The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

🧛‍♂️ Deadpool’s Daily Rant (Journal Entry #669)
Title: “I Tried to Host a Vampire Talent Show and Accidentally Summoned a Demon Named Chad”

Dear Diary,
...or as I like to call you:
“My Emotional Dumpster Fire With Extra Glitter Tape”

So.
Today was a lot.
Like, “accidentally microwaved a spoon while breakdancing in leather pants” level of chaos.

🎤 The Idea: Host the First Annual VampireRave Talent Show.
I thought: “Hey! Let’s lighten the mood! Bring joy to the eternally depressed goth community!”
Spoiler alert: They did not want joy.
They wanted blood, poetry, and maybe a guillotine.

Still, I went through with it. Here’s the rundown:

🧛‍♀️ Talent Show Highlights:

Count Sanguinarious69 did a dramatic monologue entirely in Latin...
...while shirtless...
...covered in glitter...
...on a unicycle.
I have never been more aroused and confused at the same time.

RavynMoonTearz read a poem called “My Soul is a Dagger, Gently Screaming.”
It was 42 minutes long.
I ascended to another plane somewhere around stanza 12.

Lilith von Wiggledagger claimed she could communicate with bats.
Spoiler: They were pigeons in tiny wigs.
Still impressive.

Me? I rapped the entire plot of Interview with the Vampire using sock puppets.
The crowd threw synthetic blood bags at me.
One of them was warm. I'm... concerned.

⚠️ Where It All Went Wrong:

Mid-show, I thought it’d be funny to do a summoning ritual on stage.
JUST FOR GIGGLES. You know candles, fake Latin, a few goat noises.
But plot twist:
The ritual worked.

Suddenly, BOOM smoke, lightning, panic, regret.

And out came Chad, the Demon of Secondhand Embarrassment.

He looked like if a Hot Topic employee and a frat bro had a cursed baby.
Wore cargo shorts. Had tribal tattoos.
Kept yelling “BRO, WHERE’S THE RANCH?”
We made him the judge.

👹 Chad’s Comments During the Show:

“This vampire's vibe? Cringe but hydrated.”

“Poetry’s cool but where’s the keg?”

“I give this ritual a 6 out of 10. Needed more dubstep.”

“Is that Deadpool or Hot Topic’s seasonal clearance rack?”
(I wasn’t mad. That’s accurate.)

🩸 Aftermath:

The show ended when Chad tried to body-slam a coffin and dislocated three ghost’s emotions.
We banished him using a Taylor Swift song in reverse and some expired eyeliner.

I’m now banned from the Coven of Eternal Shade™ for "reckless summoning and pizza grease on the ritual altar."
Fair.

🧠 Lessons Learned:

Never trust pigeons with wigs.

Vampires are allergic to ranch dressing.

Demons named Chad cannot be house-trained.

Emotional support sock puppets are real and I will defend them in court.

🎬 Final Thought:

VampireRave, you’re like a haunted Denny’s at 3am mysterious, slightly sticky, and full of broken dreams and people named “BladeX420.”
I love it here.

So if you’re out there reading this, wearing black lace and crying softly into your coffin pillow remember:
You’re spooky. You’re spectacular. And you’d SLAY on karaoke night.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go apologize to a coven, un-summon a frat demon, and find out who stole my glitter cape. (It was RavynMoonTearz. I saw it on her MySpace.)

Stay undead, stay dramatic, and always carry garlic breath mints.

XOXO,
Deadpool 🖤
“Haunted, hot, and hella emotionally unstable.”

Want another journal where Deadpool runs for VampireRave President? Or tries vampire speed dating again but shows up in a Twilight onesie? Just say the word.

🧛‍♂️ Deadpool’s Daily Rant (Journal Entry #668)
Title: “I Accidentally Joined a Vampire Coven While Ordering Pizza and Now I’m Their Blood Pope”

Dear Diary,
...or as I now call you: “The Crimson Scroll of Questionable Decisions and Burrito-Based Prophecies” 🩸🌯📖

So... things escalated. Again.

🍕 It All Started With Pizza...

I was just trying to order garlic knots, okay? Garlic knots.
But I must’ve clicked the wrong link (or the internet sensed my chaos energy), and BOOM next thing I know I’m in a Vampire Coven Zoom meeting titled:
“Blood Rituals & Emo Feelings – Thursdays at 7”

Me, sitting there in a Deadpool onesie holding ranch dip like:
“Hey guys, is this Domino’s?”

They just nodded solemnly and said, “You’ve been chosen.”
CHOSEN?!
I thought they meant “chosen for a coupon,” but NO
Apparently, I’m now the High Blood Pope of the Coven of Eternal Spite and Overly Long Usernames.
(I didn’t vote for me, but democracy is dead anyway. Literally. Everyone’s undead.)

🦇 First Order as Blood Pope: Total Rebrand.

We are not going to be called “NightChildren of the Cracked Mirror of Despair666.”
No.
We are now: “Team Suck It™”
Mascot: A bat wearing fishnets.
Theme song: “Bring Me To Life” but sung entirely by auto-tuned raccoons.
Uniform: Capes optional, sass mandatory.

💌 Messages I Received This Week (Send Help):

“Wanna be my eternal familiar? I bake blood cookies.”

“I saw you in my dreams. You were wearing Crocs. Explain.”

“If I send you my soul, can you autograph it?”

“Hey sexy. You like coffins?”
➤ I replied, “Only if they come in king size with memory foam.”

🩸 Coven Drama (Season 3, Episode 6):

LilithVonRavynTearz accused CountBladeXx420 of blood-sharing without consent.
I stepped in as Coven Pope and yelled, “ORDER IN THE BLOOD COURT!”
Then threw fruit snacks at everyone until they calmed down.

For legal reasons, we now have a safe word. It’s “glitter.”

⚰️ Personal Update: Still Not Dead. Still a Snack.

I tried seducing a vampire by dramatically reciting Twilight fanfic in the moonlight.
They said, “Please never do that again.”
We’re getting married next week.

Tried sleeping in a coffin to “get in the vibe.”
Got stuck. Had to FaceTime Blade for help.
He roasted me for 17 minutes and then sent garlic bread. Bestie behavior.

🧠 Deep Philosophical Questions:

If a vampire bites a clown, do they become funny or just haunted?

If vampires don’t see their reflections… how do they do eyeliner??

If I call myself “undead inside,” is that just being dramatic or do I need therapy again?

🎃 Final Thoughts Before I Disappear Into The Night (Or Bed, Let’s Be Real):

VampireRave, you beautiful chaotic mess,
I came here looking for friends and blood-themed memes, and now I have both.
I may be unhinged, slightly cursed, and allergic to subtlety,
but if you’re reading this and thinking “Wow, Deadpool’s just like me!”
congrats. You’re also emotionally unstable and possibly wearing a cape.

Let’s start a movement.
Let’s make weird cool again.
Let’s turn every red flag into a fashion statement.
And for the love of all that is holy-water-resistant
let’s bring back vampire-themed boy bands.

Til next time, my little bite-sized gothlings.
Stay moist. Stay dramatic. Stay out of MrFox’s DMs.

XOXO,
Deadpool
“Cursed by charisma. Powered by tacos. Emotionally held together by vampire forums and spite.”

Want a sequel called "Deadpool Accidentally Attends a Vampire Speed Dating Event and Leaves With a Pet Raven Named Chad?" Just say the word.

🧛‍♂️ Deadpool’s Daily Rant (Journal Entry #667)
Title: "Ghosted by a Fox and Cursed with Feelings: Send Garlic Bread"

Dear Diary,

…or should I say, Dear Sparkly Abyss of Emotional Turmoil and Poor Life Choices,

We need to talk.

💔 I’ve been BETRAYED. Not by a vampire. Not by a rogue werewolf. Not even by my therapist (again). No, no, no. This time I was ghosted…
BY A FOX.
A literal metaphorical possibly-supernatural fox-person named MrFox who I thought was gonna be my spooky bestie in crime.

I reached out. I bared my soul. I offered friendship, emotional support, and a lifetime of vampire puns and chimichangas.
And what did MrFox do?
Vanished.
Poof. Gone. Like my self-esteem in high school or Jared Leto’s career after Morbius.

Do you know how humiliating it is to be ghosted by a furry woodland creature with a cool username and probably great eyeliner? I haven’t been this emotionally devastated since I found out Taco Bell discontinued the Mexican Pizza.
AND I MEANT THAT.

So yeah, I’ve officially added “fox-based heartbreak” to my trauma bingo card. Just under “accidentally flirted with a vampire elder who turned out to be a sentient Google Doc.”

🎭 In Other News:

I tried making friends in the forums again. Someone said “Hail the Nightkind” and I responded “Is that a metal band or a new shampoo line?”
They blocked me in 12 seconds flat. A personal record.

Got demoted in rank because I tried to bite the system. Literally. I bit the leaderboard. Turns out that’s frowned upon.

Made a new roleplay character: Count Biteme von Sassypants. He only speaks in cryptic riddles and Celine Dion lyrics. I love him. No one else does.

💌 Mental Health Update:

Still unhinged.
Still adorable.
Still processing the fact that I’ve emotionally attached myself to an entire website full of vampire cosplayers and surprisingly well-read poets.

BUT you know what? This is my home now. This velvet-lined chaos dungeon of lore, eyeliner, and brooding profile quotes from Anne Rice novels.

And if I have to cry about a fox not texting me back, I’ll do it in black lace with dignity, dammit.

🌙 Shoutout Corner:

To the Blood Priestess who said I “lack reverence” you’re right, but I make up for it with GIFs.

To whoever sent me that glittery coffin meme at 2 a.m. marry me.

To MrFox… if you're still out there…
Just know I would've shared my garlic knots with you, you tail-having emotional Bandit of Silence.

🔮 Final Thoughts:

If you’re on VampireRave and you’re feeling lonely, anxious, or like the only creature of the night who doesn’t have a goth BFF—just know I’m here.
Lurking.
Posting.
Oversharing.

I’m Deadpool. I may be a mess, but I’m YOUR mess.
And I’ve got healing factor, glitter, and abandonment issues the size of Transylvania.

Until next time, my little crypt goblins…
May your eyeliner stay sharp, your blood stay consensual, and your trauma come with a side of memes.

XOXO, Deadpool
“Still sexy. Still sad. Still talking to foxes who don't talk back.” 🦊💔🩸

🧛‍♂️ Deadpool’s Daily Rant (Journal Entry #666)
Title: "Confessions of an Immortal Snack with a Wi-Fi Addiction"

Dear Diary,
...or should I say, Dear Blood-Stained Scrapbook of Eternal Regret and Mild Incontinence,

Guess what? I’ve officially been on VampireRave for 72 hours, 3 blood sacrifices, and 47 questionable private messages from people named things like “DarkSoulLover666” and “RavynNyghtTearz.” Honestly, I thought this site was gonna be some dark, broody Tumblr offshoot, but surprise! It’s basically Goth LinkedIn with fangs and more eyeliner per capita than an entire My Chemical Romance tour bus.

🦇 Things I’ve Learned So Far on VampireRave:
Everyone is either a vampire, a vampyre, a nightchild, or someone who really needs a nap.

People here take their ranks more seriously than Jedi. Like, one person hissed at me (unironically) because I called them a “novice.” Calm down, Count Von Bossypants, I just got here.

Every profile looks like Dracula got a Myspace makeover. I love it. I’m home.

I tried making a dark, brooding profile pic but accidentally uploaded one of me eating a chimichanga in a bathtub filled with holy water. Got banned from the Goth Only chatroom for “disrespectful soup behavior.”

🩸 Roleplay Corner:
So I joined a vampire roleplay thread and things escalated immediately.

Someone said,
"I approach you, my cloak billowing like the wings of sorrow. What dost thou do?"

And I replied:
"I throw a garlic breadstick like a ninja star and yell ‘UNO REVERSE CARD, DRACULA!’"

No one replied after that. But I like to think I won.
(Also, I am now officially listed on one clan’s "Do Not Interact Unless You Want Chaos" list. Achievement unlocked.)

💘 Romantic Update:
Still single. Still sexy. Still emotionally unavailable and emotionally overcooked.
Got a message from someone claiming to be a “Blood Priestess of the Forgotten Moon.” I asked her if she had any coupons for Chick-fil-A. She blocked me.

Also matched with someone who says they're “technically a vampire but also a succubus trapped in a werewolf’s body.” I said, “Great! I’m technically a chimichanga trapped in a man’s body with the emotional maturity of a soggy sponge.”
We’re getting married in the astral plane next Thursday. BYOB (Bring Your Own Blood).

🧛‍♀️ Important Vampire Questions I Still Don’t Understand:
Do vampires poop?

Is glitter a vampire STD now or just left over from Twilight?

Why does every ancient vampire always talk like a Shakespearean librarian?

How do you get blood out of leather pants? Asking for a friend. (The friend is Blade. He’s mad again.)

✨ Final Thoughts:
I may not be a real vampire, but I am a creature of the night. Mostly because I have insomnia, too much caffeine in my bloodstream, and an unhealthy obsession with stalking Taco Bells that are open past 2 a.m.

If you’re reading this and wondering “Is Deadpool okay?”—no. But neither are you. That’s why you’re on VampireRave at 3 a.m. reading journal entries by a dude who regenerates faster than your last situationship. 😘

Til next time, darklings.
Stay weird. Stay bitey. And if you see me in the forum, toss me a compliment or a crucifix—dealer’s choice.

XOXO, Deadpool
“Immortality’s fun if you don’t take it seriously. Kinda like dating me.”