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As already wrote,i have been in limbo for a very long time.

My choice i know but when your bombarded with,the teachings you are brought up with as a child,from parents,school even friends.

like a drug addict you tend to shy away from those you know,will tease and ridicule you,for being different from you.

Sorry thats wrong they are not different they just think different,you say you like to drink blood and omg your a freak,not normal,ridiculed.

I learn't very early to hide as best i could my wants and desires.

PLus my dad would not have entertained a blood drinker in the family,god rest his soul.

But he has past away and i know now i have the strength to awaken fully,i get by from understanding friends.But that cant last long i know.

My main concern now at present is from not knowing were to seek out like minded people like myself.

I'm not a goth,nothing against them at all just not my scene,so unless there is a blood drinking club in the phone directory lol,i'm stuck for now.

its ben suggested to befriend some of my goth friends,but from recent talks with these people,most are not into that scene,yeh they dress the part but thoughts of practicing,blood rituals seems to freak them.puzzeling to me,as the stereotypical vampire is depicted they look the part,act the part,talk the part but freak at the thought of anything outside cosmetics.

At the moment i'm trying to build thr courage to inquire at my local butchers for a bag of pigs blood used for cooking ,not a plesent thought.

But feeling depressed and down isnt nice either,and i cant drink anymore red bull or coffee it doesnt work anymore.

I need life force and i hope i get a break through soon.

I had a very good childhood,great parents who spoilt me with presents all the time.Being the youngest of six this was a privilege i now know.

But i had a want,no a craving that i just couldn't put my finger on.At about ten years old i seen my first horror movie,the bride of Dracula no less haha.

That was me hooked,i dreamed so often that i could let go in the twilight hours and feast upon beautiful women.

But i was brainwashed like all NoRMal people that this was not what people do,you grow up get a job have children and live a good life.FUCK that you die more like it.Yes procreation is needed but in my statement i mean without a like minded perso, you yourself as a being ..just wilts away to a husk of what you should be.

without my nectar,i must do with red bull and coffee,yuk no happiness there.My body shrivels and my mind retreats in upon itself,creativity dies.

iI love to draw,i love to write but for so long this desire as died with in me.

I am a Vampire and proud of it,too long as NoRMalITy kept me back,as every day goes by my true form is being re-born my hunger grows and i need to feed.I feel great just knowing i'm alive again.

dont get me wrong for ten years + i have been sustained with the little drink,thanks to my partner but i can not take this drink now as the bond of love between us as been broken and i dont sleep/drink from just anyone.

I only hope my next donor is not too far away.





EDIT:

I found a really close friend who after a long good discussion decided that she would be willing to help me,but still didnt fully understand what would posses someone to crave an others life force.

But still was willing to help me,she is a very good friend and trusted me that i wouldn't ask a favor unless it was an emergency.

Needless to say she was shat scared at what was to happen in the process,but with my vampiric persuasion she relaxed.

Later she told me she enjoyed the experience,but i wouldnt ask again.A friend in need is a friend indeed,but i couldnt take advandage of a friend like that.The novelty may wear of then she will be left with doing it out of obligation.

I would die first than hurt a friend.

For now the amount she relinquished to me shall do a good while,and for that i would go to the ends of the earth for her.i love her so much more than ever,a true friend.