Well,what can I say, it's been a few hectic long months and I'm just plum worn out. So,I'm gonna take a break from writing on here for a while,I'll eventually write another journal entry soon but I'm going to rest for a bit and get some much needed R&R. I'll still get on from time to time to keep my profile up to date, and if anyone needs profile adds or ratings and the same goes for journals adds, just message me on here and I'll return the favor.
I'm a simple person,I live by a code and set of morales that I won't change for anyone, I'm a simple man with old school values and a old school Mentality. I was born in 1989 and grew up in the 90's, I didn't have cable TV growing up,I grew up watching antenna tv and reruns of old school tv shows and that shaped my values at an early age, I grew up listening to every genre of music,my first game systems was the Atari and the regular Nintendo, and even thou my dad was a abusive prick and a alcoholic,him and my mom raising me with those values made the man I am today. I'm a honest to god,one of a kind man,I don't believe in cheating, I've honestly never cheated on any girlfriend's I've ever been with,and I'm not saying I'm perfect because I'm far from it, I've been a drug addict, a alcoholic,and a drug dealer,I've hurt people for money and I've ran with some very unsavoury people. I've been a bad man and done a lot of things I'm not proud of the things I've done but I never compromised my integrity or my morales. I've talked about this person before in other journal entries and this will be the last mention of her. Annaleea Lynette Reddoch/Rider made a lasting impact on my life, meeting her changed my life. When I first met Annaleea I was in a dark place and I didn't care about the light at the end of the tunnel,and then I found myself falling for her which was a big mistake,my heart has poor judgement.but the situation made me realize I wasn't fully dead yet, I could still love and have feelings for someone else and my heart chose her. But I've come to realize that I'm incapable of being loved, there is no woman out there for me, I'm just incapable of having a good relationship, all of my relationships ended because I wasn't as opened as they would have liked, I kept certain things in my life closed off and they didn't like it, I wasn't as affectionate as they wanted me to be. I'm on 35 different dating websites and so far I'm just turned off by most of the women on them sites, I've blocked over 600 women on Instagram and it's not because they messaged me trying to find a relationship,it's because they tried lying to me and they used pictures of porn stars as their profile pic,I'm truthful about my self and I don't see a reason to lie about my life or what I've been through. But Annaleea made me feel different,I felt at ease around her,the voices in my head were quiet for once,my other personalitys were in awe of the effect she had on me, she's the only woman I'll ever love or want to be with because I'm the type of guy that if I give a woman my heart then there is no one else,I'm a one woman guy and nothing can change my mind. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and I'm greatful that God allowed her and my paths to cross, I will always love and care about her and I will be hers until the end of time.
I've had a very long and hard last few months and 2020 isn't over yet. From the death of my nephew to finding out I have 15% damage in one kidney to ending up back in the hospital with pancreatitis again,I just can't catch a break. Well,I'm tired and just can't think of anything else to write about so I'm going to sleep,good night VR.
This will probably be the hardest entry I've posted. My Nephews last moments on earth sadden me greatly. The night he died he yelled for his mom,her and his dad had to carry him to the bathroom because he was unable to walk,my sister said she went upstairs to check on him and he was complaining of hearing robots in his closest,he also wanted to play his ps4 but he was too tired to set up so she told him to get some sleep,a hour later he yelled for her again and when she went to his room he told he couldn't see her anymore,his dad and her carried him to the bathroom but he couldn't go,as they were taking him back to his bed he told his dad he couldn't breathe and asked his dad to help him breathe,he then slumped forward in his dad's arms and died. I miss that boy every damn day,I haven't visited his grave yet because I'm afraid of how I'm going to react. I'm just at a loss.
I haven't wrote a new entry in a while,I've been under the weather, but today I'm going to try and finish my journal entry on my Nephew Kennard and I might try to write another one,who knows.
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