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118 entries this month
15:52 Jan 31 2010
Times Read: 739
I ended up hanging out with Jen last night, it sucked. I was bored the whole time and we really aren't all that compatible. Bah. Oh well. I stopped at Wal-Mart on my way home to get some food, on the way out the door I stopped to play one of the claw machines. I actually got a really cool looking watch from it on my first try, it was even what I was aiming at. I've been needing a new watch and now I have one, I got it for 50 cents. You can't beat that.
01:01 Jan 31 2010
Times Read: 730
I'm so bored at the moment, extremely horny too. I've been talking to Jen on the phone and the majority of the conversation has centered on sex. I've been trying to talk her into meeting up so we can hang out and get to know each other better but she's on the fence. I'm waiting to hear back from her right now.
19:10 Jan 30 2010
Times Read: 733
I'm feelin' good right now. I went and filed my tax return and found out I'm getting almost $1,000 back, about $5 short of that and then I still have to minus the fees for filing. It's still a nice chunk of change all things considered. So with that good news under my belt I went to Subway and indulged a little, the sandwich was so good. I always get the same thing there, the type of bread is the only thing that changes: turkey, pepperoni, bacon, mozzerella, and provolone with vinegar (technically vinegrette but they call it vinegar) and oil. So now I'm sitting here feeling satisfied and relaxed. Here soon I'm going to get around to doing things around my place that I've been putting off, they need done and I'm going to do them.
You want to listen to a great small playlist? You know you do, there's a few songs that I've found just go together in a playlist and it's awesome: 24 by Jem, The Poet and The Pendulum by Nightwish, Eva by Nightwish, Down With the Sickness by Disturbed, and Foxy Foxy by Rob Zombie. I'm thinking of adding Perfect Insanity by Disturbed to that list but I haven't decided yet.
16:47 Jan 30 2010
Times Read: 734
As I was waking up this morning Foxy Foxy was playing in my head, now it's stuck there. It's a good song at least.
16:38 Jan 30 2010
Times Read: 736
Last night was interesting. I was talking to Jen on the phone again. She is an extremely sexual person, I'm thinking that might be an understatement. We were talking around 9 while she was driving to a friend's place for a girl's night kind of thing and she had to go when she got there but we decided to talk again when she left there. I didn't mind at all, normally on Friday nights I stay up at least long enough to listen to Subterranean that starts at midnight. I was really tired though so I went to bed and set my alarm for 12 so I could take a couple hour nap. I woke up at 2 when she called me, my alarm clock had been shut off in my sleep. I was a little annoyed with myself but oh well. WE spent about 2.5 hours talking after that. It was nice. We're supposed to talk again tonight and I'm going to see if I can talk her into hanging out.
00:48 Jan 30 2010
Times Read: 738
Wow... Holy crap. The second I swallowed a bit of my food my stomach let out an unbelievable growl. It literally sounded like some big, ferocious beast was growling in my face.
23:35 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 739
*sigh* Yes, my paycheck is cashed. I have one more coming next week from them and that's it there. I need to look up where the nearest H&R Block is so I can file a return. While I was out cashing my check I stopped and picked up 2 applications. The Pizza Hut up the road is hiring and I have experience making pizza, I also enjoy it. So I'm going to apply there, plus I love pizza and you get an employee discount! ;p heh heh
21:54 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 741
I'm getting ready to go cash my paycheck. I'm also going to see about filing my taxes.
There's a Pamida not too far from here that I'm going to go apply at, it's actually closer than Gamco was. I worked for a Pamida down in southern IA for a year from 04-05 right up until I moved to Waukee. I have a golden record with them so I might be lucky enough to get a good job, I haven't truly liked any job I've had since I worked at that Pamida.
We are awesome incanate. Don't question this, it's a fact of nature. ;)17:58 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 749
Read this from the bottom up:
Great! unleash the awesome!!!!
On 17:55:12 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
lol, I'm so publishing this in my journal.
On 17:49:04 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
yes!!!!!
We should have a tv series!!!!!!!!!! SO cool!!!!!!!!
On 17:48:15 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Yes! This is the idea! And when we have inpired world peace with awesome, then perhaps our full awesomenss could be shown without world destruction!
On 17:44:15 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
OMG! we should be superheroes!!!!!!! With costumes!!!!!!
On 17:43:29 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
*sigh* Sad but true. So we must be responsible wielders of awesomeness and not expose the world to such a danger. heh heh heh
On 17:42:03 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
hahahahaha!!! The world would implode from awesomeness!
On 17:40:02 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
And roll!
Sometimes I think it would be good to put this kind of awesomeness on the air or something, then I realize that the world probably couldn't handly the pure awesomeness of us. lol
On 17:32:49 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
:D We rock ;)
On 17:31:36 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Oh yeah, totally. ;)
On 17:30:09 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
Yeah, but AWESOME dorks. :D
On 17:27:54 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Dang! I'm out of options then.
lol, We're dorks.
On 17:25:18 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
Ooooh, ok! *THWAK*
Ok, OUCH!. Yeah, I don't think that's going to work somehow.
On 17:23:28 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
I'll hide you, just hop through the computer!
On 17:20:30 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
Nooooo!!!!!! They scare meeeeee!!!!
On 17:19:02 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
lol, Don't worry, the people in the white jackets will be there soon.
On 17:14:57 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
bwahahahaha! 0.o
*ahem* anyway..........
On 17:13:50 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
You wicked vixen. heh heh
On 17:10:44 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
Heh yep. My *glamour*. Like a vampire on true bood hahahaha.
On 17:09:28 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Ahhh, that's no good. Have pity on him though, he is caught in your spell after all. ;)
On 17:08:27 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
Heh. He doesn't know what *No* means. Bless him.
On 17:01:14 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Ha ha ha, I don't blame him. Go you.
On 16:59:18 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
This old friend from school just found out I'm single, and has been coming onto me for the past half hour. Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!
I haz da powah!
On 16:53:05 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Not much, definitely not what I should be doing. lol
You?
On 16:36:32 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) crowgirl wrote:
Whatcha doooooooin? :)
15:44 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 753
I heard from the temp agency again a moment ago. I'm not happy with what I heard. I was right that the company they had me working for is doing cutbacks but the next part is what I'm not happy about. Apparently the reason I'm one of the first to get cut is because my work was 'sub-par' and that's bullshit. I'll admit that I wasn't doing as well as I would have liked but considering how much harder I was working compared to most of the other people there I was above par. I'm not saying it's not my fault, I probably should have done something different but I don't really know what. Also, I have to wonder if they ever stopped to pay attention to the whole situation. Working with some of those people makes it impossible to work at my best. Just look at the one day that it was only Jake and myself on the batch, we got as much done in the last 4 hours of the day as the four of us that are usually on it do in the first 6 or 7 hours of the day. Plus, when I was on the collator with just the one woman I kicked major ass there. I wasn't just keeping up, I was getting so far ahead that the next shift didn't even have to do any prep work. Sub-par? That's just plain shit. They only JUST started training me on one of the other machines finally but the people they had training me weren't actually bothering to do a proper job of it. If I ever run into my boss from there I will hurt him, badly.
*sigh* Maybe it's time I stop thinking about disability and just do it. This has only gone to prove just how much trouble I'm having. I think I'm pretty much reaching my limit period. Normally when I start having trouble in one place I can go to another and start over, eventually I reach that point though and need to do it again. The time span between the start and the limit seems to be getting shorter each time. How long until I'm simply incapable of dealing with it. At the hotel it wasn't that big of a deal because I was pretty much by myself the whole time. Now though? Around here I doubt I'll be able to get a situation quite like that.
03:24 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 759
I got off the comp for a bit a little while ago to go on a walk. I was talking to this girl named Jen and didn't want to sit in the business center doing it. Yeah, another girl. It's a little funny actually. Even I'm wondering how I keep meeting them AND getting their numbers. I've said it a couple times recently and I'll say it agian, something about me has changed within the last couple months (not talking about the snap today). I don't know what exactly, it happened a week or two before I signed the lease on this place. We were talking and somehow the subject of me having trouble sleeping came up. Her suggestion? She said I should masturbate right before I go to sleep. I almost choked, that's not usually something you say to someone you just met. That's awesome though.
Anyway, back to the walk
I went out for the walk, I kept walking even after I got off the phone. It wasn't a long walk but I enjoyed it. I was enjoyin' my tunes and... dancing. At first I didn't even realize it but when I did I just went with it. It felt good. Not too long after that suddenly I realized there was a car stopped up next to me and some girl was leaning out the window and waving to get my attention. So I took out my earphones to see what they wanted only to get invited to go dancing with them. I politely declined and explained that I only dance when nobody can see me, or when I can pretend the world doesn't exist while I'm doing it.
03:15 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 760
Oddly, being in this good mood doesn't make me any more patient, less actually. I can't be bothered to rearrange it so read from the bottom:
that was not rude that was for from rude and actully i told you couse you have not rated me so i didnt know if you looked yet so i told you so you would return the fovor
On 02:35:12 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
I wasn't being rude, I was just replying, but I can be if you want. Like this:
What was I supposed to do? Jump up and down going "Goody goody! I've been rated!"? What do you expect when you message someone to tell them you rated them? Especially since it's not hard for me to see that I've been rated when I go look. I responded with the only thing that came to mind. Maybe I should have pointed out your insecurity in needing to make sure I knew you'd rated so that I can pay attention to you in return?
There, I was rude. Happy?
On 02:30:54 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) woulfhound wrote:
i never did any thang to you you dont have to be rude
On 02:27:55 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) placidchaos wrote:
Kudos. Though, VR disagrees with you.
On 02:26:20 Jan 29 2010 (-0 GMT) woulfhound wrote:
i rated you
02:08 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 761
So very few people have ever seen all of me, in the sense of my personality. Actually, I wonder if anyone ever has? I don't honestly know if anyone's ever been around me quite enough, maybe my friend Chris from back in the day. I don't know.
01:50 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 762
I've discovered that 24 by Jem is like a drug for me. At least when I'm in a good mood, it adds a little something too it. Not sure what that's about.
01:23 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 763
I feel like there's this fire burning inside of me that has been absent too long. I feel so good. I feel it throughout my body. It flows with my blood, like pure energy running through me. It feels so good, like life itself is in my veins. It's infecting my mood. I should be upset and feel like shit but I don't. I can't. It just feels too good. Ha ha ha Maybe I've finally snapped? If that's the case, maybe it's a good thing. I've felt like this before, I remember feeling it but it seems so vague and forgotten. Feeling it again creates an odd backwash of emotions, the lead among them something akin to "FINALLY!" I don't know what this is but who cares? I can't stop smiling but not because of anyone or anything other than feeling good, so good. I need to go walk, I need to. I need to be out in the evening. To feel more of this, to feel more alive. I've missed it so much.
01:12 Jan 29 2010
Times Read: 765
Ha ha. My stupid computer's acting up. It SAYS it's getting 24 Mbps but it doesn't want to load anything, it takes a few minutes just to load a page here on VR and it won't load my yahoo mail at all. So I'm on a computer at the business center at the moment, I came down here to answer an email that made it through right before it started acting up but I didn't get to open. The night is good, it feels good out right now. I'm not referring to the weather, though that isn't bad, it just feels.... Yeah. If you don't get it you don't get it, I think there are a few on here that will though. The night is where I live.
22:03 Jan 28 2010
Times Read: 766
Went to Wal-mart to apply but their application kiosks are fucking up, so I'm going to have to do it online. I can't do it on this computer, I don't have a good enough connection and I'm still not 100% sure I don't have a virus. So I'm going to go down to the business center here and do it before bed. I'm actually going to do Wal-Mart, Hy-Vee, Kum&Go, and Anderson Food Shops tonight before I go to bed since they're all online. In less than an hour I dropped my resume off at 4 different hotels. I'm on file with 2 Comfort Inns and 2 Holiday Inn Expresses, one of the Comfort Inn hotels is hiring for a 3-11 person for Monday-Thursday and I have experience. They seemed interested when I dropped off my resume but we'll see, keep your fingers crossed for me. Tomorrow I'm going to do a bit of canvassing. I'm going to get up early and go apply at the grocery store up the road, maybe hit some of the fast food places (a paycheck is a paycheck). Then in the afternoon I'm going to go hit a couple more places with my resume, there are still a bunch of hotels I haven't applied at yet. Things will be ok, I will make this work. I was wanting to get a different job anyway, I was miserable there but I didn't really have enough motivation to do it and now I do. Problem solved right? ;)
Who am I and what have I done with myself? I never used to be THIS optimistic. lol For some reason after the frustration of finding myself jobless dissipated I started feeling really good, relieved actually, but I don't really know why. I should be stressed out about not being employed but I find it oddly amusing, I have no clue what's going through my head. Maybe I know something I don't? heh heh heh
19:54 Jan 28 2010
Times Read: 775
I knew in my gut that calling in today was a bad idea but I ignored it. Now they've decided they don't want me back. I'm annoyed, not at them but at myself. Well, I am annoyed at them. There are people there that miss way more than I have. One woman there doesn't ever even work through the whole week, she misses at least one day each week. On top of that, I've been working circles around people there. Yet I get the boot. It's not really fair but whatever. I guess this just kicked my need to apply for a job into over drive. I'm on my way up to Wal-Mart right now to apply for a job, there's also a hotel that's hiring for the front desk that I'm going to apply at this weekend.
10:42 Jan 28 2010
Times Read: 777
Yes! Playing hooky today! 4 day weekend for me! I told them I have a migraine, which isn't a lie since I do have one but migraines really don't take me out the way they do most people. They don't know that though and I figured that was better than saying, "I feel physically and mentally worn out, so I'm skipping today."
10:11 Jan 28 2010
Times Read: 783
I just woke up. I feel like shit. I'm exhausted among other things. I think I did something to my ankle because it seems to be a little weak this morning, the way I was going yesterday might have done it though. I was working my ass off, I think I went a little too far with it though. I don't know. I was sort of dancing while working. I always say that if you can find a rhythm to your work it becomes much more efficient and you can do more. Well I was listening to music that moves me, literally. 24 by Jem, Down With the Sickness by Disturbed, and a few others. I synced the rhythm of my movements while working to the music, it went a little further than that though. After a while my pattern changed a little bit, it fit the music better. After a while I realized that the work I was doing was simply a byproduct of me dancing, it was a little fun. I feel worn out as hell today as payment though.
22:51 Jan 27 2010
Times Read: 786
I'm thinking Amy, the girl I had the date with on friday, might not be interested in a second date. I don't know. I left her a voicemail the other day but she never returned my call. I tried to call her today and got her voicemail again, I left a message and hopefully she'll return this call. If she doesn't I guess I'll have to write it off as another crash and burn, I really would like to see her again though.
01:47 Jan 27 2010
Times Read: 788
Today was not a good day. I'm feeling frustrated, among other things. I had no concentration today. I'm never the best at staying focused, one of the risks of ADHD but today I was utterly horrible. I kept making mistakes at work because of it. Because of this and othe problems I was feeling very cranky all day and still am.
My protective side is going nuts a bit too. There are certain people I wish I could do more for but can't. All I can do is be here.
01:18 Jan 27 2010
Times Read: 790
I'm feeling very... unpleasant at the moment. I'm in one of those 'I hate the world and I want to destroy it' kind of moods, in a passive way. It's a close companion of the 'I want to say fuck the world and pretend nothing exists for a while' mood.
22:06 Jan 25 2010
Times Read: 791
Grrr, I had to call the office here at my complex because my heat isn't working.
10:07 Jan 25 2010
Times Read: 792
Stupid internet. I wasn't able to do anything online all day yesterday. The most speed I was able to get from my connection was 2.0 Mbps, no page would fully load. It was obnoxious.
Vampire on the brain...05:05 Jan 24 2010
Times Read: 813
I got called a vampire by a stranger again tonight. It was while I was out for a walk. Have you ever heard that if you're called something 3 different time by different people that it's true? I've been called that by about a dozen people over the past year. It's funny. This person told me that it was in how I walked and in my eyes, she said it just said 'vampire' as clearly as if I were carrying a cardboard sign saying it.
I have never believed myself to be a vampire but I do crave blood sometimes. Not in an "I'll die of hunger if I don't have it" kind of way. Like I said, I don't have any belief that I am a vampire. It's strange though, the the way I crave it. Like earlier tonight, I watched first Blood and then Underworld and in both my mouth watered at the bloody scenes. Seeing it makes me feel thirsty and when that happens it doesn't matter what I drink. I get that way without those gory scenes too though, not all the time but it does happen. I often fantasize about pushing someone against a wall and biting into their neck or someone letting me bite into their wrist. Just thinking about it right now while I'm typing this is making my mouth water. I don't think that's exactly normal. I could try to claim that it's my own fascination with vampires that's created this psychological desire but I'd be lying, I've always had a fascination with blood. Even when I was a kid I loved tasting my own when I bled and I liked watching someone bleed, I even thought about what it would be like to taste someone else's blood. Where this lifelong fascination comes from I don't know, I believe it's part of what makes me so interested in vampires.
Ok, I'm done rambling and making myself look like a nut job.
04:36 Jan 24 2010
Times Read: 815
This is just messed up. I've been using a wireless signal lately that has a network name of 'default' and I've been getting 11 Mbps with it but my pages haven't been loading worth shit. So I thought I had a virus on my computer because even with 11 Mbps I was getting fairly decent load times. Well the signal just disappeared earlier so I switched to another open one that I haven't been using because the signal isn't as strong, I'm getting 5.5 Mbps and the pages are loading beautifully, at least 5 times as fast as with the other signal if not more. What's up with that?
00:06 Jan 24 2010
Times Read: 817
You know, there's a lot of paranoia and bad rumors floating around about meeting people off the internet. The thing about this is, there are a lot more good experiences than bad ones but they never get reported on in the news like the bad ones. I can't say I blame the news people for this though. Which makes for better headlines, 'Craigslist Serial Killer' or 'Woman Finds True Love on Social Networking Site'? People mock online relationships, friendship or otherwise, because they're 'cyber' and not 'real'. So I ask, what's the difference? You only ever know a person as much as they let you, online or otherwise. What if someone's online friends are more loyal and better friends to a person than those they have in the real world. How is are the people we talk to in the real world any more 'real' than those on the net? Think about it.
I've actually met a few people off the internet, mostly it was a situation where we met and hung out once and never saw each other again but I've had more rewarding experiences meeting people online. The date I went on yesterday was with a girl I met online and it was the most fun I've ever had just hanging out and talking with one person. The best relationship I've had was a strictly online one with a girl I met on here.
17:29 Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 822
Yay for food! I spent almost $36 and I have enough food for both work and home to last through the week and maybe a little more. I got 1 thing of chicken lunch meat, 1 thing of turkey lunch meat, 2 pepperoni pizzas, 4 boxes of hot pockets, 1 package of hot dogs, 1 thing of ketchup, 1 pack of provolone cheese, 1 12 pack of Barq's, 2 bottles of Powerade, 1 thing of General Tso's chicken at the deli, and 1 thing of mozz sticks at the deli. I splurged just a little bit and got the good kind of lunch meat instead of the cheap, insubstantial kind that I usually get. I'm feeling pretty happy at the moment, it's the simple things.
15:14 Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 825
I just woke up a few minutes ago and I feel really rested and good. I also feel extremely hungry. I sometimes wonder if my metabolism isn't slowing down while I sleep like it's supposed to. No matter what or how much I eat the day before I wake up ravenous, the hunger I feel upon waking is actually very painful. Anyway, getting my lazy ass up finally (I slept on the couch which is right next to my computer) and going to get myself some chow.
10:01 Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 834
I did end up having my date tonight. She was just slow at getting back to me because she was helping her father with some tax stuff. It was awesome, I just got in a little bit ago after spending a little over 8 hours with her. We pretty much just sat in my car the whole time talking. We went to the tattoo shop first but they ended up not being able to fit her in right then but she made appointments for later this coming week, we bullshitted with one of the guys for a little while before we left there. It's funny, both the guy and myself recognized one another but we were very vague on it and had no idea where we'd met. After we left there I took her to a casual dining restaurant I really like called Goldberg's, it's very relaxed and comfortable. We never made it in. We sat there in the parking lot for a few hours talking, we kept getting funny looks from people because the windows were really fogged up. When the conversation turned toward food I suggested we go in to see if their kitchen was still open and she turns to me and says, "Hey, wanna redneck it and just go get some Taco Bell?" What else could I say to that but hell yeah? So I drove to Taco Bell and we sat in the parking lot for a little while longer before getting out to go in, only to discover the lobby was closed and so we went through the drive through. We got our food and then I started randomly driving somewhere while we talked some more. After a while we were up near my place and there's another Taco Bell so I decided to be a smart ass and park in their lot to eat our food we got at a different one. She loved this idea. We sat there talking for another few hours before we remembered we had food that we still hadn't eaten. So we started eating and talking and it wasn't until a little while ago that we left there and I took her home, at which point we stood inside the entrance of her apartment building talking for a while longer. Then I came home. I asked her if I could call her and she said, "Hell yeah you can." My ego is a little bloated from that response. This was definitely the best date I've ever been on.
00:29 Jan 23 2010
Times Read: 840
Hmm... Maybe I don't have a date. I don't know. I guess I'll wait to find out.
Would you like some ink with that?23:56 Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 843
So awesome. I have a date, no specific when yet but I have one. That's not the awesome part though. We're going to dinner and to a tattoo shop because she's getting some new ink. How cool is that? Dinner and body modification... Oh yeah.
21:43 Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 846
Sweet deal, I might be going with some cute girl I just met when she goes in to get some new ink. I have to admit that's an awesome idea for a first date.
20:28 Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 848
Freudian Slips while typing are even better than when speaking, much easier for the other person to notice if you don't catch them before sending the message.
19:11 Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 849
I'm sitting here waiting for the mailman to bring my paycheck and I'm so booooored!
As I promised.10:52 Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 858
I've been doing a lot of thinking about relationships lately, probably a little too much. I really don't care for being single and, if I'm being honest with myself, it doesn't suit me very well. I tend to be at my best when I have someone to share affection with. This might go some way in explaining the way I am with my exes. I'm the type that likes to stay close with the women I've dated and I really don't ever stop feeling something for them. I still have feelings for my first girlfriend, when I see her I start thinking about how I'd like to sneek off together to make out like we used to. In all actuality though I've only managed to maintain contact with one of my exes, I have occasional interaction with a few of the others but most of them have faded from my life at this point.
Sometimes, ok a lot, I think I'd like to get back together with her. Not just because I still have those lingering feelings for her but because she is still someone I find very attractive. Then I question that desire because I also want someone I can be with in the real world and we tried bridging that gap once and failed.
My real trouble with relationships is that I have trouble finding women that interest me, sure there are plenty of hot girls out there I'd like to get naked with butI want more than that. Sometimes I think I'm a little too picky though. The problem with thinking that is I don't have a specific set of criteria for what I find attractive. Something I find cute in one woman might be obnoxious to me in another, I don't know why.
Another thing that I think about on this is how I've never really dated my 'ideal' girl as far as outward appearance goes. I've always gone for an attraction to personality over looks but lately I've been thinking that just once I'd like to meet someone that fits my ideal. It's nothing too specific, mostly just some generalities but there are a couple specifics too. I'd like to meet a girl with red hair or dark hair (I don't mean brown, I mean in the range of black), I actually prefer women with average-small breasts (no, I really never have dated a girl that fit that description), I love a girl with really attractive eyes (preferrably green), and fair skin. Those are the more general things. As for the specifics, tatoos and piercings and I like my women my height or shorter. I've dated a girl or two that fit one or two of those but nowhere near all of them. Don't get me wrong, I've always enjoyed my relationships but I really would like the whole package at least once. I'm not holding my breath on that though and I'm definitely not going to pass up a meaningful relationship over it.
00:47 Jan 22 2010
Times Read: 862
I'm really wishing I could feel that feeling again, I'm tired of feeling lonely. I've been feeling tha way for too long, it was this way even during most of my last relationship.
I've been thinking about my most recent ex lately. I've been missing her but I'm not sure it would be a good idea for me to try getting back together with her. As I said above, I was feeling lonely even while we were dating. That was mostly because I didn't feel like she was really in the relationship. I'm not sure how to better explain that. It would be nice to find someone who will fall for me as much as I will for them, you know?
22:27 Jan 21 2010
Times Read: 864
I'm glad to be home. Today mostly sucked. The one girl I work with kept pushing my buttons. The middle of the day kept draggin on and on too.
At my lunch break I closed my eyes just to relax a bit and ended up falling asleep. I'm the type that as long as I wake up feeling rested (which I rarely do anymore) I wake up in a good mood. So for a little bit after break I was feeling really good at least.
02:14 Jan 21 2010
Times Read: 866
I'm feeling very satisfied after having eaten decently for the first time in days, I'm a little thirsty but that's easily curable with a glass of water. Now it's time for me to shower and go to bed. I'm not really in the mood to go to sleep yet but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
23:53 Jan 20 2010
Times Read: 873
I've been going pretty hungry the past few days, only 1 lunch meat sandwhich per day. Needless to say, I'm really hungry. I've been doing that because I've been worried about making rent at the end of the month and I didn't want to spend any more money to be safe. I was going over how much money I have now and how much I need to put away from the next two paychecks, as well as how much I can afford to leave aside for my necessities. I'm a little annoyed right now. I discovered I've got enough money set aside right now in combination with the money I will set aside (one good thing about knowing how much your paycheck will be is that you can predict your budget easier) that I could have been eating decently this week. So I'm going to go order myself a stuffed crust pizza and enjoy it! May whatever powers that will have mercy on anyone or thing that interferes with this mission. *grumbles threateningly under breath*
22:41 Jan 20 2010
Times Read: 874
I'm having a bit of an off day today, not like the other day when I was having trouble telling the difference between reality and fantasy. This is just a cranky/irritable off day. Not that I'm in a bad mood really, just easily irritated.
I'm really wishing I could find that damn book! GRR! I was going to go to apply for financial aid for college this afternoon but I can't find the book I put the papers in that I need to know what I need and with some info I need to fill out the paper work. It's frustrating me and part of me wants to just say fuck it all but the rational bit left in me at the moment is reminding me that I'll be upset with myself later if I do that. So I'm just taking some deep breaths and putting it on hold for a little bit, then I'll look for the book again. If nothing else I can go register for classes tomorrow and when I do I can get the info again, classes won't start until March and I'll have time to find out if I qualify before then. *deep breath... sigh*
10:13 Jan 20 2010
Times Read: 876
I want to go back to bed so bad. I couldn't stay asleep for anything last night, I kept waking up every so often.
02:28 Jan 20 2010
Times Read: 881
My ex Christina, who I still consider a good friend, is such a wicked tease! It's nights like this that I question my decision to move here instead of to Buffalo. You evil minx you! ;)
Decided to shake up my 'Potions' section... again. It's now going to be used for a combination dream diary and tarot journal for my personal readings. I really want to start doing readings on a daily basis. I think when I get up in the mornings before I go to work would be a good time.
Well, I'm off to bed for the night. I'm feeling unusually capable of sleep right now.
22:59 Jan 19 2010
Times Read: 891
I'm feeling so lazy. Here in a bit I have to get up and start doing things though, I need to get one or two things done before I go to bed tonight. Mostly I need to do laundry but I'd also like to get my dishes done.
10:12 Jan 19 2010
Times Read: 895
It's another day. Time to do what needs to be done.
01:38 Jan 19 2010
Times Read: 905
My computer's acting up and being annoying. I'm beginning to think it has a virus... Again! Grrr. I can't wait until I can get a better computer that can run an anti-virus program without losing all ability to do other things.
23:43 Jan 18 2010
Times Read: 913
I need to seriously start limiting my online time in a major way. I'm spending far too much time at it. I need to cut down on my media entertainment other than music. I need to get more done around the house. Plus, I keep foregoing more rewarding ways to have fun in favor of instant gratification. It's all because the more rewarding ways take longer than I'm usually willing to spend but they don't offer the same fullfillment or even sense of accomplisment and that's what I really need. I need to be physically active. I also need to cut down so that I'm less likely to procrastinate fixing my car come spring.
22:12 Jan 18 2010
Times Read: 915
I was so disconnected this morning, I was having serious trouble with my boundaries between fantasy and reality. It isn't anything new for me but it's been a while since it was like this. At one point what was going on in my head so closely mimicked what I was doing in reality that it caused me to mess up. In real life I was reacing for a box to slide down the rollers and then put on the pallet, in my head I was reaching for a stick or something (can't remember what exactly) and it was in a different spot relative to me than the box was. My hand reached to where the thing I was reaching for in my head was and as a result I grabbed air and tried to shove it down the line, needless to say the lack of reaction to my action snapped me out of it. The start it gave me was about the same as being shaken awake when you're sleeping in bed.
10:16 Jan 18 2010
Times Read: 925
Ugh. Time to get ready for work. At least I'm not feeling quite as sleep deprived today as I have been lately. Though for some reason my stomach and what not are being extremely noisy. Anyway, time to go. Later.
10:11 Jan 18 2010
Times Read: 926
Last night was annoying. My computer wouldn't load a page to save its life. No idea why though. It wasn't getting any less speed than it is now. Who knows.
It's odd, I have 8 people on my friends list but I'm on 34. Yesterday I was on 35. I have no idea who most of them are even, I also have no idea who removed me. Yet for some reason I was mildly disappoointed to see I was on one less. Not because I want to be on the friend list of someone I don't talk to or know but because I'm wondering if it was someone who's friend list I wanted to be on. I can be so lame sometimes.
15:15 Jan 17 2010
Times Read: 929
Why is it that the women I find most attractive are either too far away, too young, or just plain unavailable?
15:00 Jan 17 2010
Times Read: 930
I don't know what the deal was last night. My computer said it was getting good speed on the net but it wouldn't completely load any pages. I sat for about an hour or so trying to check my emails and messages here but I couldn't get things to load enough to do so. It was annoying as all hell.
01:21 Jan 17 2010
Times Read: 937
Freakin' A man! Apparently all the stores no longer carry the USB extention I need. It's bull shit! Grrr! So I'm stuck with crappy wireless signal strenth until I have more money and can buy a new adapter or my own internet. Dang it.
There are far too many idiot drivers out all the time. I want to run them off the road so badly. I think these lines from I Hate My Life by Theory Of A Deadman fit me pretty well:
I hate all of the people who can't drive their cars
Bitch you better get outta the way
Before I start falling apart
20:38 Jan 16 2010
Times Read: 939
Grrrrr. I just ate at about 3 hours ago and I feel like I haven't eaten all day. I'm thirsty too. I really wish I had some Barq's right now. *sigh* I might have to go to Wally World.
15:46 Jan 16 2010
Times Read: 946
I was thinking about it and I'm a little weird about my name. Part of it is because growing up there was a lot of emphasis put on names and nicknames. Take my Grandpa Pete for example, we all called him Pop but that was a special nickname for a certain circle of people and people outside that circle called him that at their own risk (literally, one woman did it not realizing and almost got jumped by a couple of the people there but at the time I didn't understand it). Growing up I had a few different nicknames. The first one I remember was Boo Boo Bear, I cried a lot when I was little and my mother said that when I got upset I reminded her of a bear. After a while that got shortened to just Bear, since that point there's only been one person I let call me the whole thing and that's my 'Aunt' Jenny. For quite some time after that I was Bear to my family and even to some of my friends. In school only my really close friends ever called me by my first name but even they tended to shorten it or call me by a nickname, for most of them my nickname was Shadow simply because they said I knew things only a person's shadow could. For everyone else I went by my last name, even the teachers called me by my last name and the only time I heard my first name from one of them was when I was in trouble. Now I find that it annoys me when somebody I don't like or a stranger calls me by my first name, unless I willingly gave it to them. The first thing that goes through my head when they do is, "And just who the fuck do you think you are?"
00:41 Jan 16 2010
Times Read: 951
I'm feelin' a little confused. I did it to myself but that doesn't make being confused any more fun.
I have my date tonight with Jasmine but to be honest I'm not in the mood. None the less, I've canceled on her once and I feel it would be rude of me to cancel again. So I'm going to get up and straighten the place up a bit so it's not messy when she gets here.
22:39 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 952
FINALLY my check has arrived and I can go run the errands I need to. Oi.
22:00 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 955
Dang it. I went to go get my check so I could run my errands but the mail hasn't arrived yet. I'm going to go back in a little bit to check again. Hopefully it gets here soon.
19:48 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 961
"yah will your a dum ass"
You're what, Mensa material?
18:56 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 964
There are a couple girls I talk to on here that are having guy troubles and I just don't get it. Aside from the fact that I think they're extremely attractive and would love to do all sorts of naughty things with either of them, they are great women who deserve to be treated like that way. I would count myself lucky to have such a great girl as either of them and so should any other guy.
15:57 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 967
Don't you just love those times when you've tried to remember something and couldn't but then for whatever reason you have to use the information you couldn't remember before and it just pops out without you thinking about it?
I was trying to remember a phone number for someone but I couldn't. Now I'm getting ready to go out the door and I decided to program said number into my phone not remembering that I couldn't remember it, I just typed it in (correctly) before I had a chance to think about it. I sat there staring at it going, "Son of a bitch." I do that from time to time. It's both annoying and amusing.
Silent by The Crest
12:56 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 970
I just woke up after having a crazy dream.
I don't know where I was living in the dream, it might have been in this city but I don't know. I had a bigger place in my dream and more furniture. In the dream I decided to go and visit my ex Tina because I was missing her, she was living in the same town. I got over there and we hung out and talked a bit and then after a while she tells me she's pregnant and geting married, that's when I noticed there's been some guy sitting in the room this whole time. I was stunned and extremely jealous, beat the crap out of the other guy kind of jealous. I congratulated them and more or less threatened to do the guy serious harm if he wasn't careful.
I'm not really sure where this dream came from. Anyway, back to bed.
05:02 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 981
So I'm having a debate with myself, I'm not sure whether or not I should say something.
03:27 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 1,007
This is probably a strange statement but...
There is just something incredibly sexy about a woman with a hairy pussy. There isn't much that gets me more turned on.
00:07 Jan 15 2010
Times Read: 1,009
Hangin' out with my coworkers after work was fun. We just sat around bullshitting. I really like that kind of thing, just hangin' out and talking.
23:47 Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 1,011
My curiosity is rising by the moment. Some girl randomly added me on Yahoo! profiles and normally I don't add random people anywhere but for some reason that I don't know of I accepted. Afterward I messaged her to find out why she added me and it seems we do know eachother somehow but neither of us is sure how. She's my age but she didn't live in the right places when we were in school to have gone together, she's connected to places that I am but that doesn't mean that those places have anything to do with how we're connected. I'm am very intrigued and so is she. We've been going back and forth trying to figure it out.
03:10 Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 1,014
Boy am I glad right now that I have a 4 day work week, that means tomorrow is my last day before my weekend. Yay.
I got an email apparently from Paychex hr a little bit ago. I submitted my resume to them several months ago and never heard back from them, I'm a little gun shy about clicking the links in the email to go to the job posting. For all I know this could be fake, I might not be so paranoid about it if I had applied recently but we're talking back in August. I'm not sure if I should check it out or just delete the email, I'm leaning towrads delete.
Well, I need to shower and go to bed. I'm so freaking tired. I'll probably go to bed early tomorrow and get up a little late on Friday. That's assuming I'm able to sleep that much. Then I'll do some cleaning and call Jasmine Friday afternoon to see what she wants to do.
00:12 Jan 14 2010
Times Read: 1,019
I'm feelin' pretty good right now. I'm going to hang out with some of my coworkers after work tomorrow, they go out once in a while on Thursdays to the bar across the street from the plant. After that I've got a date for sometime this weekend. I don't know when yet, I left it a little vague when I asked her because what and when the date will be will depend on a few different things. The girl is the same one I went on my last date with, Jasmine. We were supposed to go on a second date a couple weeks ago but I had to cancel because of the cost of getting into my apartment and then we've both been busy since. I'm looking forward to finally going out with her again, so far I like her. I am a little nervous about the way I met her but I'm willing to see how things play out.
10:15 Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 1,026
It's another day... I suppose I should get up and get dressed... *sigh* Alright, here I go...
Since it's on my mind at the moment03:57 Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 1,033
I remember when those commercials first came out talking about how people diagnosed with a mental illness are more likely to "recover" if their friends are there for them. I used to think they were such bullshit. I used to think that I was doing fine on my own without the support of friends or even any family, at least in that area, and so it was ridiculous to me that they should suggest people with mental illness need people to "be there" for them. Over the last few years my point of view has changed a little. I still think those commercials are bullshit but not for the same reasons. You don't recover from a mental illness, it's not like you've got a cold and the doctor can say, "Take two of these and call me in the morning if you're not feeling better." Hell no, it just doesn't work like that. Yes there is medicine out there that can help but anybody who has taken it knows that it's nothing like taking antibiotics. I do whole-heartedly agree that it's important of have someone there who, even if they don't truly understand, will be there at those times when you need them to be and pretend like there's nothing wrong with you when you don't. It makes things so much easier. For as long as I can remember I've been suffering from bi-polar, a borderline personality disorder, adhd, and ocd and I can tell you from experience that having someone there can make all the difference between teetering on the edge of true insanity and merely feeling like you're nuts.
03:26 Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 1,039
The worst part of bi polar is suffering from the mood swings. No duh, right? Only somebody else with bi polar will really get it probably. Let me explain a little bit to you. With bi polar you have a certain cycle to your moods, everybody does but it's a little different for bi polar people. You slowly go from 'high' to 'low' and back again, it's almost like the rhythm of the tides. Then you have to factor in external and internal stimuli. The combination of these things result in swift and extremely intense mood swing. Imagine sitting on the beach at low tide and suddenly the ocean draws back to leave the ocean floor before you bare and then slams back in with enough intensity to shake the earth. That's what it's like, the water is our emotions. It is painful in a mental way similar to how getting hit really hard is physically. It can be bebilitating. I hate it.
02:12 Jan 13 2010
Times Read: 1,040
I'm feeling good and relaxed but very annoyed. I just slept for about the last 3 hours. I was sitting here getting ready to watch an episode of Bones and the next thing I know it's a couple minutes to 8 and the last I looked it had bee a couple minutes to 5... I just randomly passed out, there was no transitional stage between awake and asleep like there usually is for me. I was completely and blissfully unconscious, it was a really good sleep. It's the best sleep I've gotten in months actually. I'm annoyed that it couldn't wait until I was actually going to bed. Oh well, that's what happens when you suffer as much sleep deprivation as I do. Eventually you crash and there's really nothing you can do to prevent it. One moment you'll be sitting down and the next you'll be waking up.
10:13 Jan 12 2010
Times Read: 1,044
I'm not in much of a mood to go to work right now... I'm getting up none the less, I have to earn my paycheck. *sigh* I need to job hunt a little harder.
02:34 Jan 12 2010
Times Read: 1,046
I accomplished little today. I got up early and got gas in my car but that was all that was on my list. I realized that I won't be able to go to the plasma center until Friday because of the time it takes the first time you go and I get off of work too close to their closing time. I didn't do any cleaning because I was feeling grumpy and lazy, no idea why. I did do a bit of writing today, a poem, and I want to get it posted online before I get off. I think I'll do that and then go to bed.
03:42 Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 1,055
When all is said and done, I wonder what I'll be like. I constantly feel as though I'm about to crack and it always feels like the various aspects of me are struggling for dominance. I have a couple of things I need to journal but now is not the time. So on that thought, I bid you good night.
03:00 Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 1,061
It's time for me to shower and go to bed.
My list of things to do tomorrow:
Gas up my car before work (This will mean getting out the door a little earlier than usual but oh well)
Go down to the plasma center to go through the process of my first donation after I get off work.
Straighten up my kitchen and take out the trash
I'm fairly certain there's something else that should be on that list but I can't think of what it is. Oh well, if I can't remember than it must not be too important.
01:46 Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 1,062
I've spent a good chunk of the day trying to watch the same episode of Highlander while doing other things but I've finally given up now. My internet really sucks, maybe I should fork out for my own. I wouldn't be able to until February at least but it's definitely something to keep in mind.
Speaking of money, I'm worried I might end up short for the rent because of missing work due to problems with my car, the holidays, and the weather. Ugh. I might start going to donate plasma to pick up a few extra bucks. I'm still job hunting for a higher paying job too.
00:44 Jan 11 2010
Times Read: 1,065
Ahh yeah. I'm feeling much better now. I went out for a short walk and enjoyed the evening a bit with some great tunes. Plus I got laundry started so that I'll have clean clothes for work tomorrow, I'm out of shirts I can wear for work so it was really necessary.
I stopped over at Kum&Go while I was out to get a soda pop and asked if they were hiring while I was there, of course the people there don't know if they're actually hiring but Kum&Go is always accepting applications. I mentioned that I was looking for a night job and the girls all but begged me to apply so that they could talk the manager into getting rid of their current night guy. So I think I will tomorrow afternoon.
23:32 Jan 10 2010
Times Read: 1,066
I should have done laundry earlier today but I haven't yet. I need to. I'm having serious trouble getting motivated to get off my couch. I don't know why I'm so bad right now. I'm in one of those moods where I don't feel like doing anything. I think I'm a little depressed.
I was thinking about things earlier. I spend too much time inside and it's not a good thing, especially since I'm outdoors kind of guy by nature. I'm also a very social person by nature but I've been entirely too ant-social the past several years. I've come to realize that part of the problem is that I'm the kind of person that needs close friends in their life. Without them I become a hermit, I don't go outside enough because the things I would do outside I need other people to join in on (like badminton and basketball). I don't have people over to hang out and play games because there isn't anyone to invite. It's depressing. While having relatives to invite over is good and all, I need people not of blood relation in my life.
Fun times pulling into Kum&Go21:10 Jan 10 2010
Times Read: 1,075
Cop: I can't believe you just did that in front of me.
Me: What, that California roll?
Cop: Yeah. That really isn't a legal stop you know.
Me: Yep but the roads are slick and it's easier. Besides, there was nobody coming. I don't think I should drive differently just because a cop is there anyway, that's kind of like only doing something at work because the boss is nearby.
Cop: *laughs* An honest criminal. *shakes head and walks into gas station*
18:23 Jan 10 2010
Times Read: 1,080
Wow. That's kind of sad really. I just sat and did a bit of math and I discovered that if I were to live on pizza and hot pockets (as I mostly do but not completely) I would only spend about $35 a week on food as opposed to the slightly more than $50 I have been. I think there should be some kind of lesson or moral that comes into play here but I'm not sure what it is.
Am I the only one that sees a problem here?07:28 Jan 10 2010
Times Read: 1,093
Apparently VR has been drinkin' a little too much. I was looking at my dashboard and the place where it shows the last 3 rates you get it's showing 4. The time stamps for them are in order as follows:
Date: 18:21:10 Jan 09 2010
Date: 09:00:55 Jan 09 2010
Date: 21:00:00 Jan 05 2010
Date: 00:07:49 Jan 09 2010
04:34 Jan 10 2010
Times Read: 1,097
I went to the poetry slam tonight and.... I actually participated! I was thinking about it but the fact that I actually got up on stage and read is a little surprising none the less. I'm not really a public speaker and I'm not much of an open mic person, I tried to do karaoke once but I froze on stage and had to get off. I read and didn't freeze tonight. I was the first person in the contest and that helped, the whole time leading up to it I was trying to talk myself into sneaking out during the open mic part before the contest started. I managed to stall myself there long enough for the contest to start and it was just a coincidence, and probably a good thing, that I happened to be called up first. It was fun and I'm going to do it again next month, even though I had the lowest score there tonight. It's something to work on and something to help motivate me. Plus it gets me socializing. Actually, the experience itself helped inspire a poem and I'm going to have to take time to post it here. It's rather long.
00:03 Jan 10 2010
Times Read: 1,100
I'm feelin' good. I got my mp3 player working finally. I tried to do a firmware update a while ago and I lost my internet signal mid-update and then the thing had no firmware and I couldn't get it to reload on my comp. I finally got it to work a little bit ago. Now I just got done eating, 4 grilled cheese with tomato soup, and I'm feeling pretty content. Here in a little bit I'm going to go hop in the shower before I go down to the poetry slam. Hopefully that will be fun.
The only downside to right now is that all day my computer's been having problems with flash player and it's fuckin' my comp up.
17:56 Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 1,106
Many people make the mistake of thinking that the dom in a dom/sub relationship means that one perosn is controlling over the other person. In some cases they might be correct but in the case of a true dom/sub relationship that isn't right. Someone who controls does so not because they are a dominant person but because they are insecure and more than likely don't have a true dominant bone in their body. These people might even truly believe that their desire to control their partner makes them a dom and so do people that don't understand what a dom truly is. For somebody who has never never observed true dom/sub interaction or never experienced it directly this can be hard to understand. From an outside perspective it may appear that true dom/sub interaction is the same as controlling. There is a difference however, it may only be subtle but it is there. If this isn't something you already can understand I recommend taking the time to observe a dom/sub couple that has been together for a while. Get to know them and after spending some time around them you should be able to gain an understanding of what that kind of relationship truly is.
A vain ramble17:44 Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 1,109
You know, I really have a thing for eyes. I love beautiful and unique eyes. I have a particular thing for green eyes too. That being said, I have somewhat of an obsession with my eyes. That's my one vanity I think. I love them. I know this will sound so completely vain but I have the most amazing blue eyes. They're dark and bright at the same time, they're very vibrant. Most of the time the first thing people notice about me are my eyes. I've gotten a lot of comments along the lines of, "Your eyes are very very blue" and "Wow, your eyes... They're blue." I won't lie, this is a huge shot in my ego/pride. I've had a friend or two tell me they felt like they couldn't hide anything from me because it seemed like I would look right into them and know their secrets or that they felt like I looked into them instead of at them.
Thinking about this, I really miss my hair. I had the most awesome harvest wheat blonde hair before it started falling out. That hair with these eyes? Yeah, just think about that.
Ha ha, I'm such a dork sometimes. I don't know, I'm done rambling for now. I know this was so vain but it was on my mind.
16:29 Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 1,123
Alex never showed last night, didn't call or anything to let me know either. I stayed up until 2 waiting for her because she had said she'd be coming over late. So a little after that I went to bed and it took me a while to fall asleep. It wasn't until a little bit ago that I came fully awake. I'm not kidding when I slept more last night/this morning than I have all week. I maybe got 5 hours of sleep TOTAL Monday-Thursday nigts.
02:50 Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 1,145
So I'm sitting here and feelin' a bit lonely, wishing I had someone. I know that's so cliche and a bit lame but it is what it is. The girl I hooked up with a couple weeks ago is supposed to come over later tonight but that's not the same. Getting laid only does so much for you when what you really want is to find someone you can have a real relationship with. Though it seems to me that all the women I'm really attracted to are unavailable to me. I really want to find that girl that makes my heart beat faster just holding her hand, ya know?
02:24 Jan 09 2010
Times Read: 1,147
I have discovered that I like Irish cream, I bought some Carolan's earlier. I started by just taking a sip and then took a little more. I find it interesting that it has the same general smell as whiskey but the alcohol taste isn't discernible, it's there but it blends with the overall flavor instead of standing alone. It also burns pleasantly on the way down. I still couldn't sit and drink a glass of it by itself but I mixed some in with some chocolate milk and wow does that taste good. I might try it by itself again once it's had time to cool to see if I can drink it by itself cold or if I still need to mix it, I'm also thinking about putting it in some hot chocolate later.
17:41 Jan 08 2010
Times Read: 1,151
Bah. I'm bored. I don't have any plans for tonight except to sit around and maybe clean. Pathetic really. Tomorrow I'm going to go to the poetry slam at the Healing Arts Center but other than that my weekend looks pretty week.
22:06 Jan 07 2010
Times Read: 1,154
There is the coolest thing goin' on outside right now, I saw it when I got off work. There's a rainbow going around the sun and it's backwards. It's bright too and the indigo really pops. It's so unusual.
10:35 Jan 07 2010
Times Read: 1,155
Well shit, I just tried to call work to make sure I wouldn't be the only person there if I go in but nobody answered. A lot of people were planning not to come in today because of the blizzard we were supposed to get but when I look outside it doesn't seem to have gotten anywhere near as bad as it was supposed to, it might be different for others though.
10:18 Jan 07 2010
Times Read: 1,156
I actually fell asleep pretty quick last night, I don't think I was in bed more than a minute. That's a little surprising, I rarely fall asleep that fast and lately I haven't been getting much sleep. I never sleep that great but recently I haven't been sleeping worth shit, even for me.
03:07 Jan 07 2010
Times Read: 1,158
Ha! So, I'm sitting here in the dark of my apartment listening to trance music and just feeling good and relaxed after a hot shower. I thought to myself how free I feel at this moment and then a song came on the player and it's title is Free. You don't get much more awesome than that.
02:38 Jan 07 2010
Times Read: 1,159
Ugh, my moods seem to be a lot less stable recently. They're never stable, that goes with being bi-polar, but I can usually keep a lid on it for the most part. Lately though they're slinging back and forth and I don't seem to be able to keep that calm appearance as well as usual. I don't know. Maybe I've just got too much going on right now to manage that as well.
10:16 Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 1,164
What crap! I was going to buy a pair of tripp pants tha was on clearance at Hot Topic but when I went to the store there weren't any tripp pants to be found anywhere in the store. So I figured I'd have to buy them online if I wanted them but when I got around to going online to order them, the place I originally noticed them on clearance, I found them listed at full price. What's more, all the styles that were listed as clearance items are now online exclusivs. How can Hot Topic do that?! That was one of the few things that made the store worth going to.
03:15 Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 1,167
I'm having another one of those nights when I know I should be going to sleep but I don't feel like it. *sigh* This is where good sense should win out and I go to bed, it will win despite my stubborn opposition. I just don't have any desire to sleep right now but to bed I go.
01:54 Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 1,170
Sitting in the dark in the solitude of my own place listening to black metal and goth rock... It's so comfortable and peaceful, it feels good.
01:53 Jan 06 2010
Times Read: 1,171
I have a habit of replying to people's Kismets in a message as if they sent them to me as a message. I'm wondering, is this a bad habit?
22:57 Jan 05 2010
Times Read: 1,181
I got to the tire place yesterday morning, it took me about an hour to drive there on that flat tire and the rim was useless by the time I got there. It took me a little over another hour to get the tire replaced and get out of there, they were freaking busy. So I didn't get to work until 11:30 yesterday, short day since we get out at 3:30. At least I was on time today.
I found out today that some of the people at work are giving one of the people that works at my station with me a hard time because she likes me, in a stirctly platonic way, and doesn't think I'm scary/intimidating/creepy. Most of the people there, or at least most of the women, are apparently still afraid of me. I would find it much more hilarious if it wasn't interfering with my job, I still find it somewhat funny though.
I feel like there's something I want to write in here that I'm not but I don't know what, maybe I'll figure it out and put it in my journal later. For now, I think this is it.
15:05 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,186
Damn it. The number I have for the tire place must be wrong because they're not answering the phone. I'll have to find a phone book and check.
10:38 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,188
Called work a moment ago, there's nobody to pick me up so I'm just going to have to be late to work today. That's annoying but it's just life. So I'm going to have to wait until the tire place opens and then limp my car down there on the flat tire to get a replacement. I won't be able to replace the spare since the rim's damaged from driving on it flat but at least I can replace the tire the spare's taking the place of right now, at least the spare was just a doughnut.
10:35 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,190
" hey whats up, u look pretty hot, whats up with you?'
I logged on to POF to find this message in my inbox, the subject was "HIGH" and I'm not kidding. I don't mean to be an asshole but I just don't feel very interested in replying to this.
03:00 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,192
You know the main reason I don't like sleeping? Time usually seems to go in the blink of an eye when I'm asleep, I say usually because once in a while I'm as aware of the passage of time asleep as I am awake, and sleeping brings dreaming which is pretty much the ultimate escape from reality but it doesn't last. Those are my two biggest complaints about sleep, that and because when I'm not sleeping I'm really bored lying there doing nothing but thinking. Yes, I really do think in my sleep.
02:55 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,193
I can't remember if I put this in here in an earlier entry and I don't feel like looking to find out right now.
I decided on a few New Year's resolutions.
1: Lose weight and keep it off.
2: Exercise regularly (this is technically part of 1 but at the same time it's not)
3: Stop talking about how much I want to pick the viola back up and actually do it.
4: Make friends that aren't over a computer. (I love my cyber friends but there's only so much you can do with them)
5: Stop being so much of a hermit.
6: Find someone who will put as much into a relationship as I will.
7: Make certain to start college.
I think that's enough for one year, at least for now.
02:48 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,196
I have to get up at 4 in the morning, even if I can't find a way in to work I need to be up that early if I'm to call them. It's one of the things I hate about working a first shift job, you can't call in a couple hours before work to get things sorted out because there isn't anyone there to talk to. Plus I like to get up several hours before I go to work and with my sleeping habits I can't really do that if I have to be there at 5 in the morning, I'd be getting up at midnight which would put me going to bed at 7 as the latest or earlier depending on how I'm feeling. That would throw me off so much worse when my natural inclination is to go to bed anywhere from in the early to mid morning. Bah. I really need to spend some time job hunting, among other things.
02:19 Jan 04 2010
Times Read: 1,204
After reading another's journal it got me to thinking about anarchy. Many people paint this in a bad light. The thing is, anarchy isn't necessarily a bad thing. I won't deny that with as large a population as this world has it wouldn't be pretty. That doesn't make it bad though, just what would be done if it were the order of the world. Anarchy was once the way of things until people started thinking that their standards should be followed by others. That's when forms of government started, at first just on a community level. One small group of people got together and formed a clan or village, they decided on a certain set of rules, and anyone in their territory was expected to abide by said rules or face the consequences. They were the personal moral guidelines these people had and they set them in stone (probably literally in those days), taking them from a moral choice and turning them into a regulation. From there it only spread and grew until eventually one such group decided that other groups should follow their way and imposed said way on others. That being said, the world functioned perfectly fine for quite sometime in anarchy. In those days, if somebody wronged you you were expected to deal with it yourself. It was survival of the fittest. Our society having been brought up with the moral guidelines and regulations that we have sees this as a cruel and bad thing. Not so, it is just another way of life. Yes we prosper and mulitply with the way we have but that may not be anymore of a good thing than the other. If we continue on this path we will eventually wipe ourselves out or destroy the planet, possibly both. The other way their would be more basic and chaotic but our species would be more likely to continue on and with much better harmony with the natural world. Who's to say which is better? The fact is that whatever you say is better is merely your opinion.
23:52 Jan 03 2010
Times Read: 1,212
Apparently I'm in somewhat of a nostalgic mood. I blame the show I'm re-watching, Dead Like Me. I saw an episode that involved bowling and it made me realize how much I'd love to go bowling with some friends, now I saw an episode where the main character got a bike and I realized how much I miss the feeling of riding a bike and decided I want one. I wonder what I'll miss next.
23:21 Jan 03 2010
Times Read: 1,213
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I have to call work because of my tire for the second Monday in a row, hopefully I'll be able to get a ride. If not they're going to have to have me late, I'm afraid that they may just decide not to have me come in at all or ever again. I know I'm probably just being paranoid, I'm hoping I am. There are people there who have had WAY worse attendance since I've been there, I'm still horrified about how bad it's been since I haven't missed this much time at a job before.
18:31 Jan 03 2010
Times Read: 1,214
I'm really in the mood to go bowling suddenly. Can't today though, maybe I'll do that next weekend. I haven't been bowling since a month or two before I messed up my knee. It's one of those activities that they doctor says I'm not supposed to do, apparently the way you move when bowling can be a problem for people who have unstable knees. I might do it anyway, maybe invite a few people along.
15:24 Jan 03 2010
Times Read: 1,217
Well that's just great... Apparently the tire place that has the tires I need isn't open today, so that means I'm going to have to go tomorrow... I think I'll try to talk someone I work with into giving me a ride to work tomorrow so that I don't have to miss and then when I get home I'll go to the tire place, I don't know if I'll be able to get a ride to work tomorrow though. If I can't get a ride I'll just go to the tire place as soon as they open and then go to work for whatever amount of time is left in the day.
06:37 Jan 03 2010
Times Read: 1,222
I am so tired of this shit. There really doesn't seem to be any point to waking up each day but I still keep doing it. I keep convincing myself that if I just keep going I'll see something better eventually, eventually life will be worth it. It hasn't happened yet and I'm having more and more trouble believing myself. One of the last things I think each night when I go to bed is that I hope I don't wake up in the morning, it's not usually an intentional thought but one that just flits through my mind on its own. It makes me wonder how people who have it worse than I do manage to keep going when I barely manage to force myself to. If not for the music that I love I doubt I'd be able to.
Here's the thing, life may not be all that bad but it really isn't all that interesting either. Life's frustrating, annoying, and mostly boring. There are some things that are good for a distraction but once the distractions are gone you're back to being annoyed and bored. When I'm listening to music I can forget about life and just live, nothing matters in that moment except feeling the music. In those moments I don't feel dead inside and I don't feel like I'm about to snap.
04:35 Jan 03 2010
Times Read: 1,227
I am extremely unhappy. I went out earlier and decided to come home around 8, I didn't get back home until after 10. It was about a 20 minute drive at the speed limit. Why did it take so long you ask? On my way back I drove over a nasty pothole that was hidden under some snow and blew out my spare tire. My spare was blown out... See the problem here?
19:32 Jan 02 2010
Times Read: 1,229
Alright, I've got shit in the bag! It turns out I had a little over $300 still in that other account. I took the $150 I need to pay the power company the deposit and I put it into my checking account, I'll pay them on Monday. I still have some sweet moolah to myself though, not sure what, if anything, I'll do with it. I've got a phone again, so that's a plus. I still have to go down to the tire place this week to put a proper tire on that rim so I can stop driving on the doughnut.
I'm debating taking a few bucks to the casino tonight, it's something I've been wanting to do but never have for various reasons/excuses.
15:54 Jan 02 2010
Times Read: 1,233
I'm going up in a little bit to get the rest of the money that my aunt is holding for me. I'm honestly not sure how much I have left, I think only $200-300 but that's iffy. If I have at least $150 I'll be good. They also want to stop by a Verizon store with me to see about putting their extra phone in my name, which would make my prepaid useless at the moment.
01:40 Jan 02 2010
Times Read: 1,236
Bah. I'm in one of those 'woe is me and fuck the world' moods and I'm trying to kick myself out of it or at least ignore it.
05:30 Jan 01 2010
Times Read: 1,235
Why is it so hard to find an interesting and attractive woman that isn't afraid of having a relationship with a man that won't treat her like shit? Obviously I'm feeling negative and a little lonely, I think instead of journaling more that I'll go to bed. Even if it is before midnight on New Year's Eve, it's just not worth staying up right now.
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