Hatfield's Journal

Hatfield's Journal


Honor: 73    [ Give / Take ]


14 entries this month

23:44 Sep 30 2020
Times Read: 25

Jake left yesterday for a ten week piping job. The dispatcher did the math for him and for twelve hour days, seven days a week, for ten weeks he will make $37,000. They're giving him a $65 a day truck allowance. At the rate he is going, the first two checks of his will have his overpayment of unemployment benefits AND his truck completely paid off. I am completely over the moon proud of him. All his hard work and waiting are going to pay off in just ten weeks. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself though, because this may not turn out to be something that is permanent, but then again they may hire him permanently. Who knows. Jake wants to finally get us out from under all this debt, and I feel like it is the right step to get onto the path that we want to go. This is going to set us up for the future we have been so desperately clawing at.

I miss him so much already though. He's only been gone since yesterday morning at 5am. I even got to go down there last night and see the hotel he is staying in, which reminds me of an old slasher film, but he seems happy. It's an hour and a half away from me, but with him working twelve hour days seven days a week, and me working and picking up all of the hours no one else can out my job, I don't know how we are going to fit in time for both of us to see each other. It's also not fair to our son on either side because he's not just going without one parent because of work, now he's really going without both because we are both working. If he gets hired permanently and keeps making the same amount I may talk to him about being a stay at home mom until JR is old enough to do things on his own and me not worry every second I am away that something may happen.

Ugh. Back to college projects I go...




14:12 Sep 23 2020
Times Read: 41

When one of your friends you used to work with used to get mad because the other co-worker she liked flirted with you. Then, after you leave said job, she starts sending titty pics to someone you used to sleep with for six months. Hypocritical bitch. But ya know, go on. When you get attached, and I know you will because that's how you are, don't say I didn't warn you on how it turns out. That boy will never be with anyone seriously because he's still not over his ex and he never will be. He uses people so he doesn't have to be alone, and you damn well know that just from what he did to me..

Buut thanks for re-iterating that we aren't "true" friends anymore. Less I have to worry about.




21:03 Sep 21 2020
Times Read: 58

Came home this morning after a sixteen hour shift to see that my husband left the hallway window open, even though it doesn't have a screen. I run in, shut the window and all of the animals are here, but mine. I searched every where in the house for Luna. All her little hiding spots. She had to of gotten out. There's no other explanation. I can't see well enough under the trailer, but the maintenance man looked for me and couldn't see much either.

She's softer than medicated cotton. If something attacks her all she'll try and do is run, and then she's screwed. I'm so fucking angry. I called him and went off on him while he was at work. I told him if I couldn't find her by the time he gets home then I am getting rid of all the animals. It's always MY babies. I had to give up all my babies when we got evicted out of our last house, he left the vent cover off in our room and my turtle got stuck in it and died. Luna got out once before, and I was lucky enough to find her. My sons cat, Chance, got out before and was out all night and I searched for HOURS finding him.. but now my baby is out there again. The neighborhood I stay in is full of ignorant ass meth heads, so they're going to probably hurt her if they see her.

I'm just so fucking mad and worried.




02:20 Sep 19 2020
Times Read: 67

It's so odd having $800 on an off week that I get paid... I'm not going to know what to do with myself if the keeps going. Finally realizing that we can get these collections paid, get these credit scores up, and finally get where we want to go... it's been a long road, and it's still going to be a long journey, but there is now hope.




03:28 Sep 15 2020
Times Read: 83

I started writing again today... It's a story I had started a long time ago. Back when I was on here the first time. All of my characters will remain the same, I have had to reach out to "previous" acquaintances for permission to still use their likeness and they've given me the go ahead... so, time to get some of this irritation out and add onto my already busy life...





16:03 Sep 14 2020
Times Read: 91

Been up since 630am. So far I have cleaned up 3 piles of puke from my poor dog. I have done three loads of dishes, because ya know, busy asf at work and depression go real well together. I have called all of the "Collection" accounts that I owe money to, and have set up payment arrangements for the ones that are legit, and set up disputes for the ones that aren't. Still trying to get my shit sorted and paid off. I made a payment arrangement to get my husbands stuff paid off too, but he doesn't know about that yet. My first payment for that will be September 25th and the first payment on my payment plan will be October 9th. Yay for coming out $200 more every month on top of the over $2k I already pay.





02:00 Sep 13 2020
Times Read: 102

I was talking to a friend about a story I had wrote AGES ago. I need to revisit the characters and just start all over again. I mean, I will have to restart anyway, as I don't have any copies of my work. I do miss writing though. Maybe I will start writing again when I finish with my classes this Fall.




Psychology 101

01:31 Sep 13 2020
Times Read: 104

is kicking my ass. I have taken this Master APA Style Quiz FOUR FUCKING TIMES, because you have to get an 80% and I just can't get it. I have the quiz up on one side of the screen and the notes and slides up on the other and the first try I got a 49.5, then it went up to 69.5, and then up to 72.5 and now my final time was 79.2. I just don't understand what I am missing.

I am fucking exhausted, all I want to do is go home from work and sleep, but I have this class and another class that I have assignments due by tomorrow night at 11:59pm and I have been working on them as much as I can through the week. Next week I have actually given back some of the shifts I had picked up, and that make me feel guilty, but I have to pass these classes.

What's worse is I already feel overwhelmed and my third class, Computer Applications, starts on the 12th of October. Then I will really be loaded down. Ugh.




My bills in a month...

06:32 Sep 11 2020
Times Read: 124

Rent $600
Ameren $128(Summer) $165(Winter)
Spire $70(Winter) $155 (Winter)
Spectrum $150
My Car $368.76
His Car $338.01
Car Insurance $132.48
Rent A Center $203.82
Loan One $110.10
Loan Two $81.38
Phone Bill $132
FingerHut $ 24.58
Disney+ $12.99
Netflix $8.99

Total : $2361.11($2483.11)

That is a lot riding on one person. I make $15 an hour. Even if I get 40 hours a week on a 2 week paycheck BEFORE taxes, that's only $2400 a month. Yes, I am aware I should be happy to be making that much or working at all. I am just saying I am so glad that he is finally going back to work and that I don't have to work 40+ hours of overtime to be able to afford gas to go to work, food, household items and other essentials other than those bills.

Literally this check I will have 144 hours. Yes, again, I know some people work way more than that or some people can't find a job at all... but I am exhausted. Trying to full time and part time, going to school part time, being a full time wife and mother... It takes a lot out of someone. So excuse me if I don't get online every day. Or that I have certain things turned off for my profile so that I don't come back here after 3 days and have 60 messages of being "Bitten".

I don't know how people do this all the time. I salute those who do... y'all are some troops man. I'm about to fall apart.





06:05 Sep 11 2020
Times Read: 130

After two years, I will not be the only source of income. I have spent over $1000 sending him to Operator's training classes, and it will finally pay off. He got a phone call this morning, and he has to be at work at 630am. I am beyond ecstatic. I can finally breathe. I will have some help paying these piling up bills. He can take over his own truck payment, and that will leave me with money to do things that I want to do and havent been able to. I can finally start paying off my collections, and get my credit score up there. Oh my goodness, I am so happy and excited.




20:31 Sep 09 2020
Times Read: 139

I should be doing Chapter notes for Psychology but I'm not. My mind is so burnt out from working so much I can barely concentrate. I have to get them done though. I have a quiz due by Sunday at 11:59pm. If I don't get at least an 80% I wont be permitted to do any of the big Psychology Projects that are worth 33% of my over all grade.





Long & Angry

14:31 Sep 08 2020
Times Read: 157

Let's start with some back story... My mom's longtime friend has a husband named Tom. I used to live with them and he used to get drunk. Around the time I was 18-20ish he used to hit on me when she would go to bed. It caused a lot of fights, but I never told her about it because I was afraid she would take it out on me, and she had been a big part of my life and I told her more than I tell a lot of people. Well, I told my mom, who told my brother, who told my husband. The day of my wedding reception Tom thought it was cute to tell my husband that I was his "baby" first because he had been around me since i was a child. Husband didn't like it and decided to assert his dominance and feelings he was going to beat the shit out of Tom. She asked me why, and then I had to explain and it put a big rift in our relationship and it hasn't been the same since. So, fast forward...

My husband introduced his friend Nick to my sister Meagan. After a while they started dating and family drama started so they moved in with us. After a while of them being tired of paying half of everything, because Nick and Jake quit working, and I told Meagan she was responsible for paying Nick's quarter as I was paying Jake's. They got mad and moved into Nick's parent's basement. A month later she tells me she is pregnant with their first child. I was there EVERY day in the hospital. I showed up to the hospital at 3am because Nick had to go to work at 330 and she didn't wanna be alone.

Fast forward again to the day BEFORE my nephew's first birthday. I call my sister and ask what time she wants us there. She asked "Us? I guess Jake's coming?" I said yeah, he is my husband and him and Nick are friends. And she informs me that Tom and Carla are going, and that Meagan's in laws have decided to bring a firearm in case Jake tries to do anything. I got pissed and said fine, we just wont come.

SHE CHOSE TOM AND CARLA OVER ME. Point blank. Periodt.

Fast forward to yesterday, I am sitting at a friends house after we just looked at a house to move into. I'm feeling good, no stress. Carla messages me. She's sending me pictures of what I thought at first were her granddaughter. I get to looking... no that's my nephew. Comversation is as follows;

Me: Is that Nephew?
Her: Yes, it is. He is walking around and he talks a little.
Me: I know...?
Her: When was the last time you seen him? (Crying laughing emoji here)
Me: That's not my decision.
Her: So it's been a while since you have seen him. I am sure she will let you see him, he is your nephew.
Me: Yeah, when she's not threatening to pull a gun on my husband.
Her: I did too, and you still talk to me. I love you both and it breaks my heart that you are not speaking to each other.
Me:I'd rather not get into this right now.
Her: Okay but if you want me to send you some pictures of Nephew I will. I didn't mean to upset you. I love you so much.
Me: (at this point, pisssssssed.)I was told they were going to bring a gun to his bday party because you and Tom were going.. So instead of me going and "causing drama" with my husband, I haven't gotten to see my nephew since BEFORE his birthday. Now I will have a niece (because she is pregnant again and he just turned 1 in June and her daughter is due in December and they live in a basement) who doesn't know her aunt because for some reason my husband is good enough to introduce them to each other to even be together but not good enough to be around for MY nephew. It's not my decision, she made her choice, and it wasn't me.
Her: Okay, I understand and I still love you. I will let it be sorry I upset you.

Pretty sure you messaged me with the intent to upset me. SHE CHOSE YOU over HER OWN SISTER. She chose your perverted ass husband over HER OWN SISTER. DO NOT try and tell me or insinuate that I should try and be the bigger person. She's the one who needs to make this right. Not me. Not to mention, that when she thought her daughter was going to have T18 *I WAS THE ONE SHE RAN TO*. I was the one she messaged because she knew I work with individuals with disabilities and that I could help. Since the testing came out negative, I haven't heard a fucking peep. She continues to make her choice. Fuck outta here.



14:49 Sep 08 2020

You were there from day 1, and her behaviour and attitude toward you is a tad bit brutal.

Sorry you had to go through this. *hugz*

20:22 Sep 09 2020

BloodRoseX, I have always had her back. My family has always been fucked up and treated me a certain type of way, I feel. It just really bothers me that I wont even get to see my nephew or niece because of some stupid ass drama.


16:02 Sep 07 2020
Times Read: 164

I am beyond tired already. From 7pm yesterday til 7am next Sunday I am scheduled for 88 hours, on top of the 48 hours I already have for this pay period. We have one girl out on maternity leave, two girls on vacation, a supervisor on vacation and one girl just decided on Saturday that she was going to let us know her last day will be this Wednesday. I am gonna be one unhappy person this week because I am literally the only one here who can pick up all those extra hours. My boss doesn't have anyone else at any of her other houses because they are short staffed as well. So, here goes a shit ton of over time.

Good thing is, those checks will be fat as fuck. I will have a LOAD of time to actually sit and do my notes for Psychology(which I am doing in addition to being on here right now), start on my future focus plan for my degree, and get prepped for my computer information systems class that starts on October 12th. This is going to be an extremely busy few weeks for me.

Oh yeah, and on top of all of that.... I have to find somewhere to move because my landlord doesn't want to fix things that HAVE to be fixed, but doesn't want me to pay to fix them and take it off rent... So. Awesome Sauce for me this month.




23:49 Sep 03 2020
Times Read: 177

SEVEN TRIES. It took me seven damned tries to be able to complete my psychology quiz. Each question is .25 points and there are 20 questions. In order to pass, you HAVE to get 100%...




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