The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

do you want to know where dreams come from,

some show shame and some show none,

we all pray for?



we all bow down,





well world hows the amerikan witch doing? good i hope. you know i would think i would be happy with a witch cause she would understand my mind and world i live in, i dont have to accept whats in the real world and i can hide in my own world and she would not change me cause she would like the way i am, well i hope she would



being single for 10 years now the last time i dated was in 1997 with a real human, but i had three dates in college back then and they all wanted sex and a lot of it, i could not do that when i would kiss them good nite, i would go up the road where no one could see me and i would gag and sometimes throw up cause i am not use to be with anyone or the worst thing any one could do to me is touch me without permission. i HATE to be touched, i am not saying i am better, its just i dont want cells from others on my cells, i could get even more sick than before.



but i do want a relationship but without the sex you know, maybe after a year has pass we then can THINK about it and see where it goes.



as far as kissin well if she takes care of herself and has a great mind and heart and soul as well then i think i could kiss her, and be touched as well with respect of course.



but i think we all kind of want that, but others like sex and i kind of dont, i dont like the smell of lust and the wetness of each other. yeah i could use a condom and not get wet at all but i have a problem of me feeling my own seimen on my where you know, and that would make me want to chop off my damn dick for doing that to me, so see i am just shit out of luck.



no i am trying real hard to stop the wants and the erge to want sex and i am hurting myself so that if i get aroused, i would hurt myself with pain of needles then it will go down so far it has not been up for a few months so i think i am siken' myself out of that mode. you know what i mean?



i have turn down very beautiful women, i met some opn the net and they are lovely looking, but something in me, something evil and dark, i cant say what i feel, see and hear, but them demons in me say things and i cant be with them so i have turn many down. i am sorry but thats what happens when your ill for almost 14 years of illnesses.



now the only thing that pleases me is playing my music live and my religion i am going tinto for my major degree this fall. i have one full year left and then i am a real priest by the goverment.



but what will i do with all the titles i have, i am studying to be a councilor as well and D.D. degree, my mom has all these ideals but i am not sure if i am ready to put on the armor of a god and jesus, but i shall have darkness in me but others who were the white callor wont know or i will be kick out maybe, not sure the rules on that one.



i am also getting a minor in music in the religion not in the real world just for churches..



anyway this last week, my surgar levels was 547 almost 600. not good, if i hit 600 and up i have to go to the hospital and get help to bring it down or in time i will go in a coma or heart attack. i was scared when i seen it over 500. shit what do i do? where will i go? am i ready to die? fuck no, but with my luck i might and that really freaken sucks you know i did not have a life when i turn 21 since 93 to 2007 i been ill and stuck in a room now back in 97 for a whole year i was driving and going to classes and was a firefighter 1 and a detictive for fire or arson. then after that year my hip went out and down to the ground i was and went in to another hip replacement so i was fucked after that, i went down in life and now was back in my home and stuck to my room cause that was not the last surgery i had there were more after that.



well this friday is payday, going out for dinner me and mom. hell that is all i know, i dont really have any real friends, fucking world, anyway and then get a couple cds and dvds and might go to hot topic for some dolls and that is it get ready for college again but will be doing in on the net instead in person but the mentors said they would answer me if i call during office hours if i need help or something so that was cool.



well i better go now i will be back again to write more you guys and gals have a great fucken week and dont let no one battle you down to their level, its not worth their spit. take care all,

dvon