanding of the other person and as well as yourself. Without patience, time, and understanding you are just not going to be happy. Trust is what everything boils down to. Without trust you can never be happy. The one who can trust is the one who can love, but be careful for they can also be hurt. If you ever find the one that can trust you be gentle with them, because the are precious.

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VampTWI
15:17 Jun 12 2009

very insightful...and so very true.

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FathersGrace
18:19 Jun 15 2009

indeed ^.^

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What is confusion? Is it simply not knowing what to do or is it more that. Is it willing or unwilling, is it not being able to make a choice that you know that needs to be made. Sometimes choices have to be made and damn the repercussions that occur because of them. Never being able to make a choice that may be better for you in the future or to enjoy your life as you know it to be now. That is confusion. One day I hope that a choice can be made, but for now I will enjoy the pain that I subject myself to.

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BLOODLIFE
16:00 Jun 11 2009

Now I'm confused :-s

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What exactly is a door? Is it a passage that has to be opened before you can continue on with your journey? Is it just some physical object that can be moved? Or are doors not just physical, but mental and emotional? There may even more types of door that, but anything else will lead to more confusion! The doors I speak of are my newest friend and the mental and emotional stress that women puts me through. YARG! If I was not already "MAD", I soon would be.

I am currently soo damn Happy with my new friend that I cant seem to get any inspiration going for my writing. DAMN!

Wow!

Today should have been the worst day of my new life. Me and my new friend just had what could be called our first augruement, last nite. Both of us left mad. Like I said it should have been the worst day, but it turned out to be one awesome day. I got off my ass and went to hang out with some friends. I enjoyed myself way to much, even laughed a little too much. They cheered me up alot. Later I went to play cards with the boys, just to pass the time. I got to bet one of the players that I never get to beat. Then when I get home I jump on the computer and I find someone I thought I would never see again on MYspace. As one door closed another door hit me in the nose. A lady that I met late last year, has suddenly reappeared in my life. I am not going to miss out on any oppturnity that comes my way. I am going to live life the only way I know how. I am going to enjoy what life has delivered to me regraudless of who it hurts. Live free and die well.

Pain can be Physical, Mental, or Emotional. I have now exeperienced all three of these kinds of pain. I have been burned, cut, beaten, had bones broken. I have been stressed out till I thought my mind would explode. I have had my poor little heart ripped from its chest a few times now. I dont know which of the forms of pain can be the worst. I am glad for the chance to experience all of these, because through experience wisdom can be gained. Sometimes I just wish that I was not soo damn blind to the world going on around me. Sometimes I just need to stop thinking of myself and consider the needs of others. If that is my greatest fault, then I am now a better person inspite of that. If only I could go back in time and take back one mistake, I would not have lost my friend. I did make a mistake by not stoping to consider her situation and that I will regret for the rest of my life. You know who you are and I am sorry for all the pain that I caused you. Eternaly Yours!

A new day dawns for me, I will no longer look to my past. I have freed myself from the hauntings of my past and look towards the future, reguardless of what it brings. The present can only be spent enjoying new expreriences, accepting what happens reguardless of the outcome. I stand at the dawning of that new day ready to embrace it.

Confusion is my newest sensation. It leaves my mind into a cold dark room and locks it in that room. I am sitting in the room not knowing if I will ever see the light of the moon or light of the day ever again. Stuck here wondering if I will ever be released form my prison, will antone ever set me free.