The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

When do you lose hope? When do you begin to despair?



For me it’s the pre dawn gloom, when the world darkens. Tears stain my face and the hellish glow from a cigarette is my only companion, the night air still gently biting my skin.



Then the sun begins to stretch over the horizon, bringing her warm embrace, like a mother comforting a crying child, washing away tears with her warm embrace.



Hope is rekindled and the cold is washed away in the warm embrace. Hope lives again.



The dawn of new possibilities and wonder, that is brought with a new day.

I'm tired, worried, scared and very very pissed regarding the sham that is redundancy and the impact on my life it is having.



--------------------------------------------------------------

You broke my spirit and then asked why i dont smile like used to.



Where do you people get off, put the blade in, twist the hilt and then say "Smile. Its not all bad." can i say something "FUCK YOU"



Im tired and worried, scared would be a word i would use, my life is uncertain and i hate uncertanty, "where do you people get off?"

"leave me alone." my wounds need time to heal, both in my mind and the phsyical scars.



You wonder why i dont smile like i used to, because i dont feel like smiling, you used me and then threw me to the side, kept me waiting three days for information and when you gave it to me told me to wait another week!!!!



"STOP FUCKING WITH ME"

Contemplation-



The rain is whispering through the sky like so many tears shed, in a silent display of sadness. I find it refreshing yet it pulls at my emotions, unsettles my happiness and centre of being. Again I am thinking of escape from this place and a return to the places I relate to safety, security and friendship. I sometimes wonder why?



Then it passes and I go back to the rut, sinking below the surface of clutter I fill the void with. Internet friends and games, convincing myself I am happy with life. When I sit and evaluate things in the darkness. The glow of a cigarette occasionally beating back the shadows, it hits me and I realise. Happiness is a roundabout it comes and it goes, for the moment it is gone, but it will return shortly.



I caught a glimpse of one of the many stories in the mirror this morning, have to remember and keep them covered. The pangs of guilt and reminders of pain inflicted upon those around me, flows through me, and subsides as ever. If it wasnt for the fact i have to shave i would take down that damn mirror.