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sorry been sooooo busy with job hunting then just when i get a hope of getting said job i get ill again!!!

but soon as i feel better back out searching again!!!!

So hard finding work in scotland never mind part time work then add health issues ...................... but even if it takes ages im not giving up i want no i NEED a job and a life!

so bored its not ohh quite day bored its soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo beyond boredom with life or lack off i get a bit of joy out of spending money on little things like clothes and make up every now and then and i get a small high from it, but it is so short lived and as im not a millionaire not a relibale or doable!! option !



cant work or go to college just now and apart from internet not got much in way of contact with people as i am often to tired /sick to leave house!



so need hobbie ideas mayb post it on forum for ideas? AND NO I DONT WANT TO CROSSSTICTH i cant do much arty stuff well and it has to be a cheap hobbie! i read constantly and that keeps me sane but wee bit of exitement now and then would be really good!

HAD GOOD TWO DAYS !!! hope its an omen for a good week to come ! must try to look on positive side and not allow rubbish selfish friends to undo all the good work my good friend does!!



money was a bit better even had enough for a couple of treats ! new fangs and new purple contacts ! and lash extensions and face cream and ..... you get the point !



prob should have been sensible and paid some to bills but me happy and out of despair or bills paid !!! hmmmm yiu can guess what i chose x

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CelestiaLaura202
19:39 Jul 10 2010

Sometimes you have to do something for yourself it is good for the spirit.

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OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH roll on the better times, getting fed up of trying to be upbeat for years through ill health losing my home and then moving 16 times in 4 years , staying in a women aid shelter and various homeless hostels, to losing jobs through health , friends and family dying in horrific accidents and suicides as well as illness! there is only so many times you can pick yourself up and dust of so many times before you get overwhelemed with it and start to choke...... only hope is someone else stepping in to help save you....



thats where i am now.



but no one's there



so say i choke say i cant do it ? will my friends excuses of im busy i didnt notice i had my own stuff etc comfort them at my funeral CAUSE THEY SURE AS HELL AINT COMFORTING ME NOW!



i get lives are busy and have there own issues and probkems but no matter what iv ever gone through ovrer the years i always ALWAYS am there going a bove and beyong for them.



When am i going to find that person ?



self resussitation is hard and usually fails

ahhh we bit of sun ! nice day here today dont know why as i cant really go out in it !(gives me headaches and hurts my eyes but no it doesnt bother my skin to much ! ) always makes me feel a little better no matter how crap im feeling or how miserable a day im having!



just hope it lasts dont think i could take rubbish weather on top on my mood right now

i know millions of folk struggle to budget or to make ends meet and i by no means am saying i have it hard compared to a lot of folks but its my rant box so im entitled to be selfish selfcentered and me me me on here x





ME .... i spend money on crap i dont need just stuff i want ..... end up skint and unable to pay bills ..... thick i know but i just do it on impulse



i am an educated relativly clever and responsible person more so than most my age !

no credit cards or contract phones etc



just once in a while i get really low and i know bad but i guess it stems from daddy issues he showed love by buying stuff ergo to make me feel safe better and cherished ......



this is a prob with my ex too he never bothered it was trip to shop on corner heres some chocs youve told me 4 past 3 years u aint keen on!!!



im not talking bout diamonds here ....a bar of chocolate now and then when im down a flower from park if you skint etc just wee tokens !

split up last night with my partner of three years luckily not living together as we stay in sam block of flats ! or unluckily now we split still pals for kids we have one each from previous relationships !



see how long it lasts as from experience friendships rarely work out in long term after split !



new it was coming so was rather shocked to find my self in tears a phenomenon in its self as i t very rare for me to do so and itwasn't the noisy one just couldnt stop my eyes watering constantly ! must have been ashes floating up from burned out carcass of relationship !

was just rating story on vampire catfish and my mum called to say she coming up after her meeting with aqua group and she has won an auction and got me some new albino catfish wee corries x weird or what!

so yet another sleepless night !! feel so drained today just want to go back to bed , but alas responsibilities as son due home from his dads ! rainy day here as well so time for imagination to kick in ! just hope it functioning !

or more commanly know as phoenix, my 18 month old english cocker spaniel !



she is my best friend full of unconditional love( well apart from huff puff if i dont give her my undying devoted attention at all times with added bobus of treats games and walkies!)



she cost my £500 uk pounds OUCH! a lot of money for me as i am currently not working but thanks to friends and family and 3 year saving spree! she is mine well more accuratly im hers !



she is not a typical cocker as she is not a show breed dog she is from working stock so rather than bred for looks she is bred fro health and tempremant (if that the correct spelling?)



as i am in house a lot and live on my own she is my life line making me get out house to walk ! which as she is very cute and friendly helps me talk to people every day ! and she keeps me sane at this time in morning (02.28 am) when im wide awake !



so does anyone else have such a close bond with a pet?



i have a cat who i adore also called frodo ! he is mental ! he is 8 and torments my puppy daily whic is so funny as phoenix goes up to cat and deliberatly wags tail in her face to get him to play with her .......... cue cath extending claws and realising a can of woop ass !!



dont know how to add pic to journal so will post pics of both in my portfolio !

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CelestiaLaura202
02:37 Jul 04 2010

I have 2 shitz tuz mixed girls(dogs) , I think pets are wonderful. Welcome.

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I am 26 a mother to my 8 year old son and a singel parent.



i have had poor health for almost ten years now suffering from ME a weird neurological condition called functional neurological defecit disorder( its like multiple sclerosis without the brain llesions to prove it).



this makes for a miserable and pretty much housebound existance IF I LET IT and theres no chance !



heres a link if u want to know more... http://www.neurosymptoms.org/#



basicly im constantly exhausted with poor mobility at times needing wheelchair or walking stick.



but i hide it all apart from yawning very well x



but downside is lack of social life and not being able to work grrrrrrrrrrrr hate bein in house all time but change is a coming



watch this space.......... well maybe next space depending how the journal thing works lol!!!

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markus666
23:21 Jul 03 2010

Well, VR will give you plenty of social life. From Drama to friendship...WELCOME!!!!

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