The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Ok finlly abil to pay my bills and paying more tomorw or monday ' and hopeing john would be here but as it turns out he is working which is greet ' and that means i need to get use to him being more busy then before and he knows where he can stay and my offer stands so maybe i need to listin to my own words and live my life till then and not worry so much and if it happens it happeds and if we work it out so to speak greet if not ok' ect and make sure i wacth what i say more and chil out. but better news is i talket to daycon and he was so sweet to me today and that made em so happy' and life is getting beter even if daycon and john do piss me off at times thats life' i guess i guess i need to live mine and let what ever happends happen ect ' and be happy the boi got a job ect and hope daycon gets better real qucik and now i am done if he comes here he do and when me and daycon are together greet till then i am done.

AS i am feeling all confused and missing my bf and missing john' and wondering how they are and feeling blue and so on' i am just wondering what to do, about it john is so confuseing and daycon is going threw a lot and i am just lost when it comes to them both' and how to handle my feelings for them i just feel lost and yet i know in time things will get better ' i guess i need time is all.

AS I WAS FEElING SAD AND CONFUSED AND FURTRATED AND SO ON about john' and talking with derick and haveing some of our vistion qusiet and him helping me i feel better and am like ya know when he wants to sleep over he can but i got alife to lead and things to do ' and i need to go on' and thanks to de i can be ok' and i know he likes me but the boia mess and got alot on his plate and that is that for now so what ever happens or not fuck it',. now i am getting things done and that is good and the rest i will figure it out so there.

MAN today is so fustrateing i pmed john again' and he did not pm me ' and i am like ya know what damn the boi is pissing me off' and it just hurts i know he gets busy and gets invloved in things but damn' i guess i just need to say ya know what when you want me here i am i know you like me but you got alot on your plate and i need to do what i need to do for me and so on,

and i am getting there i guess when ya like some one it is just hard is all but in the end i will be ok in the end.

As i am thinking about johnand and daycon a nd dilon i am just trying to figure things out' and hopeing with all or one of them it works with is all' and i just wanthings to gett better is all i guess john i need to take my time with daycon same thing and di i know i made the right chioce just hope one day i will know more aboiut if we should be toegther or not' in any case medation helpet and i may not a big solutsion yet but i am more willing to take my tiem and stop worrying ' and when it comes to john he is who he is and if it works greet if not what ever and same goses for the rest of them so that is all i can stay for now,

TODAY my firend vinnie fixed my door and told me john is down the sore and i was like what the ? but later found out he did it because he had no place to stay and so on and i hope he comes back soon ' and hopefuly stays with me'.

that said i have been thinking about him and hope he gets back soon and he can ya know and we can what ever' my firend says maybe i can be the one to come out the closset and so on who knows i would just be happy to spend time with him soon and so on' in any case i guess time will tell,.

any way vinnie also fixed my laptop and it runs much better and gave me advice and the wireless card works better and well not much esle to say for now but mad i like john alot and i hope things work? till then who knows and i also miss daycon and so on and hope he is ok and i wish i could call him but my phone is off now but firday it will be and i got all my paper work done for the food stamps tomorow so in the end i am hopeing things will be ok. ps man when it comes to sam and john those two are odd and anoying as all hell' in any case i do not know about john some times oh well i guess time will tell. hay the way john redid my wireless and it works beter at graces so there is hope for it' so yay me.

I got a tale or so to tell' EVERY ONE was so late but it gave me time to do my spell with my derick it was his b day also yesterday ' and we did a spell for a greet party and a wish to come true haveing him in our spell ' was amzeing i just felt good doing it with derick' and as we danced after word with the other gods there it was greet but yet i felt like a loser because no one came yet ' that i invited noting agaist the family of cores but still' any way after waiting so long every one was comeing ' and that was greet ' mike gave me 10 bucks for my gift which is always always a good gift and now i got him for chrimas and his belated b day ' now the one i wanted to come most of all came finlly john' and sam which was good and bad for a few reasons but she gave me such a wonderful gift she gave me a phoeinx poster one all flying on fire it was so banging ' i loved it ' and after a lil while i forgave em for being late.

but sadly it got form good to bad and in between i was talking to john in in bathroom about mike and about us and makeing sure i did not do what ever one esle dose and that we are cool basicly he said i am fine and we talket and got back to my other guesst',



any way there was drinking john and mike made up before and it was cool' and there wasa good time inbeween thow john is in the prosese of breaking up with his sooon to be ex he is just trying to find dirt out on her before that and so on ' and its druma but what ever' i was tetxing some of my firends inbetween my wish was comeing true john was at my party' he was my gift' thow he may not know it' any way things were pissing me off because john talking about fing this asin girl and missy and who the fuck esle and his issues at my home first off and then talking about who he is doing ;' i mean i know he is not ready for any thing seurioes or his own mess and he is not the commeny kind of guy i get that right now daycon is enoghe and i ahve enoghe on my plate as it is ok i am not jeusie or trying to posese him or any thing not at all but do not talk about that mess in my home;' either so i dropet my glass by mistake because i was disstracted and talking to vee about it he said i should tell him how i feel ' and that would come sooner then i thougt and vinnie to my surpress finsishd cleaning my mes which was so sweet and he also ' helpet me hung my poster on my wall' then as john was going on and on about i went in the bath room to talk to derick and i was pist that he was touching my movies and saw my porn now a who ask ya to and b if ya did not wnat to see it and act like your straght guess stop because it ant working then ' in between all of that he was going to ask after i ask when he wants to hang out next? he ask since he is between places if he can stay over my house i said sure and i mean it even when we finlly talket' but before that he said ia m sorry for mnesting this i am a diganoped nypho and so on fine what ever i was thinking' then when he knoked on my door he ask me if he could come in he ask me if i was ok i said ya even thow i was not and he said i am sorry for i said i know it was upsetting you ' and i said its fine and we started talking i finlly was like fuck it and said i was not up set because i am jueise because i am not i am not trying to be opseviev i just did not wnat to ehar about this or that person on my birth day and or in my home is all' he said i know and i am sorry for that and in between that don't be or made some comment about jeusely whcih had noting to do with that i know you not going to do what ever basilcy comment to any one' i am fine with that at leste for now because i love dayconoto and i am not breaking up with him any time soon and i am poly any way thow i did not say that but still' john said i only said that stuff to get people laugheing and so on and i said ok how about i start mensationing every stranger i try and do and or whatt ever esle with or steve or who ever esle he said i nwould not care i would be lagheing about it uh huh i bet and as we were discuessing this bs ' he said i know you have a good heart and you are a nice person ' and don't let what any one esle say includieng me runin your birthday that is why i do not have sex on it because the person i am haveing sex with will not be there next year' and as we talket about how i get deprest he said don't and kept meandtiing how nice i am and how i have agood heart and i said ya that would explain steve and devin and so on he said don;t let them bother you ' and he also talket about if his family on both sides' will never talk to him again if they knew the truth about him and so on i said that is not right not to be jugdemental but still i said even if they do not like it they should love you and be there for you ' he said yes i agree but there not like that ' and i said you can still stay with me and firday i should ahve my cabile back on and the net also .



as we were also talking about his faith and him saying no matter i do not belive in satin or hell and how he feels about aborson and how everyone will be jugded at the pearly gates ' and all this and he said he is not a regleisn man but still he went on and on about it ' ' and i knew if he ever knew the real me the truth that he may chage his feelings and we also talket about how i wish i did not like sam and how i feel gulity about this and so on ok not that guilty but still' and he made a face like f it or something' and he said he was sorry for not getting me any thing i said its fine' and he said did sam say that poster was from both of us i said ' not really and that was partly why they were so late ' and so on it was greet we got alot out ' and of cores some one april and vinnie had to interupet us because april had to use the bath room john said were talking here and so on can ya go some where esle;' and we left but for now we were good ' as he was talking about so many things i said i was sorry for upsetting him and i did not want to make him feel he needed to baby sit me ' and that i wnated to be diffrent from the rest he said how you feel is how you feel is how you feel i said even if its about this he basicly said more or less yes and that i do not feel like i have to do that with you i know i do not thow he might have only said part of that but still ' and so on were were more less as i was angery at hime he has to do something to chage that ' and i huged him and he huged me back not quit like the hugs he gave me later after they all went home or the way he shiuck my hand it was diffrent and that is the story of my drunkin party i bet teh god of wine was proud or not? but i did get my wish not the way i wanted but it happend i had another meanful pice of him



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PS JOhn also mentshion how he feels about his life where he should have more in his life cars money ect megan his daouther with casey ' and so on and being abil to this or that ' and i felt bad for him and i think that was when i felt bad for him and' huged him . here is the other thing he called me a brother he thinks every one is brothers and sisters i said i do not agree i am like that would be insetaulus because like i said or saying now he is cathlic and bla bla and so on he said that is not wrong in the bibble and all this bs ; and i said not what jerry springer says ' trying to be funny and ' we talket more and that was that after people be interrubteing.



in other words that was what is going on i think he is likeing me more and i am happy to know it but still my firend mojo even gave me greet advice when it comes to him ytalking about who ever in my house ' and i am going to use it ' and so on.

Ok all i am so happy tomrow is my b day ' and i am just neverus and hopeing people come to this bloddy thing ' any way called grace and got grace we were talking she got off tonight ' and so on and she told me her and vinnie may go to johns and so on and grace told me that john and his gf broke up and i am shocket' i mean really i do not know if that means any thing for me or not but i am sory in a way for him; in any case i ask if there comeing tomorw; and grace said john is ' and vinne but then said she is not sure after what happend so she will cheak and get back to me 'on that and we hung up and that is my day i am at my firends house useing his net till i get my stuff back and i am happy and thankful my brother called me today to wish mea happy thanks giveing even thow i say every year i do not celbrate it what ever ' in any case i am happy i am seeing my kids today and dilon and no matter where go from here i am happy i got them in my lives , and no matter what happens with me and john if any thing menaful i guess i am partly happy he is in my life even if i have mixed feelings.

Here is the thing as i was walking home with my brother derick' i saw john and sam in sams car it was nice seeing him' but i am realzing no matter this goes if it gets more meaning ful greet and if not fine and so on but if it dose ' i am afrad of what he will think of me when he knows the full truth its bad enoghe after i opend my big trap about me and my brothers exicnet the way it is ' and he seems fine with it but if he really finds out what i truely am then what> and if it dose gets real then what? in a way i am glad there the way it is but in a way hope more comes; but if it dose what if he hates me for being a power normal dragon and pheoinx and being a vampire and a witch i mean then what? i am just so sacred of that day i mean maybe i am makeing more of it then it is but still ' i gues its just my fears is all but i guess i should enjoy the fact he si comeing to my party i can not belive after all this time he came back in to my life and now i am reazling how much i always liked his mundane ass and now all this i guess in time i will figure it but man why now after so long?.

Ok here is the thing sadly happyrly what ever i still like john that said' he is on myspace saying he is looking for firends with benafits man i am like dont ya got enoghe firends al ready with that? i think mojo right he is a boi still in any case and i of cores am not even in his top list any more so glad i did not have him in mine yes i am takeing to much to heart and t doe not mean he lost interrest in me or that he wont be by again he is just being him i know that and if it happesn againa nd if something real happens fine i am just venting' .

in any case now that i said that and saying this hea hot mess i feel better , and if things happen they do but i am just tyrid and i need tme away and that is all gtg.

I have been thinking alot , on daycon and how he is it feels like he no longer cares and it hurts ' and i have been thinking about dilon and how he really loves me and how i love him,.

then i have been thinking about john and how he is and so on and i am so willing to just keep it as it is because he is a mess and i have to much going on ' and we need to be firends and if it ever chages greet if not what ever' in any case i have been thinking and re thinking and it is what it is' i guess i just need to take it one day at a time aand enjoy life.

As i was talking to mojo ' about john and all the druma that happend and as we were talking i was telling him all this and we talket about my brother' and about johnbeing all flip flipy and his being torn and i ask him the things i did , and him and mojo thougt it was nice hell even good he gave me flat out asnwers and i do not want to be another one tearing him apart and mojo said ya kinda are but really he is doing it to him self ' and he had to go so i feel we are so going to talk about that agein but i am not going to turn in side out i am going to be chil for now on and just let what ever do happen happen ect its as simple as that.

As i was reading johns post about firends with beafits it made sence and i realz i do not to be on him were firends and that is fine besides if things pop off then it should be what we both what and we got to much on our plates for more to soon and so on so i may not pm him till next week who knows and besides he said he will be over agine soon let em i got my life to lead and advnetures to come to have and so on and that it.

TODAY is a good day ' i saw what's his face online said hi it was his brother and i said hia nd he was busy so i let him go and i desided to give him more time on the pming if he wants he will come over again which i am sure he will and if were takeing it slow and he got to much on his plate and so on and has the ones he loves and the rest are firends and what ever and him being strehtd and so on ya know what like i said and will say it again i do not need to be another one of these people pulling him , no i do not besides never worket for me any way if he realy wants me more i am going to give it time and besides its all so new any way so i am just letting things happen the way they should so i am done ' but not out just takeing me time this time besides got to see my baby dilon tomorw and i need to have soem fun with my mans , now that said i got things done got one or to more to do tomorw and so on and being happy about my b day next weekk any way late.

AS john and i and this guy named kevin was walking home ' john ask me before we went off how i got to graces house i said i walk and he was in shocket at first , and then as we all were walking slash rideing bikes well the guys were john ask if i walk this slow i said i could adjust it basicly ' and as kevin was all shocket and being anoying about how i can walk all this way john said i walk ever where and so on basicly comeing to bat for me 'and as we were nearing johns gf house john said he would walk with me and damn kevin insisted on comeing with us gods he was blockeing i wanted to kick his ya know what 'in any case as we finlly got losuer to her house i finlly was abil to rid my self of kevin and me and john were talking about how he loves sam and loves missy ' and how he is being pulled in all kinds of ways and casy keeping tabs on him ect ' and i felt for him and i did not want to do that to him and let him know he can trust me ' and i mean it to the fullet , and i told him i do not like kevin that way because that might be way he would not leave but oh well and i ask him what i am to him i wanted to know where i stand ' and he said were firends and that is all he can have for now with every one esle' which ya know what i can live with that and him telling me ' he was never like this and he wants to see what out there before he gets to old and so on and i get that and i said before we partd ways if things were diffrent and or ever chage ' would you basicly said would we be more series and he said yes i said ok , and i left and the truth is in spiet of my fansitez i am ok with that i have to much on my plait as it is need to do me for a while work on my writeing spend more time with dilon and so on' and treet him better so its where it needs to be in all truth and he said the best way to get at him is in myspace pms and i am like and he said before i left is get home salf and or walk home salf and i was off as i was walking i called dilon and told him i was sorry for how i was treeting him because truth be told no matter how i like john i do not want to crude him and be like these women pulling him all kinds of ways and keeping tabs on him i want to be better then that and take it slow ' and start treeting dilon beter because he is the love of my life and i love dayconato' and me and dilon talket and working things out we have plans for tuseday and were going to see eaCH OTHER ON the early after noon ' SO that is good at leste and john is going to be busy so when ever he rolls by again he do but i got a life to lead and i need to get back to what is imporent and its my family ,its funny dilon and i's first marrige did not last longer and we keep getting back to each other and with that i think we are mated for life in one way or the other and this lasted longer and i am lucky to have him and our kids and so on so what ever happens with john happend but i am not going to pull him in another way he needs to work shit out and i got to much poping and besides i am really good the spell me and derick cast to see how he feels worket i know he likes me more or less and if things were dif we would have more ' so in the end i gues if its happens it happens ? but dilon is my man and i need to do right by him nuff said. ps i think what i said about him pming me back pisst him off and i did not mean to do that ; and i am glad to see he was mad about grace interrubted us so its all good . and i am the only one who knows he is bi and i said i will not betrey his trust.

I remember john asking if derick is gay and i said yes and or a sexual' and john showing me the number he said he thougt i was on and saying i swaer i heard ya there' and today i finlly ask him f he comeing over he said he got to much to do with viinee and a second interview ' and so on and i ask about his gf and he said she is fine and that she is a nice girl and fr the time being she is ok' and talket about sam ' and how she will never be with him again' and i also said wish grace never interrupetd us and he said ya me to ' i was mad about that also and he said i am becomeing more and more busy but i will find time to come over or something ect ' in a way maybe its good we contunie to go slow and besides me and dilon can spend more time together tusday and so on' which is fine by me and in the end things will be ok in time but i am sure em and john will get together again which is a ok with me but i need to spend more tim wh my mans in any case that is the day for now. i also now remember me going threw shifts also while i was drunk and i could not controll it and i did not know it till after and i was like oh why i do not get why i went form happy to sad it was just werid and still is.

I did it it agine i got drunk i let out the bag i am and a twin who shares the same body and i a so a firend people will think i am crazy and have d. i.d. and and i feel like shit now and derick crying to help me threw it and all my life is unrelavaing now ; and i am so afrad john will stop likeing me and never want me again' and as grace was being nice to me and so on i was and am being sacred about shit and john helping me with my pc ' and wanting to get me home safe and makeing sure i am ok and makeing me calm againe and makeing sure i am ok and being with me it was so nice ' and after grace drank some of or all of my boone me and john talkte some short as it was we kisst and i said i was sorry for how i acted and acted the way i did and wishd i was more in controol' but i was not and i can not blame it in any one or any thing but me and i feel sad ' but john and i talket and he said its fine and he would do it for any one and we kisst like i said and we did ya know what' alil and wanted the pic of vees ya know what and i said come over monday and we can do that and so on and he said he is not looking for any thing seires with men or women which i can repeact and i said i hope ya still like me he said ya if i did not i would not be here ' or what ever so time will tell on that but as they left because grace was cold i hope john comes over monday but after what happend who knows but time will tell' but i am me and so is my brother and i will not feel guilty for that john did not treet us like freeks at leste if he did he was nice about it like i said time will tell , so wish me luck.



here is the other details as i was haveing my break down and being all sorry for what i have done and grace said she for gave me what i have done 'and about darren with april john said don't regreet what ya did or something like ' you went after what ya wanted or some mess like that and in between that ' john and i talket about' the dark pheoinx and the next xmen movie and looket in my phone and so on and more then i ever wanted to see ' and gave it back to me meaning my xxx pics ' and later at my house he cheaket my phone and swicthd my sim card and made a phone call' and looket at and was talking to me about a fairert while really he was looking at vees ya know what and he couldt belive some one that skiny had suck a big ya know what' and wanted a copy of it i said come here moneday and we can do it , becauise i did not feel like writeing down his email and what not in any case it was pretty cool he was looking at it with me and so on so life is getting better just need to get my dairy is all now and i will be ok. i also remember asking john if he still liked me and he said yes he dose ' and him not being ready for a seruies relastionship' ect which even thow that dose make me alil sad i will admit in a way its good because i got so much on my plate i need to work on so its fine for now ' as and him complaing about haveing sex with his gf so he can still have a place to stay and so on and save up ' for his life so to speak and i can get that hopefuly me and him will meet monday hopefuly? and as i was upset he huged me as a firend and it made me feel so good ; and i could go on and on but i think i am good grace and them may come over tonight but who knows graace will call maybe and we will go from there and dilon are haveing a date at 6 pm which i need and i need to see my love and just have fun so for now its all good.

ps when i menterd about wanting a man with wings and furr a werewolves and so on i think john and or grace most likey john said ' that is t . mi . which is nice to know i can do that to him also ' hehe just like when he tells me about this or that girl ect its funny as sin really i may have to play the same game for a while and yet take my time and just have fun and leave it at that .

As i was thinking about this i think john' like my firend said is almost trying to get others to know he is bi ' because he talket about comeing to my house and so on ' and us being alone together for a hour at a time ect but i am being to think maybe just maybe he do like me but time will tell.

Today after long waiting and getting wet' i am finlly hanging with grave sadly i had to see tiff and tiny but waht ever i icnoged there tony's comments and let it be at that ' any way john and sam came by and john told me he liked my boots and and ask where i got em i said hot topic ' and we talket about his boots he likes ones that give him lift in any fact we also talket about when he was at his firend billys parents home in pa and how he saw there liquer and he became bartenner and how he madea drink called the komaazis john or what ever and also as we all were doing a sex survie and john made it seem he said i would get a 10 or a 5 whivh i do not know how to take it but ok what ever ' and in bettween that he was like wanting to go on a ride with them so i was alone with the baby , and as this was haping he was like ' do you have alchaol ? i was like soem times and do ya have net i said ya of cores and he offterd to show me some gorrie sites ' and so on tht he said and said i was cool or good peoples which was sweet ' i sapose ' any way ' and he was asking me some things here and there' and when they got back and inbetween talking to vee ' he ask me if i wnat to go out side to smoke i was like ok ' then we talket about sam and how he wishs this kid was not his and he said i know that bad but i do not want any more but i do not wnat to get clipet and we talket about why he did not come over yet he sid have not had the tiem to; and he ask what i was doing moneday after noon i said noting and basicly more or less he may come over ' and he sid he cant call ebcause his gf missy dose not have a phone ' and as we were talking about all the guys he wnats to have a orgy with and how guys are diff women ' and so on and how its like going in between em ' i was like ok i can relate to this bs ' and as we were talking eh was talking about all the things sexuly he likes and he is acting all consdeed and saying at pdgys house how i did not think he was my type i told him flat out thout you were strght so i said it and i did not want you to be considerd and if oduge knew he would tell his ex and she would be like why didt you do ames and he thinks he is nasty and i said him flat out if ya think the same about me ' and he said i do not do unatraive people ' and i said ok jst makeing sure i men i do not think i am unatrative but still like to know ' and during this he said he can ride his bike to my house its not tat far and asking wher ei live excalty which was cool and i said you can stay at my house longer when ya like ' and so on he ask me if i like orgys and so on ' i said ya he feels lke haveing one ' which would be hot ' as we were talking as much as we could with out making other listin it was greet i feel a lot better he ask me if i was spahis and i ssid nope i told him teh truth or rather the non alterd truth ' and so on' so it si reeking cool and grace for me to get the liqger and john said let me help this guy and he was showing me some of the girls and guys he wants and i am like oh ok' and i am like before what ya want me telling u the guys i had said not here which if ya ask me never , ad he did not answer in any case of far so good just this man is going threw to much like mojo said and i so need to play it more cool any way later he said he wants me to show him good sites to meet ya know what i am like ok'' any what later.



then he talket about how long he can last ' and wanted to see how big my hand is because some one said ya can tell' how big one is ' by that and i was like grr ' and he was like i am a curies ya know what basic i was darn ' then we talket about apirl and her men and them being muslim and john haveing opieon and so on' and then as sam took me home john said he had to cheak on my pc , and and use my bath room ' and when he got in after that we were talking and he said want to a taste i was like sam waiting out side and he was like giveing me the look and we did things and he sat and we did more things ' and we kissit and i spanked his cheat in other words it was of tha chain ' and almost knooket me off the bed a few times grould ' and it was crazy basicly ' and he wanted me to take my shirt off parly and wanted to seemy ya know what ' it was hot and then i ask him if he liked me wish i ask him long before now but still i needed to know he said i do not have sex with people i do not like and he also said earlyer i do not do unatraive peopl in any case it was unbelive and i think the same for him also' he was all in to it and in any case i will be waiting for him monday /. so gtg./





Ps john also said as we were talking if steve ever ya know? i am like oh no and he said he tryd that with me and i was like get away from me more or less he said ' then as i was talking about how steve hurt me ' and all john said you dont need that or deservive it not sure which ' and john said i would not ask you fro money i may ask for weed or achcol or what ever but not that ' and while john was at my house he ask if i bring my phone or if i take it with me out i said i bring it with me' and then we talket about pudge and how he is not my type and so on'' which was cool but lets leave pudge out of it for now then before all this i thougt i saw john at k mart and i tryd to get to him but he was gone' then later at graces he said were you at k mart he said ya i was ' and i said why did't ya say hi he said because ' my eyes are not that greet and he was fighting with sam ' and she got mad and it was some drum a which grace made them more or less stop ' thow he said she meaning sam wilin never be mrs garica ever and well him haveing stress about this or that girl and what ever basicly its a mess , but at leste i got my answer for now so i am happer. once again john said something about my clouths he said stakers and bikers dont get along or something and i was like all shcoked i should have said a i thougt i was dressing gothish or what i call goth light ' and i said if ya do not like my clouths ecpet my boots then date me and by me new ones and then i could say ahh ya know what no no one tells me how to dress notn even my mom i would let do that ' in any case he was telling all about his bikeing and him wanting to get back in to it and so on and its like we both have lived some interresting lives so far.

which is cool./

AS i am talking to mojo about john and him helping me short threw things and helping me not get carried away ' about him and to let things go and wash away untill what ever and so on' mojo has helpt me alot and i realz i need not to worry and if it happens it do and that is all' and i can live with that , now that i talket with him and we talket about a lot of things and i feel better so alls well that ends well with me thinking every thing means something when it may or may not ,its as simple as that.

SO far things are going ok and i have not imed what's his name and yet still wondering if i should add him on my list ' but after talking to a firend desided not to for now ' and i am still wondering if he even likes me ' and well acul broght things to me that could make em think he likes me more then he really do and now i am confused and all i want to know is if he is ever comeing to hang with me alone nd or if he even likes me and well if he ever could is all and now its just more complcated then i wanted and now i am just so i guess i can follow one more bit of advice and just let go if its ment to be it will happen and that is all i can do.

AS i called vinnie he said he had to get in the shower and for me to call him back lets just say that did not work so well , and i went to grace's house to look for em i knowed on the door not so load of corce because i was a firend of disturbing johnny and i kept seeing with my mind every one leaveing and comeing in and out and i thougt no one was home and as i called grace and it turnd out she was home and i did not have to worry about johnny because he was not even there , and so on and grace told me every one is fine and that vinnie is at johns house aka his moms and so on i am doing good not buging him and follwing mojos advice and it feels good to give us both space and i realiz if it happens it is ment to be and so on 'when me and john get together we do or no any way that is all for now i am just tyrd of worrying i am going to let nature take its corse.



ps I WAS CHEAKING johns page not pming just cheaking like i do at times with people i see i am ahead of three people which is way cool and i guess he can't be that done with me yet but i think i better not get a head of my self on all this yet and keep follwing mojos advice and call it a day any way later.

as I WAS calling vinnie and he said he had to go int o teh shower and call him back ' in 20 min and when i gave him time and man i knew i was right in setting something up lets just say me giveing him more time has been how do i say back fire , and now i will try getting him again in a few ' and i also have been talking to dayconato and things are better but yet not and i guess things will be ok and its as simple as that for now.

HAY some answers to qustions one called vinnie and found out he dsoe not have minites on his phone nd that explains why he did not call me back and part of his messge recording sound the way it did because it cut him off and found out grace and sam and john are down the sore 'and i guess that is good but i still wish he would call me and come over and stay with me and what ever but if and when that happens it happens , but really i need to spend more time with ' dilon and i am missing dayconato ' and that may be partyly why i feel this john mana besides me likeing his but any way i guess if its ment to be its ment to be till then i am out and calling vinnie tomorow wish me luck.a

Hay i am not going to pm john for a chage ' because he never pms me back and i am figureing with helps to my brother if he wants me he can call me my phone is on now ' and so on and not sure what esle to say on its hard for me not to pm him but i am going to do that so in any case gtg for now.

HERE IS the thing i just got up and saw john online so i figure maybe he will asnwer my pm and of cores heak no he did not ' and i am like i know he is going threw mess but still its rude oh well it figures i guess if he wants to get at me he will and i am tyrd of trying so hard so for now i am done trying he wants me he can call and come over and so on ; and then we can spend time together ,.



Now dayconto is doing a lil better in texting me its not greet but its better and i am happy with that its a start and i am not complaing so maybe when he has more net axcese we will talk more in any case this is what is poping.

Today things are going well still got the human john on mu mind' and asking here and there for advice and wondering if he really likes me and if they thougt he did so many views so lil time and its one of those things i guess i need to have to talk with him about ' and here is the thing my firend acul saw some things about him stuff i knew and stuff i got more clear and on he would want try and controol me and so on basicly like a 1950s relastion ship ' and if he found the truth about me he may not take it in a good way so if i want to know what he would think go on a website on kin i do not go to and see how he thinks acul said and see if he what he thinks and go from there which ' is good advice in any case i guess some things even i have to do on my own and have some confedence as cvee said about my self ect so that is my day.

As i am talking to a firend about john and figureing things out i found out threw his vistion that john is who he really is but he may or may not like who knows ' but i guess in the end i just have to make sure i keep my eys open and not get carried away and i think some likes john also or his gf but oh well i am not going to worry because i am texting my man and i think i need to foucs on that and my writeing and i could go and on but i will just keep my eyes open about him.