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I don’t want to live anymore. It hurts too fucking much. Don’t say everything will be alright. I know it never will be. I know I’m not needed here. So help me out of this world.



If you use a gun, shoot me in the head. I don’t want to see your fake tears.



If you use a knife, puncture my lungs. I don’t want to hear your fake mourning.



If you use a bow and arrow, let it pierce my heart. I don’t want to feel you cold and clammy hands.



If you use a sword, behead me. I don’t want to smell your scent again.



If you choose to drown me, bind my hands and feet. I don’t want to taste any part of you again.



I’ve had enough to do with you and everybody else. Help me out or let me be. It’s just a simple choice. I’ve lived alone and always will. You thought you could change that. My only friend is the DARKNESS…

Note: My life seems really fucked up right now...







Is there even a point to life anymore? I know I need to live, but I really don't want to breathe anymore. My head hurts. My heart aches. My spirit has been broken. I'm sick, sick of living like this. I don't understand anything anymore. The pressure is building and it is going to push me over the next limit. I am so far gone that I don't think I will be able to come back, even if I wanted to. Things hurt too much. I laugh, but the laughter is never real. All I feel is pain and betrayal. I don't really feel much else. Self-inflicted pain doesn't work anymore. I feel like crying, but I won't cry because it won't change anything. I watch the people around me and scoff at their "perfect little lives". I hate them. They have nothing to worry about outside of work or school. No one should have to question why they exist. I have to. I have no purpose. I have not future ahead of me, at least not one that I can see. No one really understands how anyone else feels, so why pretend that you do? I've been forced to sit back and watch the world pass by right in front of my eyes. No one has noticed how much I have changed. Not that I ever expected them to notice. I'm not worth it. Sure, it would be nice, but it will never happen. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, and nearly two decades: that is how long I have been here, and I have lost my purpose. I know I should tell someone, someone that can help, but it really doesn't matter. I need to bleed my pain away, but the only way to bleed away the pain would be to bleed myself to death. Not that anyone would notice. Not that anyone would care. No one would cry. That is why I can't cry. That is why I don't want to live anymore. There is no longer a point...

Oh thank you… I am so happy that you just had to go and do that to me… I really appreciate that… I know that you enjoy fucking up my life… The even more important point is that you think that everything is fine and dandy between us… It delighted me when I found out that you thought that everything was fine… That I would just forget how you ruined my life and move on… No fucking way… You’ve crossed a line and you can’t step back over… My walls are up and the barriers are thicker than they have ever been… I may seem to be alright on the outside, but on the inside I am seething… I am burning with anger… And all this anger is directed at you… I suppose that that should make you feel special… That I devote all of my anger at you… That I reserve all of it for you and you alone… Well guess what… You’re just fucked in the head… My anger is something that you shouldn’t want directed at you… I know you want attention and want everything to go your way, but life isn’t perfect… Not even yours… Is your happiness worth the loss of several friendships that you took advantage of…? Is it…? You don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself… It is true that if you don’t care for yourself then who will…