Ever do something you know is wrong, but despite knowing its wrong you don't want to stop because for the first time you feel liberated- happy?
I have not talked to him in over 24 hours. I'm feeling very introspective, in this moment. I feel like a hole that is mostly empty. Only relief is present, but it does not fill me. Perhaps, I should keep this up- the not talking to him. Is there something wrong with me? Do I get emotionally attached to others much too quickly? Do I feel too strongly? Sometimes I wish I could not feel at all. But is blocking out the pain, the fear, worth also blocking out the joy?
I feel crowded, even though we barely talk. I cannot get far enough away although our physical distance is already great.
Talk about an emotional roller coaster. I called him and now were friends.
I choose to break up. It was for the best, so why am I so sad? I wanted no more tears and the result is only more of them. And a pain in my chest. And a desire to hurt myself for being so stupid. And the fear that he is going to humiliate me somehow in the near future.
Because you cared, at one point or another, you loved.
Give yourself the time to recover, maybe try to take a step back for a while and just let things settle down. Remove yourself from the emotional twister and focus on yourself and getting yourself better.
Cry if you must, honey. There is nothing wrong with that, so don't hold them back, tears will help you get past things and get all that pain you feel in your chest out.
We are broken up for good. I seen the messages. I disagree with my mother's message, although at least hers was courteous. His reply wasn't. It was an angry profanity-ridden rant. I love and respect my mother's opinion and I would hate for anyone to disrespect her like that. He could have simply ignored the message or replied in the same courteous manner she did. Nope. None of that.
So my mom has been sending messages to him and I have no clue what they say. I only found out through him, and he says they are very fucked up. I want to know what they say. Or I don't. I really don't. Why can't everybody just get along? Why can't I choose my friends and dates on my own?
So I tried to break-up. We had a long serious conversation. We aren't broken up.
I don't know how I feel about this.
Is it wrong to break up with someone by chat? He was not answering his phone and I really needed to get it off my chest. I feel sad and relieved at the same time. Weird. It's a hollow feeling.
Maybe I'm better off forever alone. I swear I'm not looking for romantic love, but I take a chance on all the seemingly nice people that flirt with me. Then the other shoe drops just as soon as I stop looking for it. Maybe the moral of the story is to never stop looking for the the other shoe; that way I can remain blissfully unaware to the other persons flaws.
I've cried enough now for a lifetime, and I still have a lifetime to go it seems. Make the hurt stop.
So I've been flirting with this guy...that is 19 years older than me. He is very nice, and seems very sincere. I feel butterflies in my stomach.
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