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Today, this morning in fact, very early. We all got out the door and then onto the highway by 5 am. Brit was very insistant on this, she hates to be late. The drive was quiet, save Panic! at the Disco playing low in the background vs. the sound of tires on the pavement. No one said much, the kids all slept, and I for the most part took it at a moderate rate of speed. I was in no hurry to get to the airport, in no particular rush to say goodbye to my daughter, but still, she couldn't be late. It only took us an hour to get there, it seemed like it should have taken longer, as if the silence in the car on the way there was going to hold us together any longer. For the first time, I dreaded seeing the numbers in miles decline as we approached our destination. But we were there, we parked and walked into the airport. The kids were joking around a little, though the youngest was fairly quiet, the more emotional of the 3 of mine. We went to the counter and got her tickets, she would be changing planes one time in Texas. We walked and then we sat. Leandra had still not said much, but began to cry quietly to herself trying to hide it. Derek (my son), Brittany and Craig (kids' friend) sat there talking about some abstract sculpture in the lobby, making fun about what it might actually be as time ticked away. Hard as it was, the time had to come for her to get in line and go through security, we couldn't go any further with her, I couldn't go any further with her. We took turns hugging her and saying our individual goodbye's, all of which were repeated at least twice after that. It was so hard to let her go, to let her walk away and not go with her. My eyes are burning now thinking about watching her walk away and knowing how far from home she is now for the first time in her life. Knowing that I am not there with her to help her through this biggest step of her life is hard for both of us. Finally as we walked away, when we couldn't see any sight of her, we all cried a little more and sobbed quietly on the way back to the car. We know that we will see her again, but it's hard, for all of us and for our own reasons.

The ride home was an even quicker and quieter one. No one said a thing until we got off the highway. Us still just unhappy with the fact that she's left us.

I just feel like I should be there right beside her for every step she makes. And I know she feels alone, because she is.

She called once during her lay-over in Texas, and provided everything went alright, she should be in that Bed and Breakfast in Colorado Springs right now. I am hoping to hear from her again very soon. I just need to know that she is making every step of the way, that she is alright, that she's not lost some where of even unsure of what she is doing. She's 18 years old now, I guess that makes her an adult, but she's still my girl. Maybe not the little one that she was a few years ago, but my girl none the less. It might be easier if we didn't get along so well, if we weren't so close. But we do and we are, and I miss her so much right now just knowing that I can't hop in the car and pick her up some where and bring her home.

I have two more incredible children with me. We are all close, we have been through some really hard and heavily unhappy times, and we've bonded through them all. We grown to understand and value each other, even more to have fun together. No matter what directions our lives lead us in, I know that we will always feel this way. I know in my heart that if I didn't have my children, well, I shouldn't go into that. Know only that they give me strength I never would have found any where else in this world. I'd never trade or give up a moment. They are everything to me.

Well, since the kids are out of school, I will probably be staying up later at night. The last several nights, no one has hit the rack until around 3am or later. This being the case, hopefully I will get a little more time on line and be able to do some things with my page here on VR. The first couple of things would be to add music and a personal side about me.

My son joined last night, he is listed as Capn, my oldest daughter is in the process of joining as I type, she is YourFemmeFatale. So, the family arrives. I have put up pics of the kids, my youngest isn't old enough to join, as she is only 11.

And as Craptacular as it may be, it's not time to go wash laundry.

Well, I just joined VR today and already have had a number of people rate me. Wow, and I think being imagesinwords' sister made an impact on my presence here. This could be fun, and maybe addicting.