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JinxHeartSmile's Journal


JinxHeartSmile's Journal

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6 entries this month
 

22:40 Mar 30 2015
Times Read: 294


I've got a plan to severe this attachment for good. You see? I must face the loneliness once more- embrace it. Love it. Wallow in it. And hopefully my sadness does not consume me.


Third time is the charm?


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I want to die.

02:37 Mar 27 2015
Times Read: 301


I know now my want, my inability to have, and agony. And I know not who to call for help. For no one will understand, and everyone will be mad. I've done a terrible thing.


The one person I have been confiding is the the source of my agony. You see? And everyone else was able to see through the source right away. So I kept confiding, but in secret. And now, I feel addicted to our interactions- arguments, and all. And every time I feel ignored- I want to cry.


I want to die.



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I've got bags under my eyes.

01:05 Mar 18 2015
Times Read: 307


I've had 4 hours of sleep last night, went to work, and now I am home. Tired, but wide awake. And if I try to go to sleep my mind will race keeping me wide awake for a time that seems endless.


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04:50 Mar 17 2015
Times Read: 317


The other shoe has dropped and Holy Mother of Earth, it's a bomb! I'm being played! I'm the naive little girl being strung along by "all the right words." I am the fool. I feel like all the happiness is being sucked out of the air around me- even ripped from my lungs. I feel like I've been literally punched in the gut.


I don't know if I'm jealous or insecure. Or both. Because I don't want to be settled for. I want to be the most beautiful in someone's eyes. Is that too much to ask? To think that I liked him? And he likes other woman. Does he like me still? Has he ever truly liked me? Does it matter now? I can not trust him.


I wish I could throw the entire span of time between Dec. 13th and now into the garbage.


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22:39 Mar 12 2015
Times Read: 325


You compliment me so often I am beginning to wonder if it is out of habit or sincere. And you say we can talk about anything, but whenever I disagree with something you get super defensive, say rude irrelevant things, or accuse me of things. And I wonder why you still talk to me if you truly believe some of the things you have said about me;I wonder even after you apologize.


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I need my friends.

04:35 Mar 01 2015
Times Read: 332


Today, I saw something in a friends eyes that I recognized; something that I personally know and struggle to rid myself of at times. The something in his eyes did not quite go with his smile; I saw behind the mask. I pulled him to the side and asked "Are you sad?"


Turns out, he was sad. He knows how to reach me, so I let him know I was available to talk and I gave him a hug.


Maybe I'm not the best person to talk to or to be offering up hugs and opinions. I'm not self-less, I am very self-centered. I need my friends, alive, well, and happy. I need my friends.


COMMENTS

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