Update from last entry,my nephew has gotten worse and they put him on hospice,he can hardly walk because he can't barely breathe. I really don't know what else to say anymore so I'll end it here.... I won't be posting for a few days but I just wanted to say thank you to those who commented on my last entry,I'm trying to stay strong but I don't know how much longer I can go without breaking down.
Well, got some horrible sad news today, my eldest nephew Kennard who is thirteen years old has cancer in one of his legs and he's been battling it since last year, him and his mom-my older sister are currently in Dallas Texas at the children's hospital for his kemo therapy. Well, today his Doctor told my sister that my nephew has less than a year left to live,that his lungs are faltering. I'm crushed,hurt, angry,sad, and devastated, he's thirteen years old and he's supposed to have his whole life ahead of him,he doesn't deserve this, I'm the one with the death wish but gods trying to take him instead. I'm in very bad and dark place at the moment...............
I'm very sorry to hear that. That is devastating news.
I'm sorry about your nephew, be strong for you and your family, all of you need to be strong together. Your Nephew needs his uncle to be strong for him and his mama if you need to talk I'm here. I'm going through the same thing with my niece not cure for her disease and she is living day to day now.
I'll be writing a new entry soon, I'm taking a much needed break from VR and anything else online,gotta clear the old noggin.
I always thought there was a meaning to everything,everything had a purpose including me, I had such grand ideas in my youth and that's all they were,just grand ideas and dreams that would never come true.back then love was just a word said to family, then in 2005 my piece of shit heart decided to turn my world upside down and latch its self onto someone I barely knew,and since 2005 I have been paying for it. She's an addiction,she's like poison in my veins, she's my kryptonite. The devil in me would corrupt the angel in her,and I'm not saying she doesn't have a devil in her because she does, everyone has a devil in them but the devil in me,THE MONSTER IN ME would destroy everything good about her and that is something I don't want to happen, I could never hurt her like that,so without her I dwell in darkness. And there is no one else,no other woman that I want or need,I can't even look or talk to another woman. I'm a man with many demons and I pay for my sins everyday,I've stayed in the dark so long that it's hard to step into the light, the animal in me tries to break free everyday and it's a constant struggle to keep it all together.for me there is no one else, she is the only woman I want and I die everyday our souls don't meet.
Loving someone, at first sight, is amazing but when they are not in your life it hurts like hell. I can tell you it's still amazing if you look at it this way. That person has interred your life for a reason to show you something about yourself, so don't close off yourself use this time to see what she is teaching you about yourself. Don't close off to love, you never know when that person that you were meant to be with will pop up out of the blue. That's how it happens most of the time if that person decides they want to take another path, don't give up on love.
I know what it's like to fall in love with someone so completely an unconditionally out of the blue, it can drive you crazy, make you feel like your insane, and break your heart as well. In the end, I'll always cherish the journey and person I became from our interaction. Their know mistakes when someone comes into our life's, there is always something we learn and overcome with each interaction.
Happy Easter to everyone on VR! Also, I killed the Easter Bunny.
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23:01 Apr 25 2020
It's honestly fine to break down. Expressing your emotions is so important, even if you do it in private. Please give yourself space to grieve. It takes strength to grieve, break down, and get back up again.