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I’m sweet as candy, but people tire of candy easily and long for heartier sustenance. But candy left for years soon loses its flavor. Then they came back to me seeking sweetness, they got the bitterness. However, it still isn't the sustenance they desired so they leave me to rot in a hell of a mind. But to others who had not tasted me before, I am a new and exotic taste that still is kind of sweet. They like the flavor and wish to have it for their own. Though they require extra sustenance, they come back, as if they were addicted to an exotic drug. This, I love. Those who have exploited me however, have found that my sweetness will turn to poison in their throats, because I am not as sweet as I seem and being around me too long may make you sick, indeed.

My child. I know you’re not a child

But I still see you running wild

Between those flowering trees.

Your sparkling dreams, your silver laugh

Your wishes to the stars above

Are just my memories.



And in your eyes the ocean

And in your eyes the sea

The waters frozen over

With your longing to be free.



Yesterday you’d awoken

To a world incredibly old.

This is the age you are broken

Or turned into gold.



You had to kill this child, I know,

To break the arrows and the bow

To shed your skin and change.

The trees are glowering no more

There’s blood upon the tiled floor

This place is dark and strange.



I see you standing in the storm

Holding the curse of youth

Each of you with your story

Each of you with your truth.



Some words will never be spoken

Some stories never be told.

This is the age you are broken

or turned into gold.



I didn’t say the world was good.

I hope by now you understood

Why I could never lie.

I didn’t promise you a thing.

Don’t ask my winter voice for spring

Just spread your wings and fly.



Though the hidden garden

Down by the green green lane

The plant of love grows next to

The tree of hate and pain



So take my tears as a token.

They’ll keep you warm in the cold.

This is the age you are broken

Or turned into gold



You’ve lived too long among us

To leave without a trace

You’ve lived too short to understand

A thing about this place.



Some of you just sit there smoking

And some are already sold.

This is the age you are broken

Or turned into gold.



This is the age you are broken or turned into gold.

Sometimes I wish tears were the color of blood, dripping down my face, staining my life. Tearing apart this world for me and drenching me in a blood red bath. Making people see me for what I feel.

I can’t explain it in so few words the pain I feel so late at night. Lying in bed waiting for the monsters to catch me, as I have found that they lie not under the bed, but in my head. I have wished for someone to talk to about this. But I am scolded for such childish behavior but the emotions that surround me anger, sadness, frustration, always one. It happens with relief or with fear or abandonment. Do others shed tears this way or am I alone in thinking this is the pain. Why does it hurt so badly? Why? I scream in the night. Or, I want to scream, it is a torture of another sort. I just want someone to ask about it to see me like this, to understand this pain. There are no abrasions to mark the days that it occurs, it just comes and goes.

I looked on her shimmering frame once more before I poured the molten hot gold down her slick back. Then I watched her twitch and squirm as it covered her from hair to ass. It seared down her sides and pooled on the table around her. She deserved to be an idol, so I made her one.

Scarlet roses bloomed on the bathroom tile

The long tendrils and vines slowly stopped growing

Staking claim to a land not traveled

Wading through the low, shallow pools

A bright light came over the horizon exposing the darkness

Then the sea turned crimson with time

My eyes were grasping to light

What was that?

A snake slithering in your wake?

Or a bat chasing a tasty rat?

Or a slimy serpent slithering sliding slyly through the shadows?

Who knows?



Was it a roach that creaked and cackled and clicked on your bed post past midnight just a tick?

Or maybe it was the crack of thunder and searing lightning that made you wake to see the gruesome face on your pillowcase…

The one with blood red eyes, a gouged out mouth and a nose that sprayed blood when you scream and shout?

Maybe it was the rattling and cracking of thousands of skeletons leaving the stone cold crypt that their keep.

Who knows?

Who knows?

Shifting, changing

It can kill

But still is the essence of life



Thinner than blood

It is like veins running through

The earth



Enclosing the air as you drift down

Farther to any depths

Than before



You look up and see the lights

Far above you

Floating on the surface of the water

As buoyant as a balloon



The pain in your chest

Is your lungs

Stretching, cracking

Longing for freedom, for air



I have been down here

Far too long

Need to breath, to be free

To break the chains around my feet

And swim towards the light



Longing to fly when I can only swim

Goodbye again to my friends

Goodbye again to you, my mother too

Goodbye to my aunts and my uncles

Goodbye my loved ones, my dreams

Goodbye to my love

And many more in the end



I have said it so many times

So, I will say it once more

In the end, goodbye, again

If I looked up now, what would I see?

The grey rippling sky

Won’t they listen to me?

Why can’t they look at me in the fucking eyes?

How much do I have to scream?

Do I have to light this fire?

Burn up your skin to receive a word.

And you wonder why I don’t yearn.

“You hurt me”

Was all I said, wondering what you would do

Then I wondered why you would do it



“Cause of you”

Was all he said

“You hurt me too”

Finished his statement as I looked into his eyes

They were like ice, blue and cold

The only feeling of pain

A smile played out on his lips and I saw his teeth

I would have thought they were fangs



I wondered again how much pain would come from your finger

The long, black, cold finger pressed against my flesh

You jerked my hair to the side and bore down on me

I smelled the Jack Daniels on your breath

Your pleasure pushed between my legs

Oh, great angel of death! Take me now!

I wished for the darkness and for the light.

It's sympathetic to the devil in your head

Telling you about all the bad things that have been said

The consequences of love and greed are the same

Because when you have one, the other is to blame

Blue is the color of the sky

Blue is the color of my mind

My mind is the color of the sky

Sometimes it's night

Sometimes it's day

Sometimes I like to stand in the rain

The rain, the rain

It washes away the pain



The rain

The rain falls from the sky and my mind is the color of the sky, so the sky must be my mind.

And the rain, oh, the rain, falls from my mind because the sky is in my mind



Just like the grass

and the mountains beneath them

All in my mind.

The rain washing the water-color sky

And the dirty dirty grass

and the mountains

So big



My mind is bigger though

Bigger than the mountains because it must contain the mountains

And still it rains

To wash the dirty grass

And the mountains

All contained in my mind,

Under the sky,

Which the color,

The color is blue



Blue

The color of my eyes

And the rain

The rain

Pours and dirt pools

As in mud

It is dirty

Covering the grass with filth

The mountains now are washing away

The grass is no longer green

The sky is no longer blue

My mind is no longer blue

Blue is no longer the color of my eyes