The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Well just when I thought that things could'nt get any worse...I was horribly wrong. You see my aunt decided to take her own life, I have only ever read and and watched documentries surrounding suicide. I never understood the anger...the grief and the guilt that accompanies suicide. At first I was sad...and then seeing what it did to my family...I felt anger...I thought how cowardly...of my aunt...to cause such devastation on those that are left. But then my own guilt krept in...she had mentioned it to me that she was going to do it...at the time my father was nearing his death...from cancer...I was angered by her nonchalant attitude about the matter of her ending her life. In expressing my anger...and I would say...fear...of losing another beloved family member...I scorned her for thinking such thoughts. as much as I thought the act of one taking their life as cowardly....I have to admit...I am some what in awe...why? It must take a great amount of courage and disbelief, to enable you to be the one to govern how you should die. Thank...who ever that may be...that she did it by ingesting pills...and not by blowing her her brains out, but then does it really matter? In the end she still ended her life. I am still angered, but after reading bits ands pieces of her writing through out her life...I can't say that I understand...but I can at least somewhat empathize as to why. But never can I find the courage to do what she did. So in a bizarre way...I admire her...PLEASE...don't get me wrong...I do not advocate suicide, I just mainly want to share the effects of those that are left behind. I count myself lucky, to be able to deal with shit...when it hits the fan. But in all reality...I will never know...the greater power permiting....I will never have to face the ugly truth of depression. Oh yes I'm sure we all go through it...but the depths of it...are one...which I hopefully never have the chance of knowing. I can't stress enough!!! if you should ever feel helpess..or that no one cares..I must say that your wrong. There is always some one out there...just please try to find your way through the darkness...there is always a light that is more than willing to help you though.