The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur 's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.





4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.



5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on ahead."



14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.



15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."



16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."



17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.



18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



20. A backward poet writes inverse.



21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.