Love-torn polyamorous heart08:20 Mar 18 2010
Times Read: 629
This is ridiculous...who do I go to for help? My heart is torn and I can't seem to see clearly...it's tearing me apart and I can't see which way is up or down...
Okay, I have two mates...and they are both wonderful...but...there's a problem...I can't seem to get them to want to talk to each other...and neither of them wants to share me...I'm fucking polyamorous!!! I am able to love and give my heart to multiple people...in a way...I have to...it's how we're born, not a choice...but you see...one of them is willing to let me be as I am, even though it hurts her to even think of anyone touching me or me touching anyone else...and the other not only doesn't want to share me, but she even wants me to give up being poly...that's like asking me to not be me and she's suppose to still love me?! How the fuck does that make any damn sense?!
I almost cried my own soul out...I can't take feeling like I'm going to lose myself just because I love someone who doesn't love the fact that I can love more than one person...and even worse...I love them both so much...one has been with me for so long, a person told me that that person is my soulmate cause they've been there with me from one lifetime to another for so damn long, but she has a problem sharing me because she's had to always share me and never really had the chance to be my wife in any lifetime, so I know she'd rather have me to herself, but I know she'd let me have a couple girls, as long as she gets her couple girls too...and the other is so sweet and gentle and able to be rough and violent, which I like, but she is so emotional and makes it so hard to be myself without feeling guilty for how I was born...
I am so confused and the best advice I've gotten so far was to speak my truths to them both and let them know, this is who I am, and asking me to do anything else is like asking me to live without my arm and like it. And they are right...but...how can I say that to them without them getting upset or misunderstanding me? This is what scares me most...I don't want to lose either of them...if I did, I'd die inside and probably never recover...
Beind their King AND their Master means that I should have control over them...however, I leave them so much independence from me and so much freedoms, which is what I want to do...but I am seeing the drawbacks now...but...I am very much in love with them both...and if they could just get along for ME...I'd be able to live happily ever after...I want them to get along, even if they don't ALWAYS get along, to at least do so for me...
So, what should I do? Should I tell them both and hope to the Gods that not only will they understand, but also get along after realizing that they aren't competing, but helping each other? Or...should I just...leave the situation as it is and just...risk losing one or both of them and lose my mates?
*sighs and rubs my head*
This is such a pain in the ass.
COMMENTS
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DireConsequences
15:00 Mar 18 2010
I'm sure no one wants to hear from me, but at one point in time we were friends. I hate to see people in pain in general.
The conversation we had so long ago about the poly lifestyle... This is what I've always seen. Jealousy. Competition for attention. Possibly envy in a way or two.
I feel as though if you really want it to work with both of them... then possibly have a conference chat on YIM or something. That way you can say what you need to say, Fawn. Set some rules up that neither are allowed to leave and have to take in what you say.
Yes, it'll hurt everyone. But would the pain be less talking to them than if they lost you or you them?
God, I feel like this isn't my place to say anything... especially with all of the past and me knowing exactly who the two you speak of are. But we were once what I consider friends. I have most of those conversations saved... so I can't just turn my cheek the other way and not say what I think I should.
From what I've seen, both of them are insanely amazing. I hope they never lose themselves. But I also hope you never lose yourself either.
Compromise is the key to any relationship, although some people say it's your relationship, you should be happy and compromising isn't being happy with what you have. -Weird tangent, I know.
But you have to look at it both ways, you feel as though you're being torn... but I know both of them probably do too whether they will openly admit it or not. You guys need to communicate... openly... honestly... and truthfully. That means saying what you have to say because it is who you are and they need to be able to say what they have to say too. It's not fair to any of you for the silence to be there.
I think in order for it to work, they need to give a friendship between them a chance.
... Before I ramble anymore, I'm going to quit typing. I'm sure my advice isn't wanted. I'm sure this comment will come off as whatever it will. I don't know. Later.
LadyRayneofDarklight
02:15 Mar 20 2010
I never truly wanted you to give it up... Every time I think about it... *frowns and shrugs* Honestly kinda makes me sick... But sometimes you just... don't honestly seem to know exactly how much it hurts... So yeah, I freak. I try to hold it in and you tell me you want me to let it out... so I do and it just keeps coming... I would talk and talk and talk and... just... nothing seemed to help... I always know when you hold back even a little bit so I push until you get it all out which you don't do very much...
But whatever. It's all so much better. I feel it... yeah, I'm still scared but for now, the best I can do is block it all out until you're here with me...
jeniferkristynaldamuy
15:22 Dec 15 2011
well sweetie my heart tells me to tell you to go with the one who excepts you for you and the one who is not trying to change you..i think your talented and your great just the way you are dont you dare change sweetie hugs