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I am sitting here with a screwed up knee waiting to go on another mission, hoipefully this one won't end up with me injured or worse. I keep thinking back to that journal entry she posted a day or so ago. I misunderstood what she had written and we had a disagreement over it. We finally got it worked out but not before she left VR. She says that it was because others on here were hitting her up. both guys and girls and she tried telling them that she loved me but they didn't seem to want to listen. So she is gone. now i can't chat with her or see her thoughts or for her to see mine. I am really upset over the fact that if she was right then I am serving over here for others to try to take my mate away from me. What kind of sick world do I live in that my military service allows freaks like that to do things like that. It almost makes me want to quit, but I realize that the majority don't act like that.



In any case, I love her and I pray that those who did chase her away (if it wasn't me) realize that they are slime, not even worth my time and effort to hunt them down. their actions will haunt them in the long run and I get my satisfaction knowing that someday it will come back on them.

I would rather we have these misunderstandings now and try to work them out, then for us to meet again after being apart and dealing with these issues while the boys are around. When I see you next all I want to do is hold you in my arms and kiss your sweet lips. to lay next to you and kiss every inch of your body and to make love to you. then we can talk about whatever your dreams are and where we stand with each other. I have never wanted someone in my life like i do with you. I have never found the person who knows me and understands me like you do. so what if we have disagreements. everyone does. as long as we talk like rational human adults then i feel that we can get thru anything.

I love you beth and i don't want anyone else in my life.

so i hope that you are ready because when i get home you will be loved and cherished like you never have been before. if this is wrong then you will have to tell me to go away

welcome to my pity party. I hope you brought your own beer as I can't drink while I am in a war zone. Once again I have lost or am losing someone that I love. I guess I was not meant to be happy. Not meant to be in love. At leat I got to spend some time loving her. Better to have lovesd and lost than to not have loved at all. I think I shall wrap my heart up and go back to being the asshole that I was for so long. At least I won't get hurt anymore. Well I am still in the war so I better snap out of it and do my duty so that others can be free enough to fall in love and live the american dream. I wish I could say the army did it to me again, but I can't, I volunteered so it is my fault that I can not be there for her or her sons. especially now when she needs someone to help her. I had hoped to be loved for me, but it is not to be. So back to work I go and when this is all over I will find something else to do. Hopefully I can get the army to let me finish my time even with a f**ked up knee. We shall see, I am not dead yet nor am I out for the count.



I hope you enjoyed the beer and the next time I throw a party it will be because I get to go back to the states and then I can drink right along with all of you kind folks out there.



Wish me luck!!!



PS: This is to all of my fellow soldiers--Stay strong and keep taking the fight to the enemy and soon we all will be able to go home.

I feel that I am losing you because of a misunderstanding. I thought you wanted me for me, and that your sons had a dad. now I find that you want a dad for your sons. I understand. I told you what you wanted to hear when we saw each other because you said that your sons had a dad. now I know that what I said was something you didn't want to hear. I should have said what I felt, but it seems a little to late now. even though my kids are stepkids I still love them as my own. and all the kids that i have taken in over the years i have loved the same way. it broke my heart when each and every one of them had to leave. so i had tried to distance myself from loving kids because i didn't want to get hurt again.



when you said that you didn't need me to be a dad for your boys i was kinda happy that i could be a buddy. I knew that if i had said anything else you might have decided that I was trying to take their dads place in their hearts. that is something I would never do.



Oh well I guess it doesn't matter anymore, you have decided. and I must live with that decision wether I like it or not.



I love you

why is it that when you find someone that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, something always happens to screw it up. I fell in love with the most beauitful woman and now it seems like she is pushing me away. i finally find the woman that i want to spend my life with and it is goinig up in smoke. What kind of irony is that. I should have know that i wouldn't be able to keep her. I got my hopes up yet again only to have them dashed and smashed.



I guess my love doesn't matter. i will wrap myself into my work job and try not to think about the best thing that has happened to me.

I normally am not afraid of very much. But I sit here after doing my run and I am afraid. I have given 23 years of my life to the military and I think I am no longer capable of going further. I sat and stared at my knee which is right this moment the size of a grapefruit. I have had problems with this knee for over 10 years and I always thought that I could keep faking it so that the army doesn't kick me out. I think that this time there is no faking. I am suposed to do a Physical Fitness test in a few and I am unable to pass the run part of it. If I don't pass the run then I will be unable to reenlist to finish out what I need to retire. Which means that I will have spent 23 years of my life for nothing. I hope that I can see the doc and get what the army calls a profile and see if I can squeek by on the test, otherwise it is all over for me with the army.



well enough whining I supose I better get ready for my shift. I have a soldier who is not doing her job to the standards my7 big boss requires. so I have to get this soldier motivated.



Beth,

I am so sorry that I have let you down. My knee won't let me finish what I have started.

I love you,

your injured & tired soldier

It warms my heart to know the her son is want ing me to come home so he can go fishing with me. I was worried that I wouldn't be accepted by her boys. I was all set to live apart from her until the time her sons warmed up to me. which is why i was all set to get another job and leave shortly after i would have gotten back. I only hope that I can be a good friend to her boys.



I love you honey

There once was a maiden whose heart whispered a question to her. She spoke not a whisper to any around. Her hearts dilema resounded thru her soul. Thousands of miles away a soldiers heart responded, and sent her heart an answer. She was scared to see or feel the response. So off to church she went to pray.

An answer she asked God that day. God responded with a quiet knock. The soldier answered and said as you will it. His heart quietly whipered the answer her heart desired. He asked God for the strength to await her reply. He bowed his head to pray. God I will still love her no matter what way she may reply.

Another month almost gone. 8 more months to go. Finally started writing again will have novel finished in about 10 years at the rate I am going. Too busy dealing with my job and someone else's job I might as well update my resume. My Beautiful mate waits for me at home. I get to hear her voice every few days or when I forget how much it costs me to call home. I hope that I can be home with her for more than a few days or weeks. I am supposed to be heading off to school for 6 months when this is over with, but I have to reenlist first. I want to work for a company that has people over here already and they pay like 80,000 for the same work I am doing already. I just am not sure I want to leave my mate so soon.



I know she has a question for me and I know the question and have an answer for her. I don't want to chase her off so I haven't said a word about the question I had for her. I believe it is the same question, but I can wait and see if she wants to say anything. I will have to decide real soon if I want to take the job if it is offered or to go to school as I know that is a sure bet for the short term.



My Beth,

I love you very much and hope that you recieved the answer that you were looking for. I am still waiting for the answer from up on high as to which job path I should take. I will know soon.

My love,



You already have the answer to the question your heart has been whispering to you.



I would never hurt you.



My heart has answered the question for you, look inside and see.



Do not be afraid for I love you and that is your answer

As my days blur into nights, I never know when I work or when I am off duty. The Army does not keep set hours. The Army like anyother job can be very political. everyone is like a King in their own castle. I deal with subordinates as well as superiors. neither of which get along with each other. Lets add to the fact tha the majority of afghani people want us dead and gone from their country, this makes for a wonderful working condition. I want out of here so bad that I can taste it. the only thing keeping me going is the love i feel from and for Beth. she has shined a light into my heart where there was only darkness. I go thru day
ight with a smile on my face knowing that soon I will be home in her loving arms.

I am not as poetic as she is, nor do the words flow right (unless I am deep into writing my novel). I don't know what she sees in me nor do I know why she loves me. I just accept it and drive on.

I will say to her that I love her and will wrap her up in my arms and kiss her no matter where I am at. I will make love to her till she weeps with pure joy at the love I shall shower upon her.

I will take her to the beech at night and gently lay her dow by the shores of the sea and make love to her under the stars. I will whisper I love you in her ear as we stare at the stars in the sky.



Beth I love you!!!

your weary soldier

I sit here doing my job for the army and found out that there is a company out there that will pay me 4 times as much to do the same thing. I talked to my mate and I hope that this company will employ me when I get done here. I hope to be able to spend some time with my mate before I go back.

I hope she understands that I am doing this not only for my future but for our future as well.

I Love her so much that I don't know how to say anything to her. Everytime I talk to her the words come out all wrong. everytime I email her I screw it up badly.

I want to tell her that whatever she decides is fine with me. If she wants me to live with her great, if she wants me to live by myself, great. it doesn't matter to me as long as she is happy. If she wants me in her life, great. if she wants me to go away, great. as long as she is happy.

I love her. I can't see myself living alone without her near me, but if that is what she wants then I will do so with a smile on my face.

I don't ever want her to change because of me.

I never want to come between her and the boys.

I never want to hurt her, but I will gladly hurt anyone who hurts her.

I think about her every single day, almost every minute of every single day.

I dream about her every night.

I will be so glad when my part of this war is over then I can sit down with her face to face and talk and see if I can get the words right.

I want her to see in my eyes what she means tp me.

I want her to feel the love I have for her.

he has given his heart to a beautiful maiden. the tears on his face have long since dried. he looks around the glade noticing the woodland animals are dancing for joy. the dark cloud upon his heart has lifted. the sun shines down upon him as he slips on his shades covering the wicked gleam in his eyes. with a wry grin he leaps five feet in the air and lands several yards away from the stump. he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a picture, a picture of a beautiful maiden. he holds it high in the air and mumbles a spell. a flash of light a burst of wind. standing before him is the beautiful maiden from the sea.

stepping thru the door in her heart he sits at the table and writes these words;



if the strength of your love can reach thru time and space then you know in your heart what you might do;



the key left here will allow you to enter a door. thru the door is a meadow. in the meadow is a clearing, in the middle of the clearing is a tree stump surrounded by woodland animals with frowns on their faces. on the stump is a man with long silky black hair. the hair covers his face. the only sounds to be heard, is the sound of sobbing. in his hands lies a heart. it is tattered and broken, lying in pieces.

Her Soldier Boy

By: JD Allen





The call comes in the middle of the night,

He puts down the phone with the look on his face.

At a glance she can sense something’s not right,

He reaches out and she rushes into his embrace.



She lowers her head to hide her tears,

He said I love you as he walked away.

She left unsaid her worst fears,

“I Love You” was all she could say.



Over a year ago he had left.



The plane approaches & drops down from the sky,

She watches its approach with baited breath & tears in her eyes,



The plane with her soldier boy safely lands,

But a moment later she’s flying from the stands.

The soldier boy’s feet barely touch the ground,

When she slams into him & spins him around.













2006©JD Allen

I am a sick twisted bastard who enjoys inflicting pain on others. I have spent my life serving this country as a means of controling it. Since the day I met my mate FreakyMermaid I have not had the urge to seek out and hurt someone, until I heard that some sick pervert threatened to sexually assault her. now I find that the genie is once again out of the bottle. There is no denying who I am, and I will not rest til I find that individual and deal with him. you will know who he is when he waddles down the street with a fucking 1'' pipe shoved up his ass and his nuts hanging out of his mouth right before he drops dead on the street.



I have tried to be nice, kind, and caring, but it is things like this that totally piss me off.



I love my mate and will not allow shit like this to go on.

I know I should write a letter and mail it to you, maybe I will, but for now I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to see me that day. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Thank you for wanting to share your life with me.



If something should happen to me while i am over here, I want you to always remember this:



I Love You so much that I will never want another. Your sweet face will be the last picture in my mind. The first day we met when you stood at the door and looked at me when I opened it, will be the last memory in my mind. I Love You Beth will be the last words out of my mouth, and when I get to heaven for those few seconds before the quick ride to hell. I will tell God that I Love Beth with every ounce of my being and want one more moment before I go to hold her in my arms and tell her that I Love Her.



Beth,

I will always Love You and no one will ever take that away from me. I will always be with you in mind, body, or spirit.

On this day of rememberance. I am moved to point out that my dear frined Dana was killed when one of the planes slammed into the world trade center tower. I vowed that day to do whatever i could so that her life and memories didn't die in vain. I have spent my life in service to this great country of ours and will continue til i am either too old or dead. I pray that my fellow soldiers who have died since that day. will have found peace in knowing that America will never forget them. For all those who have sacrificed their lives in saving and protecting others, I ask that you give a silent prayer that this heinious act will never be repeated on our soil again. I ask that you all give a silent prayer to those of us who still serve this great country so that we may find comfort in knowing that our sacrifices will not go unnoticed. I as well as the rest of us will glady sacrifice our lives to insure this act will never take place while we are on watch.



Thank you for supporting us and for remembering our fallen comrades.

God Bless You!

I don't know who the asshole who threatened my mate freakymermaid is (yet), but when i do find out I will hunt your sorry ass down and fucking kill you so slowly you will be begging whatever god you believe in to exit this life quickly. when I get back from afghanistan I will spend whatever moeny I have to find you, and I will find you. this is the only warning you will ever get. you better be looking behind you, because you will never know when it will happen til it happens. No one will hurt my mate and not suffer my wrath. I will bleed your ass so slowly and let it soak into the ground so no one will ever taste your sickness. you will expend much energy to plead for your life and I will drain every last bit of it, then I will kill you.



NO ONE BETTER EVER FUCK WITH MY MATE AGAIN

I am back for a few hours I hope. there have been several deaths the past few days and are expect several more as 911 comes. whenever there are deaths of amreican soldiers, they blackout communications until the families are notified. this insures that fellow soldiers or friends don't inform the soldiers families until the proper people do. anyway I will be very busy for a few days until this passes as I have mass intel to play with.

hope you all have a great day!!!

another shift is almost over and a PT test is on the way after i get off work. fun, joy, another senseless thing to do while i am here. i so wish i was home or at a home with my mate. she keeps me sane in this crazy part of the world where if you are american they do their best to kill you. nine more months and hopefully my part in this will be over and i can rest in the arms of my love, my mate. I was so worried that I would get stupid and push her away ( I get like that when people get to close to me ) and then feel like shit when she is gone. She informed me in so many words that I wouldn't push her away. that she loves me and cares for me. I am butchering the words she spoke to me so I will apologize now before she see's this and decides to spank me. So I am not worried anymore. I just got to plan for when I am done here.

it is like 1140 in the morning and i should be sleeping before i get ready for my night shift, but i can't sleep. she is on my mind. i cannot imagine a hell worse than the one i am in now. to be here apart from her loving arms. i awoke earlier in anger and confusion. she is not here! for a few seconds the anger threatens to overwelm me and i want to scream as loudly as i can, but i don't, i gather my strength and push this feeling of lonelyness back down deep inside of me. if she only could see how much her love has affected me. i put a smile on my face for the world to see but deep inside i am a raging animal wanting its mate. i will be so glad when the hella nightmare is over i can go home to her arms. she has promised all kinds of teasing and toys to welcome me home to her, and i say put all that away as i won't need any. just her in my arms loving me all night. maybe after a couple of days of loving her then we can play with the toys. in the meantime this hell will go on for 9 more months and i am not sure how i will be able to deal with it without her. somebody said war was hell, man they don't even know the half of it. when this is over i never ever want to see it again, knowing that i will probably see it again within the 5 years i have left before i allow myself to retire.



Lord let me make it thru this hell to go home to My Sweet Beth who you have brought into my life. let me go home and cherish her love. Grant me this one small wish at the chance for happiness, this chance at love. God don't take this away from me. In your loving son's name Jesus Christ. Amen

It has been a while since I wrote anything in here. I am back from my leave and hard at work or should I say hardly working. I met this wonderful woman while I was on leave. was talking with her for months before I went on leave.

well I went and met her. Thought she wouldn't show up, but she did, and wow, we made like one of those instant connections where when you touch you can feel the electricity between the two. Since then we have been communicating thru emails and phone calls. I can't see me with anyone else from that day onward. We agreed that we will talk a lot more before I get home and we will decide after I get there where we will go from there.