This morning I think I will be attending my final Guitars 4 Vets appointment. It’s possible there will be another because we had one cancellation during this program… But that one might get pushed under the rug since we were given direction on what to do that day that we couldn’t make it.
I’ve definitely enjoyed this opportunity to learn what I need to continue growing with this. It’s not that you learn the instrument in 2 1/2 months, you learn everything you need to know to get better on your own. A basic foundation.
Lord knows medication has never worked for my anxiety, I’m trying to do everything I can to redirect my energy into things that make me happy instead of things that freak me out.
It’s also one of the reasons why I have invested so much in my kitchen over the last months. The kitchen is where I find a great amount of joy. Walking, writing, cooking, reading, the guitar, learning as much as I can about anything… these are the things that I do to try and not ruminate over negative things.
*****
My cat is more than 17 years old now. He’s obviously in his twilight window of life. Pets cannot be replaced, but I try to keep my number down because I have enough obligations in my life – hands in so many cookie jars that I don’t want to give them less than what they need. So these days I’m trying to always keep my number to two. Although it’s true I do have a hamster lol… He’s doing amazingly well. He’s also nearing his end I am sure as he was six months old when I got him. And that was two years and three months ago. So he’s doing quite well for a hamster. Anyhow, when my cat departs, I’m going to get another dog. This one will be small. Torii did not work out as a service dog (that doesn’t make him any less of a blessing and important position in my world), and I’m still needing that. Not only do I need it, Torii needs it. Maybe that’s a lot of pressure to put on a dog, but this dog would not feel pressure. This dog would feel 100% family. In my mind‘s eye, I can already see this little one cuddling up in Torii’s big dog bed with him. My cat does that with him now.
But to go back to my dog not working out as a service dog, what he has done in his own particular way, and with his own particular needs – he forced me out of a really bad spot in my life because I needed it to be responsible for him. I spent almost an entire year in bed a couple years ago. I had him then – and the only time I would leave my bed was to take him to the backyard and feed him. I wasn’t even able to sit at my desk. I did everything from my phone. That time still lingers in certain things that I do because I am only on this site with my phone since then – and I remember never being able to do that before. It bothered me so much… I needed to access this site from my computer. When I started school a year and a half ago I was back on a computer again – but that is with a MacBook Pro that we get from school so I never have to be at my desk. I have a recliner in my room and one of those little lap desks with the cushion underneath that I place my MacBook on and just go to town on it. Anyhow… If I didn’t have my dog when I was spending that year in bed, I’m not sure how I would’ve made it. I had so many dark thoughts – but my dog always needed me. Cats are far more independent. I was meant to have Torii, and he was meant to have me. There are a lot of shitty people out there who could have had him and given him away because they didn’t want to deal with his particularities. He’s a handful, but it is my pleasure to take it on. I’ve never had an animal before who had mental health issues lol. But I understand it – because I have wild anxiety too. He’s afraid of stairs, he’s afraid of the dark, he’s afraid of car rides, he’s afraid of storms… You know what he isn’t afraid of? He is not afraid of me. He comes to me for help. And that feels like such an honor.
Today marks 8 days since my dog’s surgery. The day after I got him home he seemed much deteriorated. He was hardly moving at all. He couldn’t walk, he didn’t want to eat- it was horrible. I spoke to the vet, and it was determined that he was probably getting too much medication, and they adjusted the directions on what they prescribed. Luckily the next day he was back on track. Today he is in great spirits, wanting to play around, but still being mindful of lying down and sitting carefully.
I’m just looking forward to the postop visit, then getting him on the proper medication for his anxiety long-term.
This is a good example of how stress can screw you up physically. The same thing can happen to humans in different ways.
COMMENTS
Picking my baby boy dog up from the hospital tonight… $7000 bill… Right after so much money has gone into this new home. But what are you going to do? I refuse to let this stress me out. I didn’t have that just lying around, so it had to be financed with Care Credit. But the good thing is, it’s a reasonable monthly payment so it’s not going to hurt too terribly to pay it off.
It’s also easier to not stress out about that bill as it has enabled my dog to stay alive. ❤️
When I said my dog was freaking out over this move, I wasn’t overstating it. He whined with a racing heart and sometimes hyperventilating, all while not eating for 2 days. I was concerned so hand fed him his food this morning. I went to the store, and when I returned he was pacing and trying to his best to throw up, never being able to. He was also crying a hell of a lot more.
Took him to urgent care and X-Ray revealed his stomach filpped. ☹️ They punctured a hole in his side to release gas- then off to the hospital for surgery. When we arrived the front desk immediately picked up the phone and said, “Triage, GDV!” They came running out to get him and took him straight back. I was able to give him a quick kiss on the operating table before they began.
After surgery, they keep him a couple days- then it’s 14 days with a cone until they remove the staples. He’s in surgery right now.
COMMENTS
*hugs* Poor baby... I wish him a speedy recovery.
To be clear – his stomach flipped today and not over the past two days. He would’ve died if I’d waited. As soon as he showed signs of this situation, I took him in. It’s the stress he’s been under that brought this on.
You're a wonderful doggy mommy!
YIKES, poor baby! I'm thinking of both of you!
Decided against manicotti as my first cooked meal in this house – I picked up game hens and I’m going to cook two in a Dutch oven over carrots and potatoes. When they’re done, I’ll remove them all from the pot and make a gravy out of the drippings. Seasoned to perfection, of course. 😉
This will be my third night here, but the last two days have been hectic with settling in so I just had a sandwich the first night and Chinese take out last night. 🤷🏻♀️
My dog has cried all night long these first two nights here and I’m hoping he adjusts as soon as possible. It’s almost a little funny that I got him for my anxiety, and he has been diagnosed with anxiety. He even has a prescription that his vet recommends he use if he’s leaving the house. 😬
He’s just over 4 years old, but this house is raised, and he has to go up and down stairs to go potty in the backyard. I’m definitely going to need some pros over here to make a ramp because as a Labrador, I don’t want him to be having issues with his joints anymore than they’re already susceptible to have.
In other news, I couldn’t be more pleased with my bed. New bed, new mattress, new pillow. Sleep heaven has arrived. Lord, how I have needed this in my life! 🛏️
COMMENTS
The first meal plans sound amazing! I hope there will be pictures!
Aww! I hope your fur baby gets settled and adjusted, poor dude. I can imagine it's confusing for him.
Sleep heaven sounds wonderful! I love my mattress and pillow! When we travel I always miss it so much, but when we get back home it's an immediate relief to be back in my own bed.
COMMENTS
-
Morrigon
12:59 Jun 10 2025
What a beautiful description of your relationship! Torii is very fortunate to have you in his life and you're right, they do work their "magic" in our lives in ways we may not have expected we'd need. Do you have an agency you're looking at going through to obtain a second dog?
Cartomancer
18:09 Jun 10 2025
I’ve been searching. I want to get a Havanese because they are small, good for this climate, and very trainable.