The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I found this on the Internet and wanted to post it here. These signs can apply to anyone male or female. Just be careful people.



Characteristics That Might Identify A Potential Abuser



FAMILY HISTORY: Has your partner reported being physically or psychologically abused as a child? Was your partner's mother abused? A family history of abuse is a significant predictor for a person to become an abuser as an adult.



JEALOUSY: Is your partner jealous when you spend time with friends and/or family? Does your partner constantly accuse you of flirting with others? Does he call you frequently during the day? An abuser will probably tell you that jealousy is a sign of love and concern. In fact, jealousy has nothing to do with love; it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust.



CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: Does your partner become angry when you don't listen to his advice? Is your partner angry when you are a little late coming home from an appointment or shopping? Does he control all the money? Do you have to ask permission to leave the house? Are you afraid when your partner becomes angry with you? At first, abusers will explain that controlling behavior is motivated by their concern for their partner's safety or the need to make good decisions. Rather than expressing concern for the partner, controlling behavior shows a deep lack of respect for the partner. It fulfills the need of the abuser to dominate, rather than fulfil the needs of the victim.



QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Did your partner "sweep you off your feet?" Did your partner proclaim his or her love for you before the two of you had spent enough time together to get to know each other? Did your partner pressure you to commit to the relationship before you felt ready to do so? Were you made to feel guilty by your partner if you wanted to slow down your involvement with him? Many abused people dated or knew their abusers for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together.



ISOLATION: Is being with your family and friends "more trouble than it's worth" because of your partner's jealousy? Does he constantly criticize the people who support you or try to undermine your trust in them? Does he try to keep you from going to work or school? An abusive person will try to cut the victim off from all resources, especially friends and family. An abuser knows that the more contact a victim has with others, the more likely she is to defy the abuser or to leave.



BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS: Does your partner blame you for his mistakes? Does your partner feel life is unfair and someone is out to get him? Does your partner find it difficult to take responsibility for his actions? Abusive people do not hold themselves accountable for the abuse they commit, and rarely take responsibility for their actions. After being blamed and criticized for everything she does, the victim will eventually internalize these false messages and begin to believe that she is responsible for ending the abuse that is committed against her.



HYPERSENSITIVITY: Does your partner perceive slight setbacks as personal attacks? Is your partner easily insulted? Does your partner lose his temper frequently and more easily than seems normal? Abusers typically have low self-esteem. Their self-confidence may be so fragile that even constructive criticism is seen as a threat.



CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Does your partner seem insensitive to the pain and suffering of animals? Does he expect children to do things beyond their ability? Does he tease children until they cry? Insensitivity to children or animals is common in abusers because abusive people are generally not considerate of the feelings of others. 60% of men who beat the women they are with also beat their children.



"PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: Does your partner like to throw you down and/or hold you down during sex? Does he want to act out fantasies during sex in which you are helpless? Does he ever try to manipulate you into having sex when you are not in the mood by using sulking or anger? Abusers enjoy having power over their partners, and sex is one way in which they can feel in control. Many abusers find the idea of rape exciting. Rape, like abuse, is about power over another person.



VERBAL ABUSE: Does your partner say things that are cruel and hurtful? Does he degrade you or put you down? Does he tell you that you are stupid, lazy or clumsy? The abuser wants his partner to be dependent on him/her. He will try to undermine his partner's self-confidence by putting her down, making fun of her, demeaning her, embarrassing her in public, and/or calling her names.



RIGID SEX ROLES: Does your partner expect you to serve him? Does he say that you must obey him in all things because you are a woman? Does he/she insist that you stay at home and discourage you from working? Abusers sometimes see women as inferior to men and unable to function as a whole person without a relationship. They accept this reasoning as an excuse to abuse and dominate their partners.



DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: Are you confused by your abuser's "sudden" changes in mood? Is he extremely moody and prone to unexpected explosions of anger? Many women think that their abuser has some special mental problem because one minute he's nice, and the next he's exploding. Moodiness is typical of batterers, and it is related to other characteristics of abusers, such as hypersensitivity.



PAST BATTERING: Has your abuser admitted to hitting women in the past? He may say that they "made him do it." Have you heard from relatives or an ex-spouse/girlfriend that your partner is abusive? Situational circumstances do not make a person an abuser. A batterer is likely to beat any woman he is with if the relationship lasts long enough for the violence to begin.



BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: Does your partner destroy objects you value? Does he beat the table with his fists or throw objects around or near you? The abuser may use this behavior to punish his partner, but it is also intended to frighten the woman into submission. The abuser feels that he has the "right" to punish or frighten his partner.



ANY FORCE OR THREAT OF FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: Does your partner ever physically restrain you from leaving a room, push you or shove you? Does he ever hold you down or hold you against the wall saying something like "You are going to listen to me"? This is not only a form of control, it is an indication that your partner is willing to use force to maintain control over you. In abusive relationships, violence frequently escalates. It may begin with a push or a slap, but it can become much more violent!



THESE ARE NOT DEFINITE SIGNS THAT YOUR PARTNER IS AN ABUSER, ONLY THAT HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME ONE.

I think some Rave members need to go back and read the information in both the FAQ and the VR Manual concering houses and covens. When you join a website, you should familarize yourself with the rules and know that you will have to abide by them. It does not matter if you like them or not. It is perfectly clear that once you reach a level five, you can be inducted without your consent into a house or coven. You cannot decide for yourself until you reach the level of sire. That should not be something that causes confusion or grief for any member on the Rave.



Now nothing is written that you have to love the society system. You do not have to participate in your house or coven. It is up to the master of your society to decide what happens to you if you refuse to do anything. There are other houses or covens you may be traded to that will not tolerate you doing nothing for three days let alone weeks on end. You can be blinded. If that happens to you and you did not follow the rules, you have noone to blame but yourself.



I enjoy the coven I am in. I have met some interesting people and enjoy earning favor. I understand that not everyone will feel that way. Just do not get angry when you find yourself blinded or shuffled from society to society. That is just the nature of the Rave. If it bothers you so much, hurry up and make sire. Then you can either be a free agent or create your own coven that is set up in a way that pleases you.

This journal entry is about something that I have relearned recently. There are those who are stupid and do not know any better. This is not about them. Then you have those who act stupid and know better. These are the ones that you should not humor. They will get on your last nerves. I am beginning to have little patience with these people. Some of them use attention getting stupidity. They want others to notice them and they want others to do everything for them. They do not want to have to extert themselves to achieve anything. That is pure laziness. Some want to use others and use their supposed stupidity to garner sympathy.



IF you do this, please do not message me. I have enough of that in my real life and make attempts to avoid it. If you have real problems and need help, I have no problem with helping out a person with honest problems. IF you are trying to run a game, then there will be a problem.

There is a person who will remain unmentioned on the Rave who is angry and planning on deleting their profile. They sent a message to a mutual friend of ours ( I know the person in real life. They are an online friend only. These two have never meet in real life.) Anyway, this person is blaming me from the start of them not liking the Rave. They are thinking I blessed them out. Well, if they feel they were blessed out this is the reason: They got overly fixated on one of the members in my coven. This particular young girl has changed her profile name to keep this gentleman from bothering her. Apparently, he was in our coven and not happy with the way she handled her duties as assistant coven master and how she treated him. The next thing I know he is trying to drag me into it. Well, before anyone drags me into anything, they may want to make sure they did not do anything that would make me see them in a less than good light. He told these girl she deserved to be raped. ( I have addressed my feelings on that in another journal entry.) I tried to get this gentleman to leave this girl alone and to move on. I told him there are other people on the Rave, he may get along with. He did not have to deal with her. He was in another society at the time. He could have let it go. But no, he wants to keep things going. Is he that unhappy? Is his life that damn boring?



Our mutual friend said he is bipolar. Ok. So am I. That is not an excuse for anyone to misbehave. I am bipolar and I do not go around telling anyone they deserved to be raped. I do not use the fact that I am a survivor of abuse to justify abusing others. Too many people do that already. (Congressman Mark Foley being one of them.) I am tired of people making excuses for their poor behavior or choices. That is something that irked me to no end. You have some control of the stituation. IF you choose to behave in a bad way, it does not matter what happened to you or what illness you have. You did it. Unless you do not know the difference between right and wrong, you need to hold yourself accountable for your actions. Others will.



I tried to smooth things over with this moron. He even messaged me to make sure I told our mutual friend to check their messages. Perhaps, he thinks our friend will blame me for this wonderful person leaving the Rave. Whatever will we do? I am sure the Rave will just fall apart without him. I so much want to tell this indidivual who in the hell do you think you are? You are not Cancer, MRD, Imagesinwords, Fizbop, Yendor, Tammy or anyone else who tries to contribute to this site and monitor what is going on. Maybe he is unable to deal with the fact he is not the top dog. On his profile, he said he does not like George W Bush. Maybe it is because he sees traits of himself in Bush. Bush fixates on world leaders that he thinks are evil and bad. On a much smaller scale , this guy fixated on an assistant coven master who he felt was evil and bad. Now, he has turned it on me. Somebody give this man ( and I use the term loosely ) a frigging clue. He needs to be told he is a persona on the Internet. He is not a part of my real life. Some on the Rave mean alot to me. He is not one of them. I will be nice if and only if I have to deal with him. After that, it is not my problem what he does. If he deletes his account today, five will join to take his place.

I am sure there are those who met the love of their lives on the Internet. My sister met her husband on the Internet. One of my best friends met their spouse on the Internet as well. Not everyone you met on this site or on the rest of the Web is someone you would want around you. If you have children, you may want to be extra careful. If you are a single woman with children, how do you know for sure that the wonderful guy you met is not a child molester? Someone who wants quick involvement with you may be abusive. That is one of the warning signs of a potential abuser. If a man can pack up after meeting you and only knowing you for a few weeks, that should tell you something. Most of the time if something sounds too good to be true, then it is.



I am a single mother and I know that I do not want just anyone around my son. I am protective of him. I am amazed by the number of woman on here that are just wanting to hook up with some man. Learn to love yourself. It is a sign of low self esteem if you have to have a man. Love is a wonderful thing, but there is a difference between love and lust. Love takes time. You cannot be in love with someone you have only talked to on the Internet for three weeks. What do you know about them? Have you spent anytime getting to know them? Have you met anyone else that knows them? Do you know if they have ever been violent? Do you know if they have ever been in prison.?

People can pretend to be anything on the Internet. If they lie on the Internet, chances are they are trying to hide something for less than good motives. Protect yourself. The Rave is a wonderful site, but exercise some common sense and good judgement.