What i view on love20:45 Jul 23 2007
Times Read: 525
Well I have a lot on my mind, you know. Boys, friends, family, and life in general. I don’t know exactly what to do. My mind wonders with indescribable imagination. The terrorible things I experienced have put me through shame and guilt. I would say that most of it was my doing. But to loose a friend over something stupid and harmful. Why? This is a question I ask, especially to myself. Why do I wait until the last minute for a task to become finished? Seeing as it is, I realize the things I have done, the wrong I’ve dealt with. His parents may by all means despise the likes of me. But this was never more a choice of their making. He has a mined, a brain, and free will of which the heavens bestowed upon him. His choice is what matters the most in this case. But do not get me wrong, his parents are doing their best to protect him. I know that it’s a sure thing he has the sense to avoid the wrong. Not to become hooked, like I have. But it is his life to live and I do not have any place or right to intervene. I will most definitely not make up his mind. But because I have a harmful habit and have not yet broken it, I have made his life more difficult for us. Restricting me from him will make me want him more. But I am definitely not obsessed. Never over anyone. Obsession kills.
I would not die for anyone in that matter. Love is not worth dying over, as things shall happen as they come. And I do not love him, for love is used to commomly without a sense of meaning behind it. He is merely a boy of whom I am previously seeing. As many may speak “There are plenty more fish in the sea.” And yes, I agree. But I will not fish for an eternity searching for the one that taste best. Spending a lifetime choosing is wasteful. I also will not sleep with every man that happens to come along. But waiting is further more an option I am willing to make. But the right fish will swim by one day. Right now it’s only summer dreaming.
After being intentionally hurt by a certain someone, Reggie, I could see myself with anyone else. Everyday, I would cry sitting upon my bed writing. I used to write letters addressed to him but never sent them. I didn’t know exactly where he lived, except that he lives in Prescott, England. But I still felt closer to him with every word. I thought I had loved him, and it is unlikely for me to feel so comfortable. But it wasn’t a real and truly sincere relationship. Only internet love. But this on time I recall him saying that he was in a terrorible condition. He had said that someone told him I was cheating on him. So he went and sliced himself up. ABSURD I tell you!! Talk about your emotional breakdowns. I would never in my life lay my eyes, my hands or my heart down for anyone else besides the one I care for. Even if it’s only internet dating. I am definitely not a cheater. I am not a !!
I still believe that I will not find true love. But that has yet to come. Terry is everything to me. And I will always be there for him. Not physically anyway. I love the way he is so concerned about me, as I do him. My closest and most dearest friend. I view him as the love that can never be. For he practically plays the role of a loving father I’ve always wanted and never had. I do love him but our love may not happen. Only in our and virtually are we together. Oh how I long to speak with him again. I am faithful to him and try everything in my power to make him happy. Only words from me can soothe his heart for now. My sole wonders in search for his touch. I love him. No matter the obstacles we face, my love for him will remain the same. And yes, I am much concerned of my friend. My love is out of my grasp, for I cannot hold him. For one that lives so far and yet much longer than I have, before you know it one of us may share only a short while together. Waiting so long to be together, just to show that he may no longer remain. And a broken hearted woman cries upon his death bed. Never again believing to find true love. For she loved only he and no other. Why am I behaving this way? I must not think like that! I will one day see my love. I will do whatever it takes to see him at least. His words caress my heart and the image in my mind stays forever more. And as for Seth, I guess things won’t work any longer, for my heart is elsewhere. I Love You Terry with all my heart and I never want to regret that. Finally I shall end until another day.
Deepest and most sincere regards,
Brittany Durnil
COMMENTS
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cadrewolf
18:13 Feb 14 2008
Words of the mind, enjoy life dear