The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Yes! I went down to the business center here to get online because the cord to my wifi adapter is damaged but all the computers were in use. So, me be the stubborn person I am, I decided to come back and connect my adapter directly to the computer even though I know it won't pick up the signal that I've been using without the length. Sure enough, that signal didn't even show up but you have to remember that I'm stubborn. I tried one of the other signals that I know doesn't work and guess what? It worked. For some reason this same signal didn't work any of the other 20 million times I tried it in the past and now it is. I'm not complainin'.



My boss agreed to let me make up the time I missed the past yesterday and Monday. Tomorrow was going to be a day off for me because they give New Year's Eve off at my job but they needed people to come in because they're behind shedule and I volunteered. On top of that, the bossman said I can come in on a weekend shift too. So I'm going to be working 3 days this week like I would have been if I hadn't had the tire trouble, plus 2 hours that I wouldn't ahve gotten otherwise since the weekend shifts run run 12 hours instead of 10.

Since I wasn't able to go to work today I spent the day reading, watching movies, and playing computer games. Other than that I've only walked up to Kum & Go to buy a Cherry Coke and a $1 scratch off that won $2. Not the most interesting day in the world.



I'm having troubles making a decision. The girl I slept with at the end of last week just contacted me wanting to know if I want to get together again. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to but I'm just not sure the whole booty call thing is me.

I feel the urge to do some writing, though I don't feel comfortable enough here to do it in this place and I'm not sure I'll still be able to when I get home. I think this music is what's giving me the mood and it isn't at home.

I'm thinking about a few different things, they're cluttering up my head and I need to get them out.



I love being in water and swimming. A lot of people don't know that about me, that's because I'm seldom willing to strip down and jump in. If I'm completely honest about it I haven't been comfortable with it since about the 6th grade, I was at the public pool in my home town and someone from my class that happened to be there made a comment about me having man boobs. Ever since then I've been uncomfortable taking off my shirt around people. It's a little pathetic really, about anything else I never care what other people say or think. If I were to be honest with myself I would admit that it's not because of what other people think, it's about what I think. I've never really liked being chubby/fat. I lose the weight all the time but I keep putting it back on right after I do, maybe it's time I got the will to lose and keep off the weight. I think I just found my New Years Resolution. Cliche, I know.



Sometimes I don't let people know enough that I care about them. There are a few out there that have been made aware of it that I'm sure wonder if I'm sincere. Some of them I hardly ever even communicate with. Sometimes I'll go a while without saying much but the fact of the matter is that I do care about these people. Sometimes I just don't have anything I feel worth saying, other times I don't know how to say something. Like with my ex Christina. I love her dearly even though it really isn't the same kind of love as it once was, I still feel a very fierce protectiveness for her. I have several friends out there in a similar position, I rarely say more than one or two words to them but they are still precious to me.



I'm starting to really like VF. It's bringing new bands to my attention that I like and that's always a good thing in my book, I'm listening to some of the music from a band called Leandra and loving it. I'm really loving it, I love music and am always wanting more and new music. I really am addicted to music.

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Lolita
12:52 Dec 29 2009

I think my resolution has had something to do with my weight since I was 12. Get yourself some SpongeBob boardshorts... trust me on this. :D You will ooze awesomeness :D

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placidchaos
13:04 Dec 29 2009

lol Lolita, you are awesome.

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Shit this isn't my week so far. My aunt wasn't able to bring me my spare tire yesterday that I forgot at her place, she's going to bring it by this afternoon though. Unfortunately that means another day of missing work... I'm not happy about that. This is one of those times that having a job that's more flexible would be handy, I could switch shifts with someone instead of missing. Then just to make things worse, I didn't wake up to my alarm clock this morning. I set it so that I could wake up in time to call in to work but instead I woke up an hour late. Nice, that would be bad even if I weren't missing. So of course one more thing had to go wrong. I rushed out of my room as soon as I woke up and grabbed my cell to call them only to find that I don't have enough minutes left on it to make the call... That's just not right. So I rushed to get dressed and walked to the nearest pay phone, once there I got set to call in to work and realized that I forgot their number in my apartment. *sigh* Yeah. This is NOT a good trend. So I walked back, got the number, came back down to the pay phone, and called in. The good news is that the boss didn't sound upset but that doesn't mean anything, he also said we could see about me working a weekend shift to make up for some of the time I lost this week.

Since last week rocked so much it's obvious that this one had to start out sucky. I got up to go to work this morning and what's the first thing I find? I have a flat tire... AGAIN! It's the same tire too! That's just not right. There was too much ice and shit built up on the inside of the wheel well, despite me knocking it off every time I go somewhere (I forgot to do it when I got home last though). So I had to miss work this morning. To add insult to injury, I forgot that I took the spare out while I was cleaning my car a week or two ago and set it in my aunt's garage. So no spare until they're able to bring it to me. *sigh* Hopefully things go better than this for the rest of the week or I'm going to be in serious trouble.

It's been an interesting week.

I got myself a new apartment, then I got a futon for it. I had my first (and probably only) one night stand. Then, as icing on the cake, I figured out how to get my heater and what not to work while my car is running.



That's right, my car heater CAN work. All I have to do is slowly turn it back towards off once the car is running and at a certain point it all starts working. I found this out by accident, pretty much the same way I found out how to make it all work while the car wasn't started. I reached up and started to turn my car off after getting home but then decided to run to the store and stopped turning the key, right as I stopped everything started working... It's freaking awesome. It also explains why there were so many times that the heater would suddenly blast right as I shut the car off.



That awesomeness aside, this coming week is probably going to be a long one. I'm broke until this weekend, I do have a few bucks left but they're spoken for. When I get paid this friday I'm hoping that it will have both days they gave us off for the holiday and not just one. Then on Saturday I go in with my aunt to take out the last of my money from my savings account that we put in her name. I also have to pay the deposit for the power company, I don't know if I'll have any time past this weekend but I'm hoping so since I don't think I'll be able to pay it until Monday (next Monday, not tomorrow). Then I've got a month to save up for my first rent payment and the bills that will follow shortly after. If I put away $170 from my weekly checks that should be no problem.



Well, I'm exhausted right now and I have to be up at 4 a.m. So everyone have a good night.

Ugh, I'm so hungry. I've been holding off eating for one reason or another all day and now it's catching up to me. Time to go cook.

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Lolita
22:33 Dec 27 2009

**places massive ass bib around your neck, and stuffs your face**

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placidchaos
01:17 Dec 28 2009

No worries, I enjoyed some cereal and two grilled meat and cheese sandwiches. That being said, I discovered that I can't grill a sandwich on my sandwich griddle on this stove without burning. They never start to golden brown, they go straight from not cooked to burnt. That's just not fair.

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Hmm. I ran into a girl on VF that I was talking to on POF until I felt that it was going nowhere. I was a little surprised and interested so I messaged her. I was even more surprised when she messaged me back.

My eyes say I need sleep, the rest of me says that I should tell my eyes to go fuck themselves... Which should I listen to?

This just amused the hell out of me, I don't know why. I had to immortalize it anyway:



I ignore bites, and I'm snowed in. - Vespers' Kismet

I'm hesitant about clearing out my favorite journals list. It's growing long because I'm adding to it to make up for the lack of new entries by my truest favorites. Yet, I'm reticent because what I have once enjoyed I may again and if they are not on that list for me to see when they post new things of interest to me I may not read them. What to do?

It's strange, I'm not much of one for sleeping in beds. I never really have been either. I'm much more comfortable sleeping on a couch or on the floor against a wall. When I do sleep in a bed I like it pushed up against the wall and I lay on the side by the wall, usually with my back or my side against the wall. I wonder what it is about that kind of thing that feels so comfortable to me?

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Rosenrot78
03:00 Dec 27 2009

dude! i'm the same way! i'm waaaaay more comfortable on the couch when sleeping. i suppose i'm lucky in that i have a very sturdy husband on whom i can lean at night when in bed :) tho it is near impossible for me to get to sleep in bed when he is over night at work.

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placidchaos
03:05 Dec 27 2009

Really? I've never met anyone else that way, at least not that I've been aware of.



That is one of the risks of getting used to someone else in your bed with you, when they're gone it doesn't feel right and you have trouble sleeping without them.

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...is SUCCESSFULLY cutting a pizza with a dull spatula.

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Lolita
05:29 Dec 26 2009

Well aren't you a talented little guy :)

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placidchaos
05:32 Dec 26 2009

Ohhhh yeah! *big cheesy wink* lol

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I just ran down to my car to grab a couple things out of it and found that I'm snowed in. I wasn't really going to do much driving today just because my poor car has had too hard of a work out recently and with this weather it's running a little too rough. When I got down there I found I'm not going anywhere, I'm snowed in. If I had a shovel I wouldn't be but I don't so I am.

I'm lying here very contently on my brand new and just put together futon while watching Big O. It's the little pleasures.

So I met this girl last night and we came back to my place. We got here around 3 and spent the next 2 hours fooling around. For about the last half hour of it I felt like I was about to cum but I never did. I was right at the point of it but I never quite made it. I don't know why. She was hot, young (21), and was good. I felt like there was something I needed to push me over that edge that wasn't happening but I just don't know what. After we stopped I felt good and relaxed but unsatisfied. So after I took her home I came back and immediately started masturbating, it didn't take me more than 4 strokes and I had the most intense orgasm I've ever had.



I just don't get it. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me or what I'm needing that I don't know about. It doesn't make any sense. I can't get off having marathon sex but I can masturbating and the sex felt way better. What's up with that?

I'm feeling cranky and tired, I haven't slept yet. I think I'll go to bed for a couple hours.

... is being able to just sit around naked in your own place. That's right, I said naked.

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SinginGhost88
05:22 Dec 24 2009

lmfao why do i see a huge smirk on your face when i read this?!?!?

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placidchaos
06:07 Dec 24 2009

Heh heh, Because few know me as well as you do m'dear.

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Rosenrot78
03:03 Dec 27 2009

you said it! what's not awesome about sitting on the sofa watching movies/playing video games nekkid?? (in fact my husband is doing that right now. yes. for realsies)

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placidchaos
03:08 Dec 27 2009

lol, There isn't much better than that but I could think of one or two things.... *mind wanders* Ahem, sorry abou that.

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I'm getting ready to shift stuff, including my computer, over to my new place. They don't have wifi set up there so there's a chance I won't be on much in the near future, I'm going to make sure that there isn't some other open wifi source available for me to make us of but if not I'll be using the computers in the 'club house' to get on from time to time.

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Lolita
22:49 Dec 23 2009

I so feel your pain Placid..

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placidchaos
03:31 Dec 24 2009

lol, I bet. Luckily there's a signal just strong enough for me to use but it cuts out every now and then. So I'll still get to be on a bit.

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Hmm. I'm starting to get curious. I keep seeing the number 11011 in different places and it's been a lot over the past couple of weeks. I saw it at work, driving down the road, walking through a parking lot, browsing a store, etc... Now I just saw it in Lolita's journal as:

1

1

0

1

1

I should ask my grandmother about it, she would know if it's siginificant or not.



On an unrelated note:

Just a little over an hour and the apartment will be wholly mine! I'm so excited! I'm going in between 8:30 and 9 to sign the lease and pick up the keys. I originally scheduled to do that at 3:45 this afternoon but at the time I didn't realize this is a day off for me. Hooray for the 5 day weekend!

I'm trying to get through to the money center at the Wal-Mart I go to to ask a couple questions... It's so not working, they must be freaking busy.

Today has been a pretty good day. I put down the deposit on the apartment, I'll go in on Wednesday to pick up the keys and sign the lease. On my way back from paying the deposit I called Jasmine and I have a second date with her on Tuesday at Buffalo Wild Wings, I'm looking forward to that. It's been a good day indeed.



I have to call tomorrow to find out what my address is and to get a promo code from them that will get my first 3 months with the utility company for half price. Afterward I'll call to let the electric company know to switch it to my name, thankfully that's the only utility I have to pay and I'm told the average there is $25-35. Then I'll go file a change of address. Over the next week or two I'll work on getting all of my stuff over to my new place and I'll stock up and some things. I don't have a whole lot to transfer other than my bed and my computer but if I have enough I'm going to get a couch too. I'm really looking forward to this.

I think I found a place. The rent is $556 a month and I can afford that. Plus, if I move in before the end of the month I only have to pay the deposit and won't owe anything else until February! The place is nice, big, they allow their tenants to paint, and they have a 3rd floor unit with a balcony. The down side is that since I have virtually no credit information I have to pay an extra $400 deposit, that still only brings the deposit up to $600. I like it, I can do $600 and especially so if I don't have to pay rent until February. I'm planning to take it but I need to talk to my aunt to let her know what's up.

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Nightgame
23:22 Dec 19 2009

Sounds like a nice place, good luck.

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This one was actually a little fun to do and a bit of a challenge to figure some of them out so I'll post it here.



Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 (or more) people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think!



Pick your Artist:

Lacuna Coil



Are you a male or female: When A Dead Man Walks.



Describe yourself: The Secret



How do you feel: I Like It



Describe where you currently live: Tight Rope



If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Soul Into Hades



Your favorite form of transportation: Hyperfast



Your best friend is: Aeon



You and your best friends are: Stars



What's the weather like: Cold



Favorite time of day: Enjoy the Silence



If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Halflife



What is life to you: Not Enough



Your last relationship: The Game



Your fear: I'm Not Afraid



What is the best advice you have to give: Survive



Thought for the Day: Wide Awake



How I would like to die: Falling



My soul's present condition: Unchained



My motto: To The Edge

Tonight was really great! I had a great time hangin' out with Jasmine. For some reason the show didn't start until almost 1 hour after the listing said it should so we actually got to talk quite a bit and she's fun to talk to. When I dropped her off I asked if I could call her and she replied, "You have my number and my email" so I'm taking that as a good sign. Interesting girl, awesome show... I'd say it was a great date.



That being said, my inner Hellian is corrupting my inner Good Guy. During our conversation it came up that she has a boyfriend. Normally that would make me back off but my inner Hellian growled possesively, an odd response from any part of me under the circumstances. My inner Good Guy made a point to tell him that we shouldn't mess with somebody's girlfriend. That got the response of "Well if he can't keep her it's his fault." My inner Good Guy came back with a somewhat evil laugh and "Yeah, I guess you're right." Uh, should I be worried? Not that it matters because too much of me doesn't care if I should be worried or not.

Awesome! I'm picking her up between 7-7:30 to go to the Screaming For Silence concert. Hopefully this will go better than the last concert date I had. The girl is cute and new to the area like me, just moved here a couple months ago from New Mexico. She's only 18 so I'm a little worried about that but we'll see how it goes. She's going to school at the same college I'm planning to go to this spring, not how I met her but small world none the less. This should be a fun evening.

Wow. What an unusualy interesting day I'm having today. To start with I went and took the tests I needed to take in order to be able to enroll in classes and actually did better on it this time than I did last time, odd since I haven't used some of it anymore than I did the time before. So I'm good on everything and can start applying for financial aid and when January 20th rolls around I can register!



After that I did something bad/good. I'm a little ashamed of myself so I won't go into detail. Long story short: I kept a roof over somebody's head and I have a date tonight. I started out doing something bad and ended up doing something good and got something to look forward to tonight.

Awesome. I got a bonus from work today. It's only $50 but that's still nice. I can't decide what to do with this unexpected extra.

I'm so tired right now. I really didn't sleep at all last night and today was long, so I think it's time for me to go to bed. I have messages that I haven't been able to reply to yet, if you're one of them I'm not ignoring you. I promise to take some time to read them tomorrow after work.

Ugh, I didn't sleep at all last night. So naturally I'm still exhausted and feel like shit... Off to work.

It's the end of my day and time for me to go to bed. My bag of go fuck yourself isn't as low today as it has been recently, it's still low though. It usually maintains a state of depletion around this time of year.



Warning: This entry may be offensive to some beyond this point!

I'm so tired of christmas, xmas, and 'the holidays' it's not even funny. If I were to really ask for something for it I would ask that from now on people stop waving this damn holiday in my face, stop being hypocrits just for this one day, stop lying to themselves to justify all the shit they do for it, and actually be real. I'm just so tired of the bullshit. Christians need to stop making a big deal about people calling it xmas instead of christmas because, guess what?! Christ has never had anything to do with the holiday and you are actually guilty of sin for celebrating it according to the teachings you claim to hold to. I'm tired of hearing it. This year I even tried to at least go through the motions out of respect for those in my life to whom it is a big deal, I'm at my limit for that and have been nothing but annoyed with myself for doing so in the first place. I hate having to play along like that and doing so is digusting to me. I'll be polite and respectful as long as nobody waves anything in front of me. I'm going to stop here, I need to go to bed.

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Lolita
04:27 Dec 15 2009

Have a good sleep... yeah I am at the point my little myself.. Hypocrisy seems to be in full swing this time of year. Merry Christmas, I mean BAH HUM BUG ;)

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Lolita
04:28 Dec 15 2009

**a little myself** :D

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placidchaos
10:05 Dec 15 2009

lol, Cute.

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Feeling drained at the moment. I have an appointment to meed with an admissions advisor or councellor or whatever you call them tomorrow at 4 after work. Part of me is nervous that this is going to go the same way it's gone every other time I've attempted to get my education in gear, which is wrong. The rest of me is excited and hopeful. We'll see how it goes.



Later this week I'm going to call to check out an apartment I saw listed. It has hardwood floors, low rent with a special on the first month, and some utilities paid. It seems to be in a decent location too but I won't know for sure until I go by it, which I'm going to do before I call to look at it. If I like it I may be getting myself a new place for New Years. That would be awesome. I REALLY need to have my own place again, to be on my own again. Plus I'll have a reason to invite people over then, housewarming partay! Heh heh We'll see.

So it's been decided. I'm going to go talk to someone in admissions at Metro. tomorrow after work (or at least set up an appointment with them) to see about getting enrolled. I know I need to take a refresher course in algebra before I do anything else, you use it or lose it and I haven't used it. Sad really since I was always really good at it. Anyway, I figure that's a place to start. (Deja vu anyone? Didn't I do this almost exactly 2 years ago with DMACC before moving?) I'm tired of only wanting and not doing. I'm tired of my life going in circles. More than either of those, I'm tired of knowing what I'm capable of and looking at myself and being ashamed that where I am and where I could be are so vastly different.

Blah. I need better work hours, I'm just hitting the peak of my swing as it gets time for me to be going to sleep. There's something seriously wrong with that. I could keep these hours til the day I die and my body and mind would both probably defy me the whole way. I think it's time I mass-resume places that have positions with hours I can get into.

I feel the need to write creatively but I seem to be suffering from a block. DAMN IT!

My room smells very herby... Very relaxed right now.

I've been observing myself lately on what kind of women I'm attracted to. You might think that it should be obvious but you'd be surprised at what might attract you to a woman that you haven't noticed. I've found that I'm mostly attracted to women my age to 2 years younger than me and I'm mostly attracted to Gemini and Sagittarius women. Those two were the ones that surprised me the most, the rest of what I noticed were things that I more or less already knew.

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Lolita
21:03 Dec 12 2009

That's interesting Placid... I kind of have a type I go for as well.. THE WRONG TYPE LOL

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placidchaos
23:06 Dec 12 2009

Heh heh, I know exactly what you mean. Which is why I'm going to start considering these things when I start getting interested in a woman, don't want to keep repeating my mistakes.

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My paycheck ended up getting here last night, they paid me for one of the two days they shorted me on my last paycheck but they STILL shorted me a day! Gah! I'm going to have to call them about this AGAIN on Monday to get it sorted out!

You ever had a song come on and the sound of it feels so good that it makes you close your eyes for a moment and sends a shiver through you? It's awesome.

Damn, that was a close one! I got into my car and turned on the radio and caught the tail end of the new Breaking Benjamin single. This is all well and good except that it gave me a spark and I can't very well write it down while I'm driving, then to top it off I didn't even have my notepad or a pen with me... Didn't I learn this lesson already? So as soon as I got to Wal-Mart I ran to the nearest associate and asked to borrow a pen and paper to jot it down. I'll get it posted a.s.a.p.

So what are my plans for today? Well, I need to straighten my room for one thing. I'm debating going down to the new age supply store to pick up a couple things. I've already cleared a good swath of ice from the drive way. Other than that I don't know, I'm in the mood to shoot some pool though.

Wow... Green eyes, black hair, tattoos, piercings... *drools* Ahem, sorry 'bout that. *wipes aways drool* Moving on now.

I feel the music wash over me and it is as soothing as aloe on a sunburn, it's unbelievable how good it feels.



I Have a Need by Black Light Burns is so fitting for my mood right now.

slkdghsdlhgasfdha;skfdha;sdhf;kashdf



Jumbled nonsense, just how my head feels right now.

Today has been such a lazy day for me. I would write more but right now I just don't have the focus, maybe I should start taking St. John's Wort again.

What fun... I just spent the last hour shoveling the driveway, all I managed to clear was a walk path to the cars and a run way out to the street. So maybe about half of the drive is clear. At least I can crawl back under my covers and warm up now. They canceled work for today because of the weather and the roads being crappy, so I'm getting paid to sit on my ass today.

I am now the happy owner of a queen size bed! Considering that in the past I haven't cared one way or the other whether or not I even had a bed to sleep on, I find it odd how much pleasant satisfaction I get from owning my own bed. Oh well, who cares? Yay bed!

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SinginGhost88
01:06 Dec 08 2009

lol YAY BED!

I slept on the floor for 6 months, and when my new bed finally arrived it was the weirdest sleep ever. Now the animals sleep on it, we chill on it, Having a bed is one of the best things in life!!!! :P



Except maybe snow on Christmas!

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crowgirl
01:12 Dec 08 2009

Wooooooh! I know how you feel. I only have a single bed, but it's a FOUR POSTER! I have the curtains and everything :) I'm a princess!!! ;)

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Lolita
01:19 Dec 08 2009

good for you Placid! ^^

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placidchaos
02:51 Dec 08 2009

That's the odd part, I'm actually really comfortable sleeping on the floor.



I've always thought it would be cool to have one of those, a manly style for me though of course.



Heh, Thank you much! Now I'm off to give it a test run, g'night y'all.

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Ugh. My mind is spinning (what's new?). Right now it's going round and round with a mixture of hope, anticipation, nervousness, desire, and dread. The next couple months will be interesting but I'm just going to take it a day at a time.

Time remaining: 1:47:36



3 hours later



Time remaining: 01:01:42



Half an hour later



Time remaining: 01:10:30



5 minutes later: Download complete!

Yay, my room is my own finally. I got my computer set up on the desk and I started organizing all my crap. The only sad part is that if things go the way I'm hoping they will that I won't be here longer than a month or two more.

I just fell in love with the band Arcturus, Mom was so wrong when she told me I shouldn't talk to strangers! Not to mention, who's stranger than me anyway?

Today wasn't bad and it went fairly quickly. I realized something too. I don't dislike my job, I don't really care for the shift but the job isn't the problem. The problem is the one woman I work with, being around her is so draining for me because she gets on my nerves and just generally pisses me off and gets in my way. Because of that I have to exert that much more mental energy throughout my day to keep focused and restrain myself from losing my cool.



Today I finally accepted my coworker's invitation to go over and have a drink with them. I didn't have any alcahol but just sitting, relaxing, and talking was nice. I actually had a good time.

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SinginGhost88
05:25 Dec 04 2009

I've started hating my job because the owner has started acting like a crazy woman and started imposing all of these rules that dont make sense. You should let loose more often.

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placidchaos
04:42 Dec 05 2009

I used to but it wasn't pretty, plus it's addictive.

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I'm really wishing I could go back to bed, just skip work today. It's not going to happen though.

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SinginGhost88
14:20 Dec 03 2009

I did that on Monday, and called in lat on Tuesday :) It's one of those weeks. Grant had to wake me up every 5 mins after my alarm went off this morning... if it weren't for having no hot water and having a cold shower... I prolly would still feel really sleep and exhausted. Poor you, take a day off!!

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placidchaos
23:36 Dec 03 2009

If only, I can't really afford to do that though. 'Sides, the only reason this week sucked so bad was because I was coming off a 5 day weekend. Plus this Thursday is the last day of my work week anyway.

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The rare moments of stillness and peace are cruel. They are like tylenol to a migraine. once it wears off the pain seems all the worse for the reprieve.

*sigh* Off to work then.

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xxEmaeraldxx
16:49 Dec 01 2009

Ouch! that sounds like it hurts!

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placidchaos
03:41 Dec 02 2009

Heh, In a manner of speaking.

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