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the literary agency, is interested, they are reviewing my work and will let me know if they will work with me to get it published by next week. i will be on pass, and i hope i will not be so sick by then.

beth, i love you, and thank you for putting up with me. have a happy new year!

I sent my query to a NY literary agency the other day. Just got an email back. they are interested in what I have. They want me to send them part of my novel, and if they like it, then they will represent me in getting it published.



I find myself, petrified at the notion that they might represent me. I have only wanted to write this story to get it out of my head, and maybe get it published. now the thought of being a published author is getting closer to being a reality.

it is Christmas Eve and it is snowing in Afghanistan.



I will be on shift from 8 pm local to 8 am. i have given my soldiers, tonight and tomorrow off, and i will pull thier shifts, so that they can enjoy the holiday.



So, from Afghanistan to everyone on VR:



MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!



SGT Jonathan Allen

Intelligence Analyst

HHC 41st BCT

Camp Phoenix

Afghanistan

i keep hoping that working on my novel, that I would have it done by now, but as I write it, more things, twists, keep popping up. I am excited that the characters want this, but at the same time, i am becoming despondant, that it will never get done. Add to this, the fact that while everyone so far loves the way it is going, I still have to go back and be a bit more discriptive with some of the places and things. And the fact that it is the holidays, and I am normally depressed around this time of the year, and, I am in a foriegn country, way away from family, and friends.



Add to that, the fact that I gotta start thinking, business---looking for an agent? looking for a publishing house to publish it when it is done. all the tiny details that actually sells the novel. It is no small wonder that my hair is getting grayer by the day.

i normally don't bitch, at least not out loud so others can hear me. I had to help a soldier deal with an emotional problem he was having with his current gf. Since I am in charge of this soldier, it is my responsiblity to make sure he is mentally and physically well enough to do his job, and this includes helping him with emotional, financial, or any other problems that may arise, or to guide him to the people who are better trained than I. It is emotionally draining to do this, but it is part of my responsibility as he supervisor.



now i am depressed and emotionally drained, enough to the point I judt want to go home and forget this place.

i was going over part of chapter 4, when i realized, that i am not a porn writer. so i took out most of the two scenes that had what amounted to porn in them. this novel is supposed to be about a man who is in love with his old flame and still torn up over the death of his family, not porn. so if i end up disapointed a couple of people, then i am sorry. the next novel i write might have porn in it, but not this one.

i am sitting here working on my novel, listening to Robert Plant's "Ship of Fools," wondering if I will be able to finish this before I leave this nasty little country. My dream of having this done, and submitted, and published, is fading into the twilight quicker than I can breath. The Army is a tough task master, I hardly get enough time to sleep, much less time to work on my novel....I know I shouldn't complain, but sometimes I get so frustrated..... Oh well, back to the grindstone!!!!

you know your life is fucked, when in a war zone, you can derive pleasure from eating a twinkie!! LMAO!!



my brother sent me twinkies and cupcakes as well as coffee, and a few other items. me being me, i gave most away to my fellow soldiers, and kept a couple of twinkies for myself as a xmas present, the coffee i kept cause i am a selfish brat!!!!



anyway, from afghanistan---MERRY CHRISTMAS! everyone!!!!

there is a girl i met on leave. the most wonderful, funny, kinky, and kinda crazy woman i have ever met. I find myself thinking about her almost nonstop. i can not imagine me without her being in my life. i don't know what tomorrow will bring, but if i have my way (which I will), then i will get to go home and wrap my arms arround her and hug her til she tells me to stop being silly in front of all those people, and that is only the start.



Yes, you know who you are!!!!

i am taking a break from VR due to increased work load from the army and school. I will try to stop in and chat when i can, but don't expect it. anyone wishing to chat with me, can leave an email. my email is on my profile.

if any of you live in or around the spokane area, then in july sometime, i will throw a small get together to celebrate me being home. you all are invited, if you want to show up. When the time gets closer, i will give out directions. it will be informal, so you don't have to wear anything fancy, but you do have to wear something...LMAO!!!!

i have been in the military for 23 years. i have trained, both physically and mentally for this my whole life. I have studied the wars from the civil war to the vietnam war, to be ready to serve my country. each war is different than the last. I fight this one, not with my strength, but with my mind. to be able to crawl inside the heads of my enemies, to figure out what makes them tick, so that we may be able to counter their moves. I do my best, but I fear that I may never understand their way of life. I am not my father, nor will I fight the way he did, at least, not in the same sense as he fought, but I do my best, so that my fellow brothers and sisters may be able to come home to their loved ones. There are many back home who don't understand why we are here, nor why we do what we do for our country. for me, it really doesn't matter who is right or wrong, which political view is correct. we are here now, trying to help a country stand on its own. to train their citizens to fight for their freedom. to help their children to go to school, and to grow up free as we have been able to. this war will not end in a day, or a week, or even a month. hell, it might last for several years, but I hope that what I do, will leave an impression on these children, so that they will never forget the strangers who came to help them be free. you may not like what i do, you may even hate me, but if I don't do my duty, then one day, when you wake up, you may not be free anymore, then what will you say; where is the army, where are the soldiers to grant my freedom of speech, my right to read what i want, to see what i want to see, to wear what i want to wear, to pray to whatever GOD i want to pray to. you would not be free, if not for soldiers like me. it is not the government that we need to be afraid of, nut the government should be afraid of the people; we elected them, so by the same token, we can fire them as well. just remember, who provides your freedom, the next time you decide to complain about the government. as for me, I will continue to serve this great country til i die, or they no longer need me. there will be many new soldiers who need my guidence and the guidence of veterans such as me. it my price to pay for being allowed to live in this country. may you sleep well at night without any worries. I and my fellow soldiers have your back.

the end of my writing class is only a day away. I have managed to get 4 chapters done for the class to review, I have the rest of the novel in varying stages, most need to be fleshed out. hopefully, I will take what they say and put it to use. I do know this, everyone who read what I wrote so far, said that they would read the rest. even those who don't like that kind of novel. So I am hopeful that the public at large, will like my novel. I only hope that I can find a publisher to submit it to, and that they will like it enough to publish it. I don't expect much for my first novel, maybe $2,000 to $5,000, but it would be nice to get that, and a contract for the rest of my novels that I am working on.



If I haven't mentioned it before, this is to all of you who have seen parts and have said that they were good;



Beth - For inspiration and for loving me for who I am

Mara - For reading it and saying that you didn't know I had it in me to write a novel.

CJ - For editing the first three chapters.

Kelly - For fixing my back & for pressing me for the rest of my book

Mom & Dad - for support when I had no where else to go after my divorce.

VR - For allowing me to join and post my humble words on the Coven of Darkness Incarnate.



And to GOD - for allowing me to continue to wake up each morning and for those voices in my head, which turned into my novel.



I only hope that I am good enough to earn the support of those above.

in the midst of apathy, death, cold, and the depressives states of being here in afghanistan, a wonderous miracle occured, A friend's wife gave birth to a baby girl. I found out as i walked in to start my shift. He told me to grab a cigar. He was beaming! I congrated him , and grabbed a cigar! So there are some days worth waking up for.

it seems like every time i get close to someone, they either die, or run away. It goes back to my grandpa. i wanted him to play with me so i shook him to wake him up, and he fell off the bed and died of a heart attack right before my eyes. ever since then i push people away, either by ignoring them or hurting them. or on the rare case i let them get close, they see what i am like and run for the hills. I have built up a wall to keep others out, hence the loner status. the only people that get close to me are my army buddies. they don't ask for anything more than watching their backs and doing my job. they set no conditions on me, except for the ones above, and since i need them as much as they need me to stay alive, those are conditions i can live with. the army has been my security blanket for as long as i can remember. it will be hard to put the army behind me when the time comes. It is like a bad addiction, you don't want it, but you can't live without it. Oh God, I must be going insane. my head is a mess right now. my feelings are bouncing all over the place. I wish i could go back and say i am sorry to my grandpa. I hope that someday i will actually grow up, and get on with my life. I still see the room, and the bed, and him lying on the floor clutching his chest. i can't get it out of my mind.

I don't need this, i have so much shit to deal with over here, including my knee which is not getting any better. fuck, i need to just go to bed and hope i don't dream. i think i will eat a few painpills, and pass the fuck out and not deal with this shit. i just want out. i am so glad i don't have to live forever, i would be totally insane.

i want to scream, I want to throw something, i want to cry, alas, all i can do is shrug my shoulders and keep working. keep my mind busy, workout my body til i am exhausted. anything to keep from thinking. I feel that I am standing on quicksand, and unable to reach out for help. my thoughts and feelings amount to nothing. If i speak my mind I will become the fool. If I don't say anything then again I will become the fool. Maybe I can volunteer to go on a mission and distract myself. I am unwilling to force or make others do what they are unwilling to do, even after they have already done it once. I will not be the fall guy if it all goes to shit, which I feel that it has done already.

I want to say what I feel, but that will make me the bad guy. normally I would say it and damn the torpedo's, but this is probably the time I need to actually think before I speak.

God, I hate the army, I am so far away from home. I can't hug the phone or the computer. it is not the same. at least if i was home i could go for a long hike in the woods and clear my mind, here all i can do is walk to the gym or drink mass coffee. not even a beer.

I bet none of you has ever had to create a fairy tale, using a different point of view. My instructor, told us to find 3 popular fairy tales and rewrite them using a different point of view. I have been beating my head against the wall trying to do this. I have managed to get one almost done, and have to do two more before monday, as well as do my job for the army. Boy, talk about pressure!



anyway, the first one is about the 3 little pigs, from the viewpoint of the big bad wolf, having his day in court. it has taken me the better part of 6 hours of writing and it is almost done.



I don't know what I am going to do for the other two I have to do. :(



oh well! will have to figure it out before monday.

i awoke this afternoon from a dream that totally shocked me! I normally don't have very many sexual dreams, but this one took the cake and ate it too!! I was wandering through a old apartment i used to live in when i lived in portland, oregon. It had three floors (was an old house converted to apartments, one to a floor). My roomates had a floor each, well in my dream, i had the very top floor, meaning i have to go thru the other floors to reach mine. Some reason, I wandered thru the other floors, and on each floor, my roomies were naked, nude, whatever, but one was sleeping with her ass in the air, man i could describe her to the last hair above her mound. this went on thru the other floor as well, til i reached mine, and to my surprise, there was this cute blonde layin in my bed, exactly like the other roomies on the other floors. Now for the surprise....non of these women in my dreams have i ever lived with. one is serving over here with me, she is my drinking buddy back home...I asked her about it in general terms and she said her fav position while sleeping in the nude was on her stomach. i have known her for several years and have never seen her naked, but i am pretty sure that she has, well never mind, lets say i believe she is as she was in my dream.

the other girl in my dream I have never seen period. and the last girl, is my gf whom i have only seen while on leave, never lived with her, and i know from personal experience, exactly how she looks.



so it is a wierd dream. one that put a huge grin on my face.



oh beth!!! do you sleep on your tummy????