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I bought my lover a ring... not just any ring but a ring that had a partner because we are partners and I wanted him to know that every moment he wore that ring that I was wearing mine and despite distance, time, and circumstance "we are forever united, not only by love but by blood... it was fate and our stars can not be changed". However upon the mere mention of it he began to give a speech which was obviously the rehearsal of years of abandonment and abuse... my heart broke instantly and now I still look at my ring with a tad feeling of shame. I've purchased him other rings, many other little bits of jewelry because I am a generous girl... I am a handful, I am spiteful and wicked and demand loads of emotional sacrifice, I violate and manipulate and tears, blood and insomnia are just the starting part of what I need to feel secure however my relationships are envied by the outside world. You'll never see my mate walking without pride over new clothing, accessories or trinkets to prove affection. They will never be sexually frustrated, mentally tensed up (unless I want them to be) or physically aching (again I feel they need to be) because I provide them with everything I can.



However my presents are lovely and I send them with my soul attached to each piece, still I look at the ring he wears and think... its meaningless. As many times as he's told me "I love it" or "I wont take it off and you better not remove yours" nothing seems to make it truly real. What am I waiting for? Psychologically that question has been hurling around in my mind over and over again and it feels like razor blades are dangling off the end of it as it circles my brain (cutting and my organ is drowning in its own blood). I feel damaged...

On one thousand blood drops I've cried

On one thousand tears I've died

But each time

I thought of you



On one thousand petals I rot

On one thousand rumors I'm talked (about)

But each time

I think only of you



On one thousand memories I survive

On one thousand heartaches I thrive

But each time

It's been for you



On one thousand kisses I've swallowed

On one thousand hopeless dreams that've for you gone hallow

But each time

I had you mind



On one thousand prayers you send me

On one thousand embraces now gone empty

But each time

I still love you



In the this lifetime I've spared

In the next one idk where

You are forever entangled in me

Each time, in one thousand lives

You can tell how badly I crave touch when a customer gave me a small embrace & a kiss on the cheek made the lining of my uterus shiver. I blushed so hard I felt my blood under the skin of my face & not even makeup could protect me from the stares of my fellow employees. "What am I doing?" I thought, "I have a boyfriend, fiancé even (almost... maybe?!?!?) Hell even if he's not I'm utterly devoted to the man, yet here I am flirting with not only men but women too. Praying on their insecurities and boosting their ego just like the games I always play." It's now I realized why all my exes didn't want me working. I never really thought of myself as a beautiful woman but apparently I'm more attractive than I would like to give myself credit for, put that plus my manipulative mind & I'm a predator of epic proportions. Is it cheating to feel this needy for attention & affection? Honestly I do feel guilty for the contractions of my vagina but all I can think about is how I don't want any other person but the one I've got. What's mine is mine.

Is there a light of the end of the world? Can we watch it burn together? Will we never reach forever? How could I have ever thought you would change, when its your very nature to run. All I am is what this universe has made me be, I had to survive by meaning this mean but you think you can have the best of me without taking in the worst but here I am before you with blood on my hands and screaming and shaking, I can be in love with someone else in an instant and forget them the second after, its who I am and what I've secretly learned to master but you have always been meant for me, even when you make me miserable. Tear drops are like acid rain burning straight through my veins, scaring my pretty face so I looked like a butchered disgrace and still I call your name though all you do is push me away like I'm insane. Maybe we should just sleep all day because our fantasies of each other seem so much more explicit and exotic than anything we can do when we're awake. Am I just the tool you'll use to ignite this planet into flames? The fire sign that you will blame for your bad temper? Since I'm no longer a mystery will you still love me? With murder on my lips will you still kiss me?

XoXo

Ebisen

I want to be the one to give birth to your legacy, to carve my name into your chest & have you shirtless with pride. With an ink gun in my hand I will trace over my lipstick stain & you will forever remember my plush lips tingling your flesh. Your arousal will be my breath & your ecstasy my wicked smile, your death will bring life back into my eyes & in between it all you will whisper & moan my name so my heart beats & breaks over and over again.

Am I truly the one you want? It doesn't matter anymore as I've already marked you & you belong to me indefinitely. I told you once our affair is far from over, your obsession is mine & I can not stop giving mercy & praise to the ones who worship me, the ones like you who bleed & cry & say they need me. I am consumed in chaos, to remain loyal or to chose to only embrace my inner dark desires. If you were me, what would you do?

Demonic visions plague my mind & I lay on my back, caressing my neck, biting my lip & finger, giggling at the sound of my every sigh & for what? To pretend that you'll see it all? Do you? Rebellion against me will cost you your life, do not make the mistake of mistaking my mercy for weakness, again I stand before you... With the choice I never had, are you ready? Will you be my victim?