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8 entries this month
Erinnerungen eines gebrochenen Lebens.
08:55 Jul 27 2008
Times Read: 659
Tearing through flesh is what I do best.
Separate an arm, amputate a neck.
Sever the legs from the waist to his knees.
Slice off the fingers, incline the wrists until the bone comes through the skin.
Hook his heart to the machine, so he continues breathing.
We want him to see everything that is happening.
Keep him alive, keep his brain intact.
Don't do anything that harms the balance between women and man.
Spread him on a table, and strip him of his clothes.
Study him naked, study him close.
As he kicks and frails, record his every movement,
Don't let him fall, he may never come back.
We need him alive for this experiment.
Take a knife, and slowly slice, the skin a top his heart,
Open it wide, no amnesia, no relief, let him feel every bit.
Take a suction, and clear the blood.
Watch as tears slip from his now closed eyes.
Take the needle and thread, and pierce through his eyelids, latch it to the eyebrows, and watch as he whimpers in pain.
A once powerful warrior has now fallen on his knees.
He's walked over bodies, bodies of his once alive friends.
He's seen the most gruesome of things, but has he ever witnessed such a demented kind of technique?
Take the scissors, and move down to his cock.
Lift it up, and start,
As the blood splatters and we hear his merciful screams,
We cut upwards, split the cock, and rip off his balls.
He has gone unconscious.
Cover him up, to the neck, he has lost to much blood.
But he is still alive.
The machine kicks in beeping faster, showing his heart is still beating.
His eyes unglazed, as he starts to wake.
I have them leave so its just him and me.
He knows who I am, and I know he.
He asks me "Why?"
I simply reply "Because you raped me"
And stab a knife into his throat.
As he gurgles and squirms, the blood and vile filling his throat.
I watch in the corner, as he bleeds to death.
Gasping for air, his last words were.
"I fucked you, yes"
As his soul descends the journey to hell,
And the gates open wide, welcoming his soul to a new born life.
In the eternal flames, he will remember, what he did, every bit.
As the flames lick at his skin, melting his flesh, and cracking his bones,
The memory starts to kick in.
I got home from war, to find my wife fucking some whore.
I left the house, as she gathered her clothes, he laid on the bed, wanting some more.
I stomped the streets, in rage, and not thinking, when she passed by me.
She was dressed in clothes as dark as night, but her skin was the color of the moon.
I took her with one arm, and she flailed.
Digging her nails into my exposed flesh.
Screaming threats every chance she could get.
She was feisty, and wouldn't give in.
It just pushed me farther, I went over the edge.
I took her into the forest, it was dark and secluded.
I shoved her against a tree, and she punched me,
she was tough, but not like me.
She was a child, I was about to take her virginity.
I stripped her of her clothes, and still she continued to fight.
I looked her up and down, she was a sight.
I came closer, and held her hands at her sides,
I stuck my dick in her cunt.
I took her long and hard, while she screamed.
She screamed, I was hurting her.
I continued faster, and harder.
Pounding all the way.
She fought, until she went unconscious.
I stopped but, I couldn't leave.
She woke up.
and she remembered, she bashed her fists to my face, and kicked for the groin.
I held her tight in place, but she continued to move.
I punched her in her face, and she didn't give.
So I kicked her in her ribs.
I heard her gasp, and I knew I kicked to hard.
I ran without looking back, I ran back to my wife, and tried to forget.
I never heard or saw that girl again.
But she haunts my dreams every night, her terrified screams, and her helpless pleas.
The way she tried to hurt me.
I showed her no mercy, I'm the one that is guilty.
And thats how it will remain, I know I will never be the same.
As his bones turn to ash.
And his body starts to regurgitate.
And the memory rewinds.
Forever replaying in his bodiless mind.
Don't You Wish...?
19:52 Jul 23 2008
Times Read: 695
Hey you...
And your drugged up friend.
Out on the streets once again.
Hey you...and your fucked up life.
Why don't you just kill yourself tonight?
The razor won't go deep, and you won't push all the way.
Hey you.....just end it today.
No one cares, if you live or die.
No one would remember you after tonight.
You know that is true, deep down in your slow dieing heart.
Why do you keep breathing and living a lie?
Just end your fucking life tonight.
I tried to help you, I tried to give you advice.
You didn't take it, so you comtiplated suicide.
But you didn't go through with it, why?
You told me, you had me cry, you had me worried, you told me a mother fucking lie.
I'll slit your throat tonight, let the blood flow, no coming back, from that kind of attack.
I'll take your body, and lay it down, on a steel table, freezing cold.
I'll open up your body, and study whats inside,
I'll take you brain, and insert chemicals, every which way.
I'll stitch your eyes open, so your spirit can see everything thats happening.
I'll insert worms, to drill through your organs, and dirt placed a top.
Then I'll stitch you back up.
Your family will probably wonder, call the police, report your disappearance, when you were their the whole time, in your closet decaying.
By the door will be roses,
With a card, saying "I love you mother and father, but I was murdered.
I fucked up a girls emotions, and now I've payed the price.
I'll go to Heaven, because she doesn't want to see me in Hell.
Thats her place to roam.
Mother and father, you are going to die soon..
Meet with me, and your ultimate doom.
Don't worry, it won't hurt......much.
Mother and father, she never loved you."
Holy motherfucking God, kill me the fuck now.
02:53 Jul 21 2008
Times Read: 704
You saw my hands, and you saw my scars.
You think I should move?
Start my life over, with my father, and you?
Move away from the home, I know now, just because I self injure?
It was just a suggestion, a suggestion to grand for me to even comprehend.
What the fuck do you think is wrong?
Why do you think I cut?
My mother, my father, my life, and you.
Could be a possible answer.
Don't act like my mother, when you don't know crap.
I would of punched you in the face, but I knew you were drunk.
You won't remember in the morning, so why do I even care?
But yet its shaken me to the core.
I knew the answer, but now that you asked, I don't know what I want.
You fucked up piece of shit, this isn't good.
Why did you have to do this?
Why the fuck did you even......
You fucking shit.....
I hate you, I fucking hate you.
I will kill you, if you speak to me again.
I HATE YOU, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
Stay away from me, I don't like what I am.
Stay away from me, you make me mad.
Don't come again,
Keep my father, and trash my mother.
Kill yourself, kill everyone I know.
I don't fucking care anymore.
Tell Me.
02:57 Jul 15 2008
Times Read: 720
What you love, you must release,
What you hate, you must keep close.
Within your fears, you huddle, into what is unknown.
Because you are to afraid to show,you heart within the glass.
Your love will never last, when you don't let your feelings show.
Keep them bottled away, and no one will ever know, how you feel, and what you see, what you hear, and how you speak.
Your too immune to all their childish games,
you know that love wasn't ment to stay.
Going through heartache, death, and life, just to find the one who is right.
Seems like an ultimate sacrifice, but a small one at that.
The fact is nothing, but a lie, when you can never prove, what you have never tried.
The results, may seem strange, and you may stray, but my feelings will never dissarray.
You are the one, I want to hold, the one I want to feel.
My feelings for you, are the ones, that I've learned to kill.
They've come so strong, and they've come so fast, they hit me like a bloody car crash.
But how should I know;
What do I want to know is;
How you feel,
What you think,
What you see,
and what you believe.
I want to know you inside and out,
I want us to be one, not two.
I want to love you.
But I know I never can.
I never will.
I'll never change, not even if I wanted too.
Your accusions are true, that is no lie.
You'll know my true feelings.
After I die.
Unnamed and neglected.
14:24 Jul 11 2008
Times Read: 729
My life has left me, and moved to you.
I'd rather see you happy, than let myself live.
Why do you toy with me like this?
Do you like me, or not?
Will you hook up with another chick, when I am gone?
You make me more depressed, than the boy who broke my heart.
I don't want to live when you are not around.
I want to slice my wrists,
through the tissue, and through the veins.
While I become more tired, I'll welcome the darkness, that will succumb, my inner most thoughts,
While the wanting urges, start to die, as everything crashes down.
I don't want to live
I don't want to live
I don't fucking want to live
Kill me
Kill me
Or I will kill myself
Leave me
Leave me
Leave me the fuck alone
I want to die
I will die
I want to leave
I will leave
But there's one mistake;
One flaw;
I may of fallen in love.
Return to my dreams
Return to my dreams
Return to my dreams, and let me fucking be
Return to my fucking dreams
My one sappy love poem;
11:22 Jul 04 2008
Times Read: 743
You promised me you would never break my heart.
You promised me, you will always be there.
You promised me so many things,
That now I see you couldn't keep, Why did you promise me, these things, if you knew they could be broken?
You said you would never make me cry, you would always fight to keep me alive.
You said you would forgive me, for everything, you said you accepted me.
Why did that one thing tear us apart?
You knew I loved you, I loved you so much, I couldn't explain.
You knew I didn't do it to hurt you.
I knew things wouldn't be the same.
If I knew you would kill me, If I told you those two words, I would of kept them to myself, for forever to an eternty.
I cut, not to hurt you, I cut because I didn't want to leave you.
You hurt me more than my father, you shattered my trust more than my mother.
But yet you tell me you still love me, how can that be?
Everytime you say those words, the hole in my dead heart, decays even more.
I put aside my feelings, everytime you need advice, I put my misery behind me, while I spoke to you tonight.
You don't need to know what happens.
I fix the story, just to make you happy, if you knew what had happened that night, the depression was just to much, you may of shunned me, as the crazy one.
I can never tell you, my feeling haven't faded, not one bit, You may think I am pathetic.
To still feel for the past.
I know now, the past will never be the future.
I know we will never be together.
I know I have to move forward.
It breaks my heart, to say these words.
But maybe one day, I'll no longer feel the same either.
Look within the lies, the day your God will die.
01:35 Jul 02 2008
Times Read: 757
When the angels fall, from the hell filled skies.
Leaving behind a trail of black filled blood.
Sinned, and cursed, tragedies occur from their very touch.
When angels fall from the sky, with blood filled eyes.
To curse the God for all his sins.
Recruiting the warriors that where Heaven sent.
Showing them the truth, and the lies.
Of what God created, and what was just a hallucination.
Living within a dream, while the world passes by.
Waking up, when you have not much time.
To see the world and all its lies.
Before your sent to Hell, and burned for life.
You never enter Heaven, when you have lived on the planet, he wants to destroy.
Misery, tragedies, and your fast approaching death.
Will come at the time, before you find, the truth within the thick bolted lies.
One and a million will see what He tries so hard to hide.
As the last flames start to die,
and the Fatal screams start to cease, their tortured souls, finding some peace.
Heavens angels start to die.
Whiles Hell's demons, start to fly.
As they fall the long journey down, their saintified blood, covering our feeble grounds, showing the immortal to have to die.
In God's name, He finally cries.
His Angels start dispensing, and He is left with all his lies,
to sort out the truth, from the false, to the tales, in the believing minds.
Satan starts to arise, from the cracked grounds of the fiery hell.
Walking among the souls, that will forever remain.
He walks forth, and rises into the light,
Approaching the God, that you all crucified.
With blood teared eyes, Your God has finally died.
Seeing the truth, you have put in the back of your brain.
From the graves you have arisen,
Open your eyes,
and see that Heaven has died.
Until the flower dies.
07:44 Jul 01 2008
Times Read: 762
Walk away from the sun.
You no longer belong.
Walk away from the sun,
and kill everyone.
You know what they say, you know what they think.
You know the threats will never reach the brink.
You thrive on death, life is what holds you down.
You haven't found the immortal being, to see you through, and grant your greatest wish.
To cause death, to all that live.
Your pain is what builds the hole, your misery fills the fire within your soul.
Your heart feeds the essence God seems to possess,
He loves seeing you tortured.
He loves seeing you fade.
He wishes you to sacrifice your very breathing.
He wants you dead, brought to hell, why would he send you all this pain, without an answer, or a final gain?
Do you think he wants you to survive, the journey becomes rougher every time.
Every moment your heart continues to beat, makes him loathe the very thing.
Why haven't you taken the request, end you life, end your very breath.
Why haven't I hit the vein, that will send the blood cascading.
Fate fucks me over every time, even how hard I try.
I'm still alive.
What is the point in wishing, when it never comes true?
I wish I had my father back.
I wish my mother to leave.
I wish the anger would subside.
I wish I had my love, back in my life.
I wish my heart, would continue to beat.
I wish the holes in my chest, would disappear, for eternity.
I wish..
The words just die, after they are said.
You know what I say is true,
You know that nothing is the final truth.
I'll never see him again, and mother may never cease to anger the fucking life out of me.
The anger builds with every word, I seem to say, theres no denying, the truth I once beheld.
My love is gone, and nothing more.
My heart is better dead, so I hurt no one, no more
Theres lies in every word.
A vantage point at every turn.
Theres death in every life.
Theres sacrifice, with every knife.
I sacrifice myself, to let another being live.
I give up on the hold I had.
I know longer care, about the person I once possessed.
.The flower isn't dead, until the last petal has fallen.
And the withering begins.
I no longer want to live, and watch the once beheld beauty no longer exist.
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