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I've been thinking I may need some sort of outlet for feelings I guess. I think I'll use this as my source wether anyone reads it or not. (Whatever). I've been told I need counsling based on my irratic behavior that I think isn't all that irratic.



I've been accused of not wanting to be happy that I like to be upset all the time.



Can anyone tell me how do you put all that has happened in the past aside and use a clean slate. I don't know how. I go off my life experiences and protect myself accordingly. I've built my walls sturdy ones at that. And I've met the love of my life and I'm having a hard time breaking the walls.



Trying not to judge him based on past experience but damn it I can't help myself. My worst fear is that I'll loose him and that pisses me off because I've always been a very independent person and needing someone not only emotionally but physically as well just drives me absolutley insane like I've weakened. I have certain rules that I've placed upon myself as far as conduct and he's made me break every one of them. I feel like I'm loosing myself in a way but then glad that someone has helped me feel again. Its wonderful to love but so scary at the same time.



Well I guess I do need counsiling.