AutumnNightshade's Vampire Journal

AutumnNightshade's Journal

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7 entries this month

About Me
06:11 Sep 17 2014
Times Read: 443

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This will probably not see my profile, but will remain here if you have been intrigued enough to come this far. I am in my twenties, and if you didn't pay attention to my profile prior to coming here, I am married, and a mother of one. I don't cheat. Never have, never will. So if I've lost your interest, you know how to leave my page.

I am a city girl at heart, but I live in a small town. I have been diagnosed as having severe depression, but I manage to get by. I have a minute circle of friends, none really in real life. My best friends have always been online. No one has wiped my tears like you guys have. So for that in itself, I'm sending hugs. I actually met my husband online. We were married on Samhain/Halloween, three years coming up.

As for my details?.. here you go :

I am 5'1"

138 pounds

black hair

hazel/green eyes.

I dress in dark colors, but it's difficult to find someone here who doesn't. Maybe it's not, maybe I haven't looked hard enough. Anyway...

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Writing (my biggest passion)

Reading

Spending time with my family

Relaxing on VR

Makeup

Shopping

Clothes

Jewelry

Paganism

Vampirism

Halloween

My son (my reason for staying alive)

My husband (99% of the time- LMAO)

Candles

Chocolate

Netflix

Hulu

Coffee

Tea

Tequila

Food

Music

Movies

.... might add more later....

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My depression

Cheating(fyi: this is typical, I know, but I've dealt with some of the worst people when it comes to this)

Liars

False claims of friendship

My husband's exes

My 'real life "friends"'

The human population in general

Flat soda

Arguments (though I am an argumentative bitch)

Other females approaching my husband with fucked up intentions

Rape

Murder

Child neglect / abuse of any kind

People who abuse animals

....more to be added later....

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Nox Arcana

Godsmack

The 69 Eyes

Arch Enemy

Porcelain and the Tramps

The Birthday Massacre

...more to be added when I can think of them...

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Anything horror

....specifics later....

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Zombie novels

Dystopian novels

Vampire novels

Witchcraft books

Almost anything paranormal

Anything by Stephen King

Dean Koontz

V.C. Andrews

...more to be added....

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COMMENTS

xXxPaynexXx
07:55 Sep 17 2014

-chuckles-

I knew these things already!

I was hoping for the bad things you have done I have yet to find out about!

The ones where I wasn't present I mean.

-shifts eyes-

BeautifulEnlightenment
12:49 Oct 01 2014

This was great! After reading it, I see that we have a lot in common! Hope to hear from you soon :)

So it would seem..
08:27 Sep 15 2014
Times Read: 469

I'm done trying anymore. My "real life friends" never want anything to do with me. It hurts. They don't call, text, any form of communicating with me, nothing. No one ever asks how I'm doing, if I'm okay, etc. I try so hard to make these people happy, and in return, they disappear. I had this friend, who I'd known for twenty years, and a new girl comes to town, and I'm suddenly thrown away. I call her out on it, she calls me childish. I go to another 'friend' about it, she says don't worry about it. That's just it, I can't. So, I dropped the first one, now I'm ready to drop the second. It's so hard for me to make friends, and the ones I have, I want to keep them. For some reason though, they never want to keep me. I know there's my husband and son, but I want a friend in the real world that won't abandon me. Here's one of my biggest reasons for my trust issues.

This said "friend" (the first one mentioned) has abandoned me more than once. I think she only came around before because she felt (or all of them felt) that my dad was a better friend. Or they were using us to smoke pot whenever they wanted. Well, my father's death sure as fuck made them disappear. Am I not good enough? Am I too boring, too weird/freaky/goth, or what? What have I done to lose every friend I thought I had? I've given up my life to make people happy, and what do I get? I'm lonely, in need of a real life friend, and I guess I'll never see it.

COMMENTS

DamionxApocalypse
02:56 Sep 16 2014

welcome to the club ive sacrificed all my life for my so called friends and all they did for me was live me high and dry its hard to find a true friend these days

BeautifulEnlightenment
12:57 Oct 01 2014

True friends are hard to find and even harder to keep. I will be a friend to you, but you'd have to let me be just that. Sometimes we are looking in the wrong places for things like this. And I fully understand the abandonment thing. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I was abandoned by my father when I was a young child. It's not a good feeling. My thoughts and prayers are with you. It seems like you are going through a hard time in your life and struggling. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me! ;)

Imagine
08:18 Sep 09 2014
Times Read: 502

Before you judge me, imagine this... You're a kind-hearted person in a room, with let's say about ten, fifteen people, all of whom call themselves your friends. Then one day, for no reason at all, every single one of them stops talking to you completely. It feels as if you don't exist, that you were never there. Then you move away, most (not all) of them try to reach out to you. Fine and dandy right? You go about your business. Then one day, you get a phone call. Your parent/parental figure closest to you dies of a heart attack. No warning. You move back, everyone is there, for the first day. They begin dropping like flies. Making excuses to not see you, saying anything to shut you up. You wonder what you did wrong. Truth be told, probably nothing. But it eats at you, consuming everything in your head. Then you look back, you feel used, like you meant nothing to those you held so close to your heart. Now it feels as if your heart is bleeding. You try to call them out on it, they call you a child. Then you get replaced, by the person who's a newcomer to the circle, the one you know is talking about you behind your back. They say it's not true, that again, you're the child. You never hear from them again. You're left with one person, the one you call a significant other. They hear you, but they don't. Am I making any sense? It feels as if you're drowning, and they continue to pour water over your head. Welcome to depression, welcome to my life.

COMMENTS

DragonReborn
09:41 Sep 13 2014

depression is a very lonely feeling..I know only too well how that is.You can be in a room full of people but it always feels like your there alone..no one can see or hear you..like your invisible.even the ones that are suppose to care ..that claim you can come to them..when you try to..they act like your an inconvenience of sorts..or they are very short with you and than they are gone.I have lived with depression for years now..I don't envy anyone that has to go through that and i wish others would understand it better.

BeautifulEnlightenment
12:53 Oct 01 2014

I have a friend who is deeply depressed and sometimes it is very hard for me to be around him, especially given where I am on my own journey these days. However, if it gets to me too much, I will let him know because that's what a true friend does! You let your friends know what is bothering you and you keep it 100 with them. If these people aren't doing this, then you were bonding with the wrong people from the very start. I am so sorry to read this. My heart aches for you. I had a falling out with a girl in high school that caused me all of my friends.. I know exactly how that feels, and that is NOT good. I'm very sorry about what happened and hearing about your family member. You are in my heart and my prayers and if you ever need anything, a listening ear, advice, anything, I am here for you. I know I just met you but still.. I feel obligated to help you out, which is what I do anyway lol. So no biggie. Seriously. Anytime.

I have a few things in mind that I can talk to you about that may help you with this :) Just get up with me :)

And now... depression
07:49 Sep 09 2014
Times Read: 505

I'm done. I feel like every time I need to get something off my chest, I can't. No one gives a shit, and this is the world we live in. I hate it. Everyone out for themselves, heartless, cruel, unfeeling. People will only incessantly badger me, call me a crybaby, or tell me to get over it. So why am I writing this? I don't even know anymore. Maybe.. maybe I'm just holding on to some kind of hope that someone, somewhere, is actually out there that gives a shit about someone who's depressed.

COMMENTS

Neurotic
22:05 Sep 18 2014

I'll gladly talk if you ever want to :)

Pretty good at holding a conversation to.

BeautifulEnlightenment
12:58 Oct 01 2014

Well you are off to a good start. Writing things down in a journal is a great coping skill and it's good that you are using these healthy ways of dealing with stress. You're off to a great start! ;)

Teenagers
07:31 Sep 09 2014
Times Read: 507

This generation of teens is fucked. It's always "Gimme, gimme, gimme" being nothing but trolls and post whores. Kids are gonna have a rude wake up call. I guess the only way they'll see that is when they've been shot or knocked the fuck out, with teeth missing. I've got your number, you cocksucking motherfucker. You're nothing but a little whore. Go, suck another fat one, leave cum dribbling down your morbidly obese chin. Fuck you, skank.

COMMENTS

BeautifulEnlightenment
13:02 Oct 01 2014

I know exactly what you are talking about here!!! They don't hold the door for you, they don't say please OR thank you. They feel entitled.. It's the media and today's technology that we have to thank for this. Parents are giving their kids CELL PHONES at the ages of 9 & 10. The media is up the asses of people like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. I mean, these things just teach our generation of children that it's ok to be a complete spoiled fucking brat and there will be no consequences to pay to treat older adults like shit. When I go to the store, they better say thank you first. I am not saying it first, that's for damn sure.

So just to let all you fucking teeny boppers know: When us adults come to the store that you HATE working at, WE ARE PAYING YOUR SALARY. SO you DAMN WELL better say fucking thank you to me. I know that much.

You Make Me Sick
02:51 Sep 07 2014
Times Read: 532

I understand you're an atheist, but that gives you no right to tell me "why" the things I believe are bullshit. You're the one who's bullshit, you cocksucking motherfucker. You just keep telling yourself that you know everything. People like you need to be eradicated.

COMMENTS

xXxPaynexXx
03:00 Sep 07 2014

My, my, my,where ever did you get that mouth and temper girl!?!

-chuckles- Oh yeah...

Guess people will learn soon enough,Like Mother Like Daughter.

Love You,BabyGirl.

hailey
03:04 Sep 07 2014

cool

AutumnNightshade
03:40 Sep 07 2014

Love you too, mama.

I guess it's hereditary, huh? -snickers-

BeautifulEnlightenment
13:04 Oct 01 2014

I have no time for people like that. Anyone who has the AUDACITY and the NERVE to tell you that YOUR religion is WRONG could probably use a good old fashioned yankee ASS WHOOPING. That is just so disrespectful. You know what I say to those people? I just say, "Well you know what...? The Lord has delivered me from so much adversity in my life and I pray that He does the same for you." Then just walk away. Trust me, it kills them ;)

Back Again
20:47 Sep 03 2014
Times Read: 555

After a couple year's absence, I'm finally back. I've missed this place, and I can't tell you how happy I am to finally come home. -breathes deeply- Now, for some coffee and mayhem.

COMMENTS

xXxPaynexXx
21:44 Sep 03 2014

-hugs you-

AutumnNightshade
22:27 Sep 03 2014

-hugs back-

xIllusionsx
22:59 Sep 03 2014

well then welcome back and I hope that you enjoy your time on here as you did before I would give you a hug but we don't know one another that well and I don't want to seem like a creeper or something lmao

BeautifulEnlightenment
12:54 Oct 01 2014

Welcome back, Suge.

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