Missydarkfantasy's Journal
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2 entries this month
How Dare You
09:13 Oct 16 2007
Times Read: 754
How dare you judge me, for the descions I have made, what makes you better than me?
How dare you make me feel this way before jump your guns why dont you try to get the whole story instead of the parts you want to hear.
How dare you look at me a decide what my fate will be before you give me a chance to show you what I am really about?
How dare you tell me my religious belifes are not right, who are you to judge?
How dare you call me names and point fingers and laugh when you dont even know me.
What makes you any better than the rest of us? What makes you any better than me?
I have made my mistakes and I am only human but what makes it ok for you to sentance me to death without hearing both sides of the story.
Who made you judge, jury, and executioner?
My mistakes leave a lifetime of scars that burden my heart and make me cold to feelings,dont you think I am punished enough without everyone else letting me know what a failure I really turned out to be?
What I have done is unforgivable I know but there was a choice that had to be made and things didnt turn out as planned I was lied to and yet I am the one doing wrong, I made the decsion I thought best for everyone around me at the time and now I have been thrown into exile by those who are supposed to love me unconditionally.
I dont ask for forgivness because I have to find it within myself first which is something I may never find but I do ask for something you refuse to give....understanding.
My heart is heavy with this pain of the choices I have made I need someone by my side to tell me things will be ok, instead I get a smack in the face and doors slammed at me without rhyme or reason.
How dare you do those things to me, look down the end of your nose at me when you have no room to talk, you are not perfect and I dont care I would have been there for you no matter the consequence for you or me.
They say friends may come and go but families last forever.....obviously they never met mine.
Why do you pass judgement on me for the wrongs I have done when you are no better than me?
My cold cruel heart
04:11 Oct 16 2007
Times Read: 756
Pain to me is a natural feeling, constant distrust of people is a second nature to me.
I often find my self in a daydreaming state wondering if there is any good in the world or if people are all the same.
Are we really all these cold beings wondering around the face of the earth treating each other like shit or if there is warmth in our hearts.
I for one know that I am a cold being forced to walk the earth mistrusting without fully being able to truely love and give my heart to anyone even the one that truely deserves it.
The one that holds the key to my heart is faced with the fact knowing any one moment something could snap in my mind and with that we will become nothing as we were before.
I know he deserves all the love a woman can give for his heart is so warm and caring, giving and sweet, where mine on the other hand is cold and with holding.
His hopes for me accepting his love as he lays himself on the altar for sacrifice heart wide open accepting whatever will come his way but still he lays there waiting pateintly for me to drop the dagger through his heart wondering if i will.
No man like him walks this earth and I am the one lucky enough to be with him and he feels he is lucky to be with me but yet I cant help but truly wonder if he is.
I stand there above him holding the dagger but cannot bring myself to accept his motion to hurt him, is this truely my love?
I hope he is as he deserves a love I am afraid to give.
I hope I will over come my fear for his love and accept it fully as everyday comes and goes I feel more and more for him everyday and hopefully soon I will love him with a love he derserves to be shown as he gives me a love that will never be replaced by anything in this world.
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